Social Question

pleiades's avatar

Men: Have you ever left your family for a weekend for a trip with your best buds?

Asked by pleiades (6597points) September 2nd, 2013

I’m dealing with this situation. I’m seeking strictly guy answers for no reason in particular so sorry in advanced if you are offended. My best buddy is leaving to the Navy in Oct. We’ve been talking about a drive from San Diego to San Francisco but now it’s become a reality and I really only got two weeks official notice from my buds!

So as you can imagine, I had to deal with work on the weekends and I got the ok from my manager. The kicker is I’ll be paying more in babysitting, losing money by not working the weekend, and feeling guilty for not helping out with my 1 year old son that weekend (as in not being able to pick him up from babysitting or dropping him off)

Have you ever been in this sort of “self-fish” situation?

Did you go for the trip and never regretted it? Did you not go on the trip and regret it? How did it play out for you. I’m asking as a father and not as a “bro” of the buddies.

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28 Answers

Rarebear's avatar

Many times, although granted, it’s harder with a 1 year old. Not sure how to advise you as I don’t know your partner obviously. I just do it. Sometimes I pay for it later, sometimes I don’t. But you should go.

augustlan's avatar

My ex-husband and I each took many solo trips with friends, leaving the other parent alone to care for our three children, even when they were quite young. Most of the trips were long weekends, but some were a week long. I think it’s essential to a parent’s well-being (and, by extension, the child’s well-being) to have some time away from family obligations now and then. Just be sure to pay it forward to your wife. She’ll need some time on her own, too. I know, I’m a woman. Sorry.

Headhurts's avatar

My colleagues husband is going to Spain this weekend with the lads. We live in the UK. She said she is completely fine with it. I know I wouldnt’t be.

jca's avatar

My stepfather goes on an annual trip with his friends. They’ve been doing it at least 15 years. Every year is a new destination. This year it will be Quebec. It’s been the same guys, more or less, for the 15 years, and the trips are about 4–6 days long. It started out as camping but now they’re staying in hotels. My mother is fine with it and I think she views it as a break because for that time period, she doesn’t have to deal with cooking him dinner.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@jca Really, a break from cooking him dinner? I’d really be looking at my relationship if that was the reason she’s glad to have me gone. (Note to self. Check with s/o)

longgone's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Let us know what she says.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@longgone What if she gives me the dog’s dish and the Alpo?

longgone's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Well…I think that was actually considered a marriage proposal in some ancient cultures. You should start a new thread to check. ~

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@longgone Excellent. When I stop laughing I’ll try. That was amazing.

zenvelo's avatar

Yes, it’s okay to leave the kids for a weekend, they won’t forget who you are. And the deal with the mom is that she gets a weekend or a week off too. It’s all about caring for yourself in a way that reciprocates on burdens.

The rest of the stuff: babysitting costs, missing work, expensive; that’s all a part of evaluating whether you want to go, nothing to do with anyone else.

Go and have fun!

filmfann's avatar

My father took several trips for the weekend or longer with his friends, and without my Mom. He would go to races (he was a consultant), or deer hunting.
My Mom took many vacations without my Dad. Usually, she would go to Hawaii with a friend.
My wife has gone on vacation without me, either back to Michigan or Oregon or to a gathering of people on a website she likes.
I have never done this, though many years ago I would be sent to Sacramento for a week for work training. Not the same thing. I simply wouldn’t enjoy my vacation without my wife.

Seek's avatar

Oh, go on the trip. Everyone needs a break sometimes. Cut loose, have fun, and offer your wife a road trip with her girlfriends as soon as it’s financially feasible.

For the record, I am usually the wife at home with the youngling. It’s not that big a deal. We get Chinese food and rent movies and go to the park. Mini-staycation.

drhat77's avatar

The dynamic of friends <=> wife is troubling even in the best of times. If you are feeling somewhat ambivalent about it remember you have obligations to your wife and child that you do not with your friends. If your wife has got this down, and she is genuinely ok with you going, don’t miss out. But if she feels that she is being pressured to give “the right answer” everyone will regret this little get together for a long time, and it may not be worth it.

bossob's avatar

It will depend on the type of relationship you have with your wife. My wife or I would be happy for the other that they got an opportunity to spend time with a special friend.

