Social Question

flip86's avatar

Do husband/wife shared facebook accounts weird you out?

Asked by flip86 (6213points) August 18th, 2013

I think they’re kinda creepy. If you message them or they respond to your posts you never really know which one it is you’re dealing with.

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22 Answers

livelaughlove21's avatar

Yes! My sister-in-law AND my brother-in-law have combined Facebooks with their SO’s (neither are married). Uh, did you lose your personal identity when you started dating this person? Talk about being stuck up someone’s ass. It’s so stupid.

zenvelo's avatar

Thank gawd I am not a facebook friend with any couple like that.

It’s weird enough for me when parents are friends of their kids.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@zenvelo My parents are my friends on Facebook. I’m also 23, so I don’t need to censor anything for them. Also, I don’t post pictures of me partying or half naked. One, because I’m not a party girl or an attention whore and two, because employers can access my Facebook. If my parents shouldn’t see it, neither should potential employers.

jonsblond's avatar

I don’t think it’s weird for older couples. They didn’t grow up with the internet and they may not use it much anyway, so a shared account makes sense. My mom has an account that my father uses. He rarely uses the internet, so that’s why he just uses my mom’s account to keep in touch with family. They are in their late 70s. My dad will let us know that it’s him who is doing the typing.

I do think it is a bit odd for younger couples. It just screams insecurity. imo

hearkat's avatar

Yes, with the exception of senior citizens, like @jonsblond mentions. To me it seems a bit too controlling and untrustworthy that they can’t have separate accounts.

I am friends with my son and many of his friends and ex-girlfriends, even before they were out of high school, @zenvelo; why do you think it is weird?

jonsblond's avatar

I have a lot of friends who are friends with their children. My sister is friends with her children and my SIL is friends with my nieces. I admit it makes me a little envious. I’ve never asked to be friends with my sons who are 19 and 21, though I would love it if we were. I“ll let that be their decision.

bunnyslippers's avatar

I hardly ever use facebook, I technically have two accounts because I was confused about how to make a business page, but that doesn’t matter what does is they are both friends with my mother. My dad doesn’t have an account, or any social media account, but then he fears the new.

As for the question asked I do find them creepy, I can see forgiving an older couple for doing it but younger couples that do that give me the wiggins. I need my space sometimes and I can’t even imagine that level of togetherness, I think it would drive me insane personally, well if I used facebook much anyway. That does kind of dull my argument, but then again I see it as meaning they do everything together.

zenvelo's avatar

@hearkat I was dating a woman who is older and her kids are in their early twenties. It just seems a bit intrusive in their lives, and I felt it was a bit too close for me to post nice pictures of the two of us while dating.

sinscriven's avatar

Agreed. To me social networks are very personal, so it’s like seeing a husband and wife sharing a pair of panties.

hearkat's avatar

Intrusive in their lives? I would hope one can be as close with their adult children as they are with their friends, but without being controlling.. My son and I are very close, because he’s my only kid and I am his only parent and we’ve been through a lot. However, we have transitioned to a respectful adult relationship. He lives with my fiancé and I and we get along well. We give him plenty of space, and he comes and goes as he pleases, and his gf would stay over when they were together. We’re all adults. Also, my fiancé never said anything about feeling weird about posting pics of us while we were dating. I guess it could be awkward if people’s relationships with their kids are too codependent.

bob_'s avatar

They weird the fuck out of me.

ucme's avatar

This applies to roughly 42.7% of all facebook users, fucking weirdoes.

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t think it is werid for older couples. One of the people in the relationship might not feel comfortable using computers. The only couples I know who use combined accounts usually only one of them really uses it. If their SO happens to get on the computer once in a while he states it’s him usually.

I don’t think it is a big deal. Shared email and facebook accounts make it obvious to their friends that both people in the relationship see and have access to everything written.

anniereborn's avatar

@JLeslie and that is exactly why it’s creepy. they “see and have access to everything written”.....someone there is controlling or they are WAY too codependent. My cousins-in-law have a shared account. Trust me….that wife is very controlling.

