I enjoy the dominant role most of the time because my public personality attracts the most adorable little submissives. They are easy to attract and I like them. It’s a pleasurable challenge making them feel safe to be dependent, safe to surrender, to see them relax and submit and trust, and allow me to go to work. There’s a lot of responsibility in this. They are no longer responsible as they have given it all over to you. That’s the whole deal, really. Subs are brave little souls and probably the healthiest of us all, psychosexually. Never underestimate the cutest bimbo. That persona is quite often predator camo used in game of allurement, in order to get what they want. They know exactly what their doing.
It’s a kind of stairway to heaven thing, a graduated tumescence/denial; ecstatic peaks interspersed with plateaus of euphoric stupor—no valleys, no backing off, as this flagging on the sub’s part and failure on the part of the Top—then it’s on to a higher peak. Reward for being good, and punishment for being bad, both applied in such a way that pleasure is the end result. The goal, of course, is the final detonation, when she’s had it, when she’s shot, and I finally pull the trigger. It’s real serious stuff when someone finally allows themselves to totally lose control mentally and physically under your protection. That’s what this is really about and it can only be done in a safe environment and the top’s real job it to take them there, get them their experiences, and bring them back safely.
There is always an extreme emotional aspect afterwards and this needs to be taken care of. And after that, their brain starts to kick in and they might start mindfucking and that has to be taken care of as well—my least favorite part because it’s so unnecessary and is usually due to their years of conditioning in a punitive, denying society. Like aged cheeses and meats, I prefer my subs better “cured” than that. But everything else about a novice is exciting to me, so I put up with it. They often want it again, but can’t reconcile, so many times there is weeks of phone conversations. Like a puppy who’s afraid to take the kibble. They either get it or don’t and move on.
For me as a Top, the journey is the fun part, the trail of interesting candy that finally leads to the big rock candy mountain somewhere in the misty peaks. It can take more than 12 hours with some, sometimes much more. I’m not into real pain, or scat. It’s all about the body and frustration, and intense, sexual energy, breaking some personal barriers, living out fantasies, and denied release. There’s enough pain/pleasure in that to forego the actual dungeon shit. The sub is always free to go elsewhere.
With very few exceptions, I’m heterosexual. If my cock doesn’t salute, I’m in the wrong situation. That also means no scat, no blood, no severe physical pain. Threatening someone with physical pain and torture when you have no intention of really doing them harm, is like pointing a gun at somebody and not firing—it’s insincere, and pointless. And I don’t do anything public. I am a very discrete person, privacy is a HUGE issue with me. Personal choices like these can affect everything from professional licenses ot relationships with family loved ones. We live in a fear-ridden, punitive, prohibitive society. – Ha! It’s the ultimate in BDSM, if you think about it. This is even the first time I’ve ever revealed this aspect of my life here. I’ve never written about, and wanted to share some of it, but I had a professional license to protect until my recent retirement. (I’m looking forward to the PMs, they should be interesting) There are probably a few other niche anomalies that turn me off as well, but those are the main ones. Interestingly, I’m very turned on by naive vanillas lately.
It’s nice to, every once in a while, run across a woman who knows her femdom. I’m an excellent, obedient fuckboi under the right mistress and love the queen’s bench. But the smotherbox? Not so much. It’s nice to have her call all the shots, especially during oral as I can’t leave it alone until she’s good and vanquished. It’s a matter of pride. And I love that head ride between the thighs, the spasms, the kicking, the twitching, and the flow. Any experiential deficiencies on my part as a sub I make up with my dynamic work ethic, and I follow direction very well when in that mode. It helps to have worked the other side. I know what she is up against.
I have conditions and requirements, though. For some reason she must have big natural tits or she’ll never be able to be a convincing domme to me. I think that’s due to my earliest sexual experiences. It’s a nice vacation from always being in control, always the responsible one. But after about a week as a house slave, I get bored and need to get back to my strengths. Good dommes are hard for me to find as I require a very specific kind of body type, height, and she must be have dark eyes and hair—and they usually see me as another Top and that’s not what they are usually looking for, and they see me as a competitor, although I’ve never felt that way toward them. It’s sad really, because we really have a lot in common—we’re usually hunting in a different part of the woods anyway, and if nothing else, we could share a lot. .
Short answer: I’m a Top who thoroughly enjoys being a top but needs a break every once in awhile. Or maybe I just haven’t met the right Top. So, technically that makes me a Switch.
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