General Question

lovelessness's avatar

What if you got pregnant, at 15?

Asked by lovelessness (659points) September 15th, 2013

What would you do?

How would you tell your parents?

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23 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

At 15, I would get an abortion. My parents would be disappointed in me (which wouldn’t matter) but they wouldn’t stand in the way of my abortion. I would just tell them.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

If the relationship with the parents is open and understanding then it would be wise to discuss it. Nevertheless, I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir, it would seem the “best choice” for all parties involved. I am NOT for abortion as a birth control measure, but then again, at least 3 people’s lives would be getting F#*&^ED up here and most of all the innocent child’s on the way into life!

tinyfaery's avatar

I did. I told my mother who eventually told my dad. Abortion. The end. I rarely think about it.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

My initial reaction to those saying abortion was a bit judgmental. Then after considering the facts, I think if I was 15 and pregnant, the best choice would probably be abortion as well. I’m normally against it. But is it really better to bring a child into the world that can’t be properly cared for? Or has to be placed for adoption instead and spend its life in foster care systems? As for telling my parents, I’d tell my mom first. She’d break the news to my step dad if she felt it necessary.

antimatter's avatar

First ask yourself sex at fourteen is that good? Okay times is changing, people are becoming more active at younger ages, but if you were mature enough to have sex at fourteen and get get pregnant at fifteen, why were you not mature enough to take responsibility to have safe sex than. I guess prevention is better than cure. But yes abortion is the right way to go, and when you do tell be honest.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I wouldn’t. I was smart enough at 15 to know how a woman gets pregnant and how to go about preventing it. I didn’t start having sex until I was 18, though, and 6 years of sex later I’ve still never been pregnant. There’s no reason everyone else can’t have the same “luck.”

If I was like so many other 15 year olds who make stupid choices and end up pregnant, I’d most likely get an abortion. I’m 24 and can’t afford to give a child what I’d consider a good life (which is why I don’t have one), so I certainly couldn’t have done it at 15. My mom shouldn’t have to support another kid that she didn’t make.

But like I said, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant at 15. Or 16, or 17, or…

Judi's avatar

I came close at 15. At the time I would have had the baby. I probably would have raised it too. Although I support the right of people to make that deeply personal decision to have an abortion, I personally could never do it.
All three of my mothers daughters got pregnant before they were married.
I was 19. The father and I just told her and she cried.
I was the only one smart enough to not marry the bum.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@livelaughlove21 Yeah, I hardly think everyone getting pregnant at 15 is just ‘not smart enough.’ Or that that kind of ‘not smart enough’ ever ends. Half of pregnancies are unintended, for all ages, I believe. I really don’t think it’s easy to break that group into ‘smart’ and ‘not smart’ either. It’s about education and for many teens, they are prevented by VERY DUMB adults in their lives aka politicians or their parents from obtaining the necessary information about sex and its consequences.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir My parents weren’t particularly proactive with talking to me about sex and I’m not immune to my environment. Most people have the same access to the information I did. If you’re old enough to have sex, you’re old enough to know how to protect yourself. If you asked a large group of teens (in this day and age) that became pregnant as a teen why that happened, I’m fairly certain none of them would say they simply didn’t know how to prevent pregnancy. They choose not to; simple as that. Because kids think they’re invincible. And that’s just plain stupid.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I really don’t think most people have the same access to information – that is about your class position and where you’re located. Of course, many people are ‘old enough to have sex’ (hard to define) but don’t know what they’re doing or what they’re doing it with or why they’re even doing it. I have undergraduates in my Human Sexuality courses (18/19/20 year olds) and they’ve been having sex for years but don’t know reproductive systems, much about pregnancy or protection. Are some feeling invincible? Sure, but I sincerely believe we are failing our teenagers (as parents and as educators) in this area of sexuality, or any area, for that matter.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Agree to disagree. I say it’s not the teens that are the victims. Treating them as such excuses them from the responsibility of their actions. The real victims are the resulting children.

filmfann's avatar

My step daughter was pregnant at 15. Abortion. She is now 34, and about to marry that would-of-been-a-child’s father, after 19 years of dating others.

augustlan's avatar

I got pregnant at 19. Told my mother, agonized over what to do for a while, then had an abortion. I later married the would-be-father, and eight years later, we started having children when we were ready to. We have three great kids together.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I’d have had it & maybe kept it or gave it to my auntie to raise. Abortion wasn’t an option I’d consider for myself.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I’m not talking about victims because I hate victimology narratives where it’s ‘either/or.’ I think placing all the burden of responsibility on teenagers (when, in any other instance, we just love to ‘blame the parents’) masks that they are not the ONLY ones responsible but it doesn’t make them blameless.

Unbroken's avatar

@livelaughlove21 I don’t think pregnancy is smart or dumb necessarily.