JLeslie's avatar

@anniereborn My husband can log onto my account at anytime. He never does, but he can. If I need something out of his computer or email I have all his passwords. I would always assume married couple share access on everything anyway, even though I know some couples don’t do that.

hearkat's avatar

@JLeslie – My fiancé and I have access to all of each other’s passwords, too. We also have a couple shared email addresses for stores and event calendars, etc. But we each have several separate email addresses and we have separate social network account. We are two independent adults who don’t define ourselves by our couplehood and we don’t mistrust the other.

If a couple is under 55 years old and they have a shared account, it just seems codependent and/or insecure. Even for those who are older, most that I know one isn’t interested or savvy and doesn’t have an account, and the other one who is interested puts their own name only – I have no doubt that they show stuff to their partner, but they don’t need to monitor each others every interaction… that’s the distinction.

JLeslie's avatar

@hearkat I agree there is a clear difference between couples having to see and monitor everything the other person is doing and people who just have access to each others accounts just because they happen to. I would make the age cut off more like 40, I am 45 and still used a typewriter for college papers. There are plenty of people, although probably a minority of people, in my generation who did not grow up using a computer and are in professions where they rarely use them.

I also think when people first sign up for facebook they have no idea what it is going to be like, so they create an account without really knowing what they are doing. They are just creating a username they will remember, or are thinking they will see family pictures and keep in touch with their children, etc. it doesn’t have to be that they are defined by their couplehood just because they created a username with their spouse.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Facebook accounts are meant for one user. This is why you only enter one date of birth (and name, for that matter) when you sign up. This weekend, my Facebook alerted me of my brother-in-law’s birthday like this, “Today is Brandon ~N~ Christin’s birthday. Would you like to write something on her wall?” Hm…no, I would not, as a matter of fact.

My mother is one of the most computer illiterate people on earth, as is my stepfather, and yet they have separate accounts. If one person in the relationship does not know how to use Facebook or has no plans to go on there for any reason, why can’t their partner be the only one with a Facebook?

There’s absolutely no reason to have a combined Facebook page. You are two completely separate people. Age has nothing to do with it.

JLeslie's avatar

Because a lot of people who have been married for 30 years always think in terms of each other. They are not codependent, they are just very united. Again, they may not understand everything facebook is when they sign up. They don’t know all their friends will be allerted about their birthday. They don’t know facebook is intended for one person, they just are signing up to see what it is all about and include their spouse, it can be totally innocent.

Or, it can be controlling, but it doesn’t have to be.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’ve never seen such a thing but if the couple doesn’t mind, that’s their business. If you mind, you can let them know.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@JLeslie You find out Facebook is intended for one person as soon as you sign up. You enter ONE email address, ONE name, ONE date of birth, ONE gender, etc. This is way before you even get to the point where you can upload pictures or change your display name to “Sam and Kate” or whatever.

I’m not saying it’s always a matter of trust or control or co-dependence. I’m just saying, no matter how old you are, you have your own identity aside from your partner. It doesn’t bother me enough to say something to them because, it’s Facebook and who the hell cares? But it does make me roll my eyes whenever I see it. I’ve actually never seen an older couple with a combined Facebook. The ones I know are 18, 21, and 24.

JLeslie's avatar

I had no idea people would be alerted to my birthday until my birthday came around and 30 people wrote happy birthday on my wall. Filling in some sort of “form” to have access doesn’t let you know how they will use the information. I really don’t think it is a big deal. I use my husband’s Marriott and Hilton numbers when I book a hotel, I don’t have my own number. All my cars are in my husband’s name. It’s just not a big deal in my opinion. Depending on the couple and how they use facebook it might be just fine. I don’t see why it should really bother anyone else. I would never have a facebook account with my husband, but that’s me. If a couple wants it that way it’s fine with me.

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