What would you do if your ex asked if you wanted to go out for dinner?

He has done in the past. I said no.

I’d say no, either way.

Again I ask, Ex as in former boyfriend or Ex as in former spouse? I find this usage so confusing.

I wouldn’t ignore the text. I would decline the offer. If he wanted to talk, it would be a quick coffee when it suited me or in a room with a third party professional. I ended up having dinner with him and my son because I CHOSE to allow him to see us and spend some time and show him a route to one of my son’s activities, should he ever have to drop him off or pick him up himself. Due to the time frame, it included a dinner, which he started to pay for, but I handed him cash to cover our portion and insisted he take it because I didn’t ask him along so he would buy us dinner.

Missing from this question…

Ex what?
Who broke with who, as someone appears to be hurt.
What does “okay terms” mean? Not a lot, apparently if you’re unaware of his current dating status.
Are you intending this to be a date?
How long since you broke up?
Approximate ages?

If you want help from this question, you need to make the situation clear.

Even more importantly, you need to make sure that the situation is clear in your own mind.

Depends on which “ex”, which determines who’s paying.

I’m always up for a free dinner.

My ex first asked me to come have a beer and bbq. I did. Next, we went to dinner and a movie. Going again next week. Then, we’re going on a 3 day trip to our old holiday home. ( If we can trust our teenagers while we’re away which I doubt). It’s going very well. I’m glad we reconnected. We never talk about the old horrible times, have tacitly agreed not to. We had a shocking divorce in which he sued the pants off me and took my kids away for 10 years.

Wow. That is an impressive amount of forgiveness, @trailsillustrated.

@trailsillustrated Curious how you could come to that acceptance – liking – again.

Me and @janbb both.

There a hell of a tale to be told, there.

I have been through a transformation since then, I believe forgiving is the best thing you can do. He has changed also. It took me ten years to pay it off, and get back home. I feel so terrible about the past and what my kids went through, I just want the family to be solid again. If he is big enough to forgive, I am big enough to forgive him.

@trailsillustrated Sounds like there may have been things to forgive on both sides then?

@janbb OH yes.

I don’t really regret my marriage ending any more but I hate, hate, hate that we are not a family any more.

My heart bled for every minute of those ten years.

@trailsillustrated man, that’s reality TV show stuff. Few, few people could imagine that.

@ibstubro it is not even the tip of the iceberg, so to speak, what happened.

Well, all I can really say is that I’m glad you’re finding some peace, now. Just take it slow.

Okay, I’m trying to make myself remember how I felt not long after my divorce. At that time, my answer would have been a resounding “no”. Now that time has passed and we have become “friends”, I would love to have dinner with him and catch up, see what he’s doing, hear about his family, etc.

We were always great at being friends, just not so good at being married.

Meet up for the no strings sex and a meal.

Wear a wire tap and hire a body guard.

Text?

Wouldn’t respond.

If they called on the phone like an adult, I’d consider it.

I’m with @Seek_Kolinahr – I’d ignore it if it was a text. If it was a phonecall, I’d politely decline in either case.

Depends on which Ex.
If it was my Ex husband….first I would pass out, as we haven’t had contact in like a decade.
Then I would say yes. (we are both re-married)

My Ex almost fiance’ I am still in contact with and I would def say yes. (we are both married too)

It would depend on how the invitation was conveyed. If I got a single text after months or years of not speaking and all it said was, “Do you want to go out to dinner next week?” I’d be taken aback and inclined to decline – although I’d reply and ask how they’re doing and what motivated them to contact me before making a decision.

If an ex crossed my mind and something compelled me to contact him, I’d open up with a conversation and ask how he’s doing and let him know I was thinking of him. Only if that went favorably would I consider proposing a get-together and I would make it clear if my interests were platonic or if I was looking to rekindle the flame. I believe in being honest and forthcoming and allowing others to make informed decisions. I detest guessing games.

As it is, I am not single so I wouldn’t be trying to get cozy with any of my exes, besides which – they’re exes for good reason. Early in my current relationship, an ex sent me an email after almost a year apart, and asked if I wanted to attend a concert with him or if I was in a relationship. I replied that I was very happily in a relationship, but that would not prevent me from talking to him or going to the concert. Still, I had to decline because I already had tickets to that show with another friend.

Is this the guy that you were asking about not communicating well a month ago? Just curious.

I wouldn’t go. If all I received was a text, I might not respond to it, depending on the ex. If I did respond, it would be a short, “No, I’m not interested” message.

I would not respond. Far too much baggage on both sides for us to have any type of relationship, although I have to add that it took us more than 25 years years to figure that out.

^^^ I’m betting that one of you figured it out first. lol

@Pachyderm_In_The_Room Yeah, I can see how it would be difficult, carrying around those trunks full of memories.

;-)

My ex boyfriend, after 2 years, still texts and calls on a pretty regular basis. I ignore him completely and I don’t feel bad about it.
Sometimes it’s just easier to ignore somebody.

My ex just hates me because I’m a truth teller. So what else is new? All assholes hate truth tellers.

@Coloma That’s too funny! I actually find your straight forwardness refreshing. Plus it’s hilarious when you blast somebody with your truth telling.

@ibstubro, you’re right, and some of those bad members are even truncated.

@Pachyderm_In_The_Room I feel badly for you. I’m sure you life was really a circus there for a while.

sorry, I can’t help it…it’s late here

For me, I would not be interested. If I received a text asking me to dinner, I would respond “no thanks” or something like that. I have an ex who will occasionally email and mentions things like “call me if you want to talk” or some crap like that and I just ignore it.

As for you, in your situation, I am guessing that by now you have either received a response or no response. Can you update the group as to whether he responded or not?

@Seek_Kolinahr raises such a good point, but I am so used to being relegated to NOT being spoken to, or at the very BEST I can expect is an SMS, this fact didn’t even register. wow.