I think it has to do with caring for themselves and their lives or futures. If they even look into the future at all. It can be about intelligence but I also think it is about hope and self esteem. Some people just don’t have enough to take care of themselves. Some people care only about what is seen others not even that.

I join the abortion ranks. It takes true courage to have a child at such an age facing everyone. But more so to not keep the baby. I do believe in adoption being a great thing. But I know too many woman who have a family lined up and then they get overwhelmed with the after birth horomones. They decide impulsively that they can’t possibly and selfishly that they can’t possibly give them. Eventually it is passed to the grandparents to care for the child.

If I were pregnant at 15 and told my parents they would have not given consent to the abortion. Saying I needed to sleep in the bed I made. I would be very desperate to get rid of the child without them knowing.

tinyfaery's avatar

I was actually 14 when I got pregnant. I had an abusive father. Admittedly, I had daddy issues. I met a boy, he made me feel loved and protected and he happened to be 3 years older than I. Sex was on his mind even if it wasn’t on mine. I wanted to please him. So I did.

Getting pregnant wasn’t even on my radar. Staying away from my father was priority number one and he and his family helped me. I was with that boy, on and off, until I was 19.

I am not stupid. I have never been stupid and I will never be stupid enough to assume or imply that anyone else is stupid for getting pregnant when I don’t know their unique, individual story.

I haven’t been pregnant since and I’ve only been in a same-sex relationship for 12 years. I had sex with guys and knew enough how not to get pregnant, tyvm.

livelaughlove21's avatar

…I wouldn’t call teens that get pregnant stupid if I got pregnant as a teen, either. Quite obviously.

I’d also like to point out that my original argument was that I was smart enough to know how to prevent pregnancy at 15. Even when the term “stupid” came into the conversation, it was in reference to the decision to have unprotected sex. Now I’m suddenly calling all pregnant teens stupid? Okay.

I’ve made stupid decisions and yet I’m not stupid. We all make stupid decisions. Not protecting oneself against pregnancy when a pregnancy is not wanted is stupid, particularly when one knows better (and I still argue that most do by 15). And, unfortunately, it often has negative effects on the resulting children. When you make mistakes that affect others, that makes the mistake worse than one that only affects you. It doesn’t make you a horrible person, but the “it is what it is” attitude doesn’t make the original act any smarter.

paperbackhead's avatar

You would still be dependent on your parents for support, even if it is your child. 15 is too young for a baby.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@livelaughlove21 My mom got pregnant at 17, and she admits it was her lack of knowledge and a strong desire to go against everything she was taught. I agree with you completely.

Sourkitten's avatar

My cousins all did. They turned out fine. Parents that love you will understand :)

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Ettina's avatar

It would really depend on the circumstances, not just the age. What are your beliefs about abortion, adoption and teen parenthood? What kind of support system do you have? What other problems, if any, are you dealing with? Do you have a good understanding of the challenges parenthood brings and what you’ll need to give up?

So, imagining if I’d gotten pregnant at 15:

a) I am strongly opposed to abortion, so that would’ve been off the table. My Mom gave up a baby for adoption before she had me, so I might have followed her lead. However, she did find it emotionally tough to do so, and I would too. By that age, I also knew I wanted to be a mom at some point, but didn’t know if I could, so I’d probably have been worried that if I gave up the baby I might never have another one. Plus, I’m white, and sad to say, white babies are more likely to get adopted, so my baby would probably have had good prospects if I put them up for adoption. (Unless the father was another race, of course.)

b) I had a pretty good support system. My parents are very supportive and would have backed me up whatever my choice, and I know I could’ve turned to my Mom for help parenting. However, both my parents were working then, so I’d have had to quit school. Not as big a deal for me as for most people, though, because I’d been homeschooled from grades 7–9 and would go on to be homeschooled for 11–12, so I’d have gotten grade 12 anyway.

c) I’m high functioning autistic and an abuse survivor, so those would have been challenges. At 15, I was having a flare-up of my PTSD because of the stress of being back in school, so I would have had a lot of trouble handling stress. Plus, I had no intention of having sex with anyone (I’m sex-repulsed asexual) so if I’d gotten pregnant it would probably have been by rape, which would have made it a lot harder to cope. (I did have several close calls at 15, where I had to threaten guys with the police to stop them from trying to sexually assault me.)

d) I had a younger brother (8 years younger) and had read a lot about child development so I had some idea of what babies needed, but I really would have had no idea what being responsible for a child every day would have meant. I would have had a huge learning curve if I decided to keep the child. I recently (at age 26) got a puppy and it really took me by surprise just how exhausting it is to have some vulnerable and dependent creature constantly seeking attention from you.

I honestly don’t know what I’d have chosen. Not abortion, obviously, but would I have kept the baby or given them up? I don’t know.

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