Social Question

FluffyChicken's avatar

Will you answer questions about love and philosophy?

Asked by FluffyChicken (5493points) May 29th, 2013

I am curious as to what people tend to believe when it comes to life partnerships, or even just casual boyfriend or girlfriend situations;

Is it acceptable to you to be in a relationship where you are the second choice? (For example; your SO was and is in love with someone else, but cannot be with that person for some reason or another, and so SO chooses you instead) Why or why not?

Is it acceptable to you to be in a relationship, where the person you are with is the second choice as in the example above? Why or why not?

Is it acceptable to you to be in a relationship where you are loved by your partner, but your partner is not IN love with you? Why or why not?

Is it acceptable to you to be in a relationship where you love your partner but are not IN love with them? Why or why not?

What percentage of people are in these kinds of relationships, and are satisfied with it?

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9 Answers

tinyfaery's avatar

The mere fact that you are with him makes you the first choice. Men aren’t that complex, really.

snowberry's avatar

A committed relationship tends to foster love. Not always, but usually. I know people who entered into an arranged marriage where they didn’t even know each other before. It worked well, but that’s barring any mental illness, abuse, etc.

I did not marry out of love, but to escape my parents (yeah, I know). That is a stupid reason to marry anyone, and there were some horrible days for me, but I grew up, he grew up, and we love each other now.

I have been married 36 years, and neither one of us looked to have an additional relationship.

Coloma's avatar

Anything less than choice is a cop out. Settling is a cop out.
Going with whoever will have you in the moment is a cop out.
Most of what people call “love” is anything but.
It is desperation, fear, ( of not doing, finding better )neediness, opportunity, anything but real “love’, which is based on conscious choice and continued evaluation of self and other.

hearkat's avatar

What @Coloma said ^^^

There may be occasions when one wants a casual relationship for whatever reason, in which case their companion needn’t be the love of their life. However, it is rare for ‘friends with benefits’ to have a mutual objectivity about each other and for neither to develop an emotional attachment.

ETpro's avatar

On advice of my counsel, I respectfully refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it might tend to incriminate me.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I would never be willing to enter knowingly onto a relationship where I or the other party is not the first and only choice. If I am not Mr. Right, being Mr. right noe will not do. I would not enter into a relationship with someone who was not my first and onlt choice at that time. As appealing as it sounds to have a casual sexual relationship for the sake of mutual sexual satisfaction, I see the risks inherent in such a relationship to just be too high. One or both are at great risk of being hurt.

augustlan's avatar

Speaking only to committed relationships:

As to your first set of questions, no. Second choice for either party would be a deal-breaker for me. Settling for less leads to resentment in the long run. Resentment is a relationship killer.

As to your second set of questions, it depends. If you’ve been happy together for a long time and are happy to remain so, love without “in love” might be enough. If things are bad or rocky, it might not be enough to keep you together.

Paradox25's avatar

I tend to avoid women who have a long history of dating riff raff, bad boys, players, and guys who clearly are aholes, and then go on to say that “they’re willing to settle for a decent guy at that stage in their life” jib jab. It would be disrespectful to myself to do such a thing since I don’t believe that anybody is better than me.

Ironically I’ve had quite a few people give me a difficult time about my attitude on this topic. Fact for me here is that I want to be with a woman who wished that other guys were like me, and that I have qualities that beat out the choices of guys I’d mentioned above. I have no interest in being a second choice or a convenience. It’s not a matter of pride for me but self-respect.

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