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Nonhlanhla's avatar

Why my boyfriend dont want to marry me?

Asked by Nonhlanhla (4points) November 7th, 2012

We’ve been together for 7months now and am 5months pregnant,2 weeks ago I just found out that his married and his going through dervorce and his wife can’t know abt me becouse his wife can’t give birth and his been waiting for this child for long time now ‘that’s what he told me, I love him very much that I can’t imagine life without him, when I asked him abt marriege he tell the futuere will answer that but aall his going to do now is just pay for the damage( that am pregnant to my parents- that’s part of my culture)

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13 Answers

trailsillustrated's avatar

Probably because he is too young, and because his mother doesn’t want him to. Good luck I hope you will be ok as a single mum and that he pays out well.

Nonhlanhla's avatar

His not young his 28 yrs old n his mom passed away n his not staying wit his parents actually his parents a far away , his here for work but his a permanant employee

livelaughlove21's avatar

Is this question for real?

If not, get real. He’s married, and cheated on his wife with you. That’s enough to make him a piece of crap. You got pregnant two months into the “relationship” – seriously? Give it up, he’s using you. Let him go back to his family, move on, and get his ass for child support.

How old are you? I’m assuming younger than him.

josie's avatar

Probably because his parents would object. Or maybe he is just not that serious.

Nonhlanhla's avatar

Am 21 years old

Nonhlanhla's avatar

If he wasn’t that into me why he asked for a child from me,why his always talking abt how his life is gonna change for the better when the baby is born

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

You have two major problems that I can see:
1. You have started a relationship with a married man and gotten pregnant by him, and
2. It is a big problem in your culture to be pregnant and unmarried.

(That should still be a big problem anywhere, I think, but that is beside the point.)

You need to ask your family for support now. I’m assuming that they probably do not know about your pregnancy and will have strong condemnation for you on that account. Better to get that out in the open now and get it over with, because you do need their help. And you obviously cannot rely upon “the boy” in this case (and I’m going to call him a boy, because he surely isn’t a man).

The next question, again, given your culture, is “can you still attract a mate and get married in a normal way?” (and do you want that?)

If you can still marry traditionally, and if you want to, then it would be best to do that as soon as possible – and be honest with your prospective husband! – don’t try to fool him into thinking that a child might be his when it is not.

Good luck to you.

Nonhlanhla's avatar

I can still get married in a normal way and my parents knew that am pregnant when I was only 3months couse he also told them that his gonna take fully responsibility but I haven’t told them that I just found out that his married couse my parents they really like him and they think his the best boyfriend ever

LuckyGuy's avatar

Welcome to Fluther. Since many of the people here are from the USA, you will get many answers from the Western perspective. It may not apply to you.
What is your culture? Are you living in the US? Where is he from?

I will answer as an American. Sadly it looks like he might have taken advantage of you. Make sure you know his employer and start making plans to get him for child support. The baby is coming whether you are ready or not. Do the best you can for the child.

I am sorry you are in this desperate situation.

Nonhlanhla's avatar

We are both South Africans born and raised there but different cultures his a mixed race n am black

LuckyGuy's avatar

Oh man! There is at least one person here from SA Maybe she will have good advice for you.
The time for reversing the decision is long past You need to do something to protect yourself and your child. If I were you I’d start making some “noise”. Meet his family find out about where he works. You do not want him to be able to slip out of the country without helping you. I do not not know about your social welfare program. Here in the US, the rate of births to black single women is appallingly large,. 2.5 times the rate of whites. But (right or wrong) we have social welfare programs that can help. Please investigate what is available in your country.
You are not the first woman to be in this position. Other have walked before you and have done fine.
I wish you well.

LuckyGuy's avatar

(I just sent the SA person a note for you.)

Nonhlanhla's avatar

Thank you but the point I don’t think his gonna run away ,Its just that I nolonger feel the same as before I feel like I made a mistake to be in the relationship from the first place n if I knew he was married maybe things wouldn’t be like this

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