Need advice on a possible blossoming long distance romance in early 40s?

Sounds like he has something else going on at home as in either a wife or a S/O. Why else would he wait so long between texting? His son can’t take up that much of his time.
I also don’t like how he mislead you from the beginning by saying he lived in your state, when in fact, he didn’t. I would let this guy go. Good looks aren’t everything.

I tend to agree with @chyna on this one its suspicious that so many days go by between texts, like when he’s home your an after thought. I hope the wife thing is not the case but it does happen just watch one of those shows like 20/20 and the guy is married to a few women around the world and visits each.

Ken was playing around out of town while Barbi is at home with Skipper and Ken Jr. lol
Sounds fishy to me. If you really hit it off with someone and wanted to meet again in a few weeks you wouldn’t let days go between messaging or phone calls or some sort of regular communication. Sounds suspect to me.

It’s a very good thing that the physical contact didn’t go beyond kissing. You seem to be a person with high personal standards, and I think you would have regretted any sexual relations. You also seem to be perceptive and have good instincts about an odd situation.

We live in the age of instant information. Can’t you Google the heck out of this guy and learn more? You might even consider paying a few bucks to one of those search companies for some background information – marriage and divorce records, his current address, and whether he’s ever been arrested.

I think you’ve dodged a bullet so far. There are a host of problems with a long distance relationship, and they can be overcome if both people are sincere and honest and both work towards it succeeding. If he had sustained his interest and been more open about his home life, I’d say go for it.

But the big drop off in texts/communication from very frequent to 7 to 10 days apart is a huge red flag. If he had continued to communicate on a daily basis, he’d be open to you long term and it would show he wasn’t wrapped up in something else.

This stuff is hard to get through, because we all want such wonderful weekends to evolve into a wonderful relationship. But usually they don’t, and then we have to deal with the reality.

So, chalk it up to experience, time to move on.

Generally, I assume the worst. But in this case I am a bit optimistic. Just straight up ask him what is up. He gets offended and bails, or you bail without asking, or he actually has a reasonable explanation.

You have only been with him a very short time. Anyone can behave nicely at the beginning of a relationship. You need to see if he has a temper, you need to know what he thinks about money. I am concerned that he sort of fibbed on the dating web site.

These are very different perspectives than my friends here have given, I really appreciate the thoughts.

To add to this now concerning me, I have not YET been completely honest with this man as I only hung around him TWICE, he didn’t live in the STATE, and I would never divulge that information about me on a regular second date.

I haven’t been on this site in months but I am in a bitter custody battle which has effected the last 10 months of my life and a huge part of who I am, of course.
I did NOT share this information with HIM, as I felt it was not currently his BUSINESS, and so feel a bit weird judging HIM at this point on something like a girlfriend he may have at home.
Neither of us are married, we talked in depth about the details and time frame of our divorces where I can tell he is being truthful in this regard.

We both agreed immediately that since we live across the country we would be seeing other people, just not talk a lot about it or give DETAILS, as we only just met and have zero commitment.

The last time we spoke on the phone, he asked ME , “So have you met anyone as cool as me?” As I always answer, I said, ” I date. And the thing is…I can SEE THEM.”
In other words, I can spend time with them, to which he commented, ” well that makes sense.”

My answer in my head was NO WAY I haven’t met anyone I connected with like you, as I wonder if it’s the same for him….just we are both single and attractive and why would we suddenly STOP seeing people in our hometowns.

This additional information may help.

My intention was that if he paid money to fly here, as opposed to being here on a job assignment, I would then owe HIM the courtesy and trust of filling him in on my Custody situation and more details concerning my daughters.
Otherwise though, why would someone out of state need to know.

Dating is very complicated and giving out personal information, especially to out of STATE people, is done very carefully- so I would expect the same of him

One thing he WAS funny about was his ADDRESS. He does have mine as he had to find it the second time.

He made an issue, jokingly , about NOT giving out his address…...........

On his son, he is nine years old and he has him every other weekend as part of the custody. If this helps.

He has been divorced 7 months and separated now 25 months

thanks

@Crossroadsgrl So that’s a lot of new information. You are both in a position to not be exclusive and he is probably dating just as your, and involved with the kids.

So given all that, you are going in to a difficult relationship eyes wide open. Are you able to do that knowing it will most likely not work, but ready to give it a try anyway? If so, best of luck to you.

Yes zenvelo, why not

I have had the deepest pain imaginable the last year or so and feel I AM strong enough to handle the results if we handle things maturely and slowly and it still does not work

I will continue dating other people until or unless he gave me a ring ( assuming after a year or so and many visits I even wanted one )

But I do have a special connection with him I have never experienced so why not give it my all

CHYNA, you were RIGHT.
He has already found a woman who he has dated 5–6 times and who he is sleeping with ..which I told him I am glad he told me and appreciate the honesty.

Why in the world would he continue texting me if I am in another state and he is sleeping with a girl. He owes me nothing.

After he told me, he continued to chat with me, then luckily my phone went dead.

I will now text with him TODAY only, then drop it and disappear unless he texts and I will text back in a friendly but more business manner.

I am not angry, as he is doing exactly what seems normal, we live across the country from each other.

I am hurt but mature enough not to show anger towards him, in case there is a future LATER and this woman is an easy rebound

thoughts?

I’m not happy that I was right, but I’m glad you found out.
I don’t see any reason why you can’t remain friends or text buddies with him.

We have been texting all today…because it’s nice for HIM to have both…for me it is harder

we’ll have to see…we definitely have a connection