Headhurts's avatar

I agree with @adirondackwannabe, I would be worried about the relationship if she needed to get away to save cooking him dinner. If she wanted a break from cooking for them both , then they could go away together.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Like @Seek_Kolinahr says, go on the trip. It’s okay to be selfish on occasion, my hubs goes hunting or with his fam at times, no big deal. It helps you keep your head on straight if you get to cut loose sometimes!

rojo's avatar

I go every thanksgiving (or thereabouts) with guy friends every year and have done so since about 1975. At first we used to go caving with a group but after graduation, it gradually whittled down to four of us. Now, we either go camping or skiing depending on the weather. It used to be thanksgiving because of the extra days for the holiday gave us enough time to get to New Mexico and back. At some point (and after much bitching) we realized that we could go anytime we wanted and so tried spending thanksgiving with the family. That was the beginning of the end of that tradition.
It is down to two of us now, my brother stopped going because he caught so much grief from his wife and was usually broke anyway. Another friend who married late in life also stopped going. At first it was because her folks were getting on in years and only had a limited number of holidays left. After they died, he just never started going again, again, spousal pressure.
Personally, I get grief about it every year and have to put up with the pouting for 2–3 weeks afterward (good thing my right hand still works) but I go anyway.

My wife does not object to my going “with the boys” she just wants to be included. But, anyone who has gone on an all guy trip knows why this is not a good idea, particularly when it is only YOUR wife who is along. And, she is the only one of the spouses who has expressed any interest.

Actually, one year we took a group ski trip, three couples, just to give it a try. It was extremely tense, the wives did not get along all that well and got angry at the way the guys treated each other and the guys all got irritated at the other guys wives little idiosyncrasies.

Seek's avatar

@rojo Yeah. No chicks allowed.

My hubby’s in a band, and is a ridiculous music buff. Yes, I would LOVE to go to Maryland DeathFest with him, but I have absolutely NO desire to hang around with his dumbass friends for a drunken 4 day weekend.

The absolute worst part of his sausage party trips is having to hear about how awesome it was for a week afterward. But hey, that’s cool. Last time I got a tour-only issued Macabre girly baseball-style shirt out of the deal. I love that shirt.

Pandora's avatar

You are going to feel guilty no matter what. My husband had to go away while he was in the military and even though it was his job he felt guilty for having to go. But I think your guilt will be short lived so not a big deal.
So long as you minimize your spending and not go crazy into debt, you should feel fine. Also remember that turn around is fair play. Your spouse should be allowed a get-a-way as well if she wants in the future.
Separate vacations can be a healthy thing for a relationship. It gives you each time away to refresh and come back happy, relaxed and appreciate the little things you take for granted. Provided this vacation isn’t going to cut into the rent, or delay bills, or starve the family, then you should go for it.

jca's avatar

@Headhurts: The whole thing about her enjoying him going away to avoid cooking him dinner was a JOKE! Their relationship is fine after 30+ years of marriage, I can assure you. It’s a break for the two of them, not just about dinner! I didn’t want to write “LOL” after my post because I try to keep “LOL’s” to a minimum!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@jca I think we all got that and treated it so.

jca's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe: I think @Headhurts seemed to think their marriage is in trouble.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

If it was a serious remark I’d be hiring a food taster fast.

Headhurts's avatar

@jca Yes, I did think that. Sorry. Can’t pick up read jokes well.

jca's avatar

Thank you for being honest, @Headhurts.

Headhurts's avatar

@jca No problem. Sorry I got it wrong.

dabbler's avatar

My wife travels by herself a few times a year, occasionally for as long as a month or so.
I don’t feel compelled to travel as much, and I’m quite attached to our parrot so I’m just as inclined to be home.
My brother-in-law takes an annual trip with some high-school buddies every summer and that seems like an ideal men’s getaway. They are all baseball fans and travel out of town for a week or so to see a few games and swap stories.

pleiades's avatar

I ended up not going to go. I’m having SMOG problems with my car. On one hand I’m bummed about it, on another I’m relieved.

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