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savings45678's avatar

Women, have you dated a guy who was significantly more attractive than you? Did it make you insecure?

Asked by savings45678 (149points) March 18th, 2014

On a scale of 1 -10; I’m a 4–7. That depends on the day and my mood. Sometime I feel really insecure if a really good looking guy shows interest in me and I wonder “why does he even like me?” I do have a great personality. Women how have you dealt with this? Men were you the good looking one in the relationship?

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32 Answers

Coloma's avatar

I wouldn’t say so, no. I think most of my partners and I have been equally attractive, whatever that really means. lol
Insecurity kills relationships no matter the attractive factor and physical attraction has nothing to do with character. As a mature woman I can say that intelligence, humor and good character trump looks any day of the week.

You should value yourself much more for your inner qualities than your outer appearance.

Dutchess_III's avatar

…I was a 10.

Aster's avatar

Many years ago I dated a few men who were not necessarily better looking than I was but because they were younger and handsome and thought I was as young as they were I was very uncomfortable. I was in tip top shape, a size ten and had 2 gym memberships but to me they were practically Elvis. One of them had the gall to look through my hair for gray hairs when he saw how old my daughter was.
Never again. I hope.

Juels's avatar

Hubs has always been the pretty one but that’s ok; my daughter turned out beautiful.

savings45678's avatar

@juels Has it made you jealous at any point? At the beginning of your relationship, did you ask him why did he choose you and not someone else? (I know that you guys chose each other)

livelaughlove21's avatar

On a scale of 1 -10; I’m a 4–7.

That’s quite a wide range! But I actually know how you feel. That’s pretty much how I feel about myself, depending on the day.

I think my husband is more attractive than I am. I’d say I’m about a 5 or 6 most days and he’s about an 8 or 9, but I may be biased on both fronts. I’ve only had one other boyfriend, who I also thought was more attractive than I am (though not anymore – he’s fat and balding now). My husband would probably say that he thinks I’m more attractive than him, but he’s full of crap because he’s a hottie. I could stand to lose 10ish lbs and I’m pretty plain Jane, especially without makeup (which is partly why I love my makeup so much). My family always makes me out to be more attractive than I think I am – for example, I mentioned I wanted to go visit my step-brother, who is currently in prison. My step-father said, “Be careful, you might start a riot!” Yeah, I know, it doesn’t take much to attract a prisoner, but I just rolled my eyes at his comment.

It doesn’t bother me that he’s prettier than I am. I’m actually pretty proud of him and I secretly enjoy that I’ve got the cutest guy out of everyone I know. And I feel damn lucky that I landed him, not that I don’t deserve him or that he doesn’t have any faults, because he’s got plenty. I try hard to take care of myself and look good, for myself mostly, and I don’t constantly worry that he’s going to go find some hotter girl or cheat on me. He’s made it very clear that he thinks I’m attractive, so I have no worries!

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

Yes, I have. No, I didn’t feel the least bit insecure; I felt confident and great about myself.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Usually I was the more attractive one, I tend to like not so pretty guys because I like them smart…lol, but I was insecure once or twice.

One guy that I really loved, I almost lost due to jealousy and insecurity. He was extremely smart, I thought he was attractive, funny, a good dresser, the same values as me, etc…so naturally I became a little leery of other women giving him too much attention.

Of course I wasn’t always wrong, and I remember throwing a fit twice and it ended up for a very good reason, they were after him, and I wasn’t crazy. So I’d say unless you very strongly feel someone is trying to snatch him, be cool. If he wanted to leave, he’d leave, he has the choice of whether to be with you or not.

Guys usually don’t like clingy chicks anyway, they like self-confidant, sexy women. Think a good girl with the attitude of a stripper. Tell yourself you can have anyone you want every day and be confident. You will survive without him if the worst happens, and if you make progress on yourself, maybe you can keep him forever because you’ll be healthy.

Juels's avatar

@savings45678 No, not really. He finds me attractive and that’s all that matters. We’ve both changed during the 25+ years that we’ve been together. Relationships based on superficial looks don’t normally last so long.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

I’ve lost men who felt I was too pretty for them.

They would seem super, but once in a relationship, kept asking what I saw in them. My eyesight is so fuzzy, looks are basic shapes and colors to me, but they would get so hung up on the matter.

Coloma's avatar

Well..there are certainly a lot more good looking people than smart people out there.
Finding wit, a sharp mind and humor is much harder than finding a show pony in my experience.

Unbroken's avatar

I’ve had flings with males more attractive then me. I generally couldn’t stand them personally. Men and women generally choose people equal to them as a previous poster said.

But really if he is attracted to you if he has a personality or something else to make him worth it acknowledge the feeling of jealousy and insecurity. Make a joke out of it and tell him he brings a lot more to the table then his looks. as you do.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Well, fortunately I’m a show pony with a wit sharp enough to slice things. Pfft. I fall for the heart, not the looks.

JLeslie's avatar

As my husband and I age he is more gorgeous than me. He looks younger (we are the same age) and this will only get worse, because my wrinkles and blemishes will increase and my hair will thin. He has olive skin that barely has a wrinkle and thick wavy black hair (still black at age 46). Once in a while I get a wave of insecurity. If I died tomorrow, God forbid, he could very easily get a very attractive woman ten years younger.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Men age like fine wine. Women age like milk. Sorry, boys.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Milk sours and turns to crap. Wine get’s sweeter with more character as it ages. I’ll take the wine. :)

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Well duh, that was what I said. My “sorry, boys” was the implication that you’re stuck with us when we’re wrinkled and saggy, but you’re still eye candy for us.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I see. I picked it up as the guys letting themselves go first. The stinky old fat guy with the wallet on the chain type of thing and the hot wife. Oops.

Coloma's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Soooo, you’re a show pony that can actually navigate the wilderness trails without spooking at every little thing, and….you have a sharp mind and wit to boot. Well blow me down, in the horse world you’d be called a sensible mount with heart, let’s ride! lol

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I like to think I’m a good ride. :) Nothing much in nature spooks me and I always have a compass. Both literally and in my heart.

whitenoise's avatar

I’ll check with my ex… ;-)

Paradox25's avatar

The common mantra appears to be that women are more likely to be with a less attractive guy than vice versa because women value their looks, sexuality and like to think of themselves as the ‘prize’. A woman supposedly wants the guy to be dependent upon her sexual power over him, so if the guy is more attractive this could take way from that, especially if other more attractive women hit on or are willing to sleep with him.

Honestly I’m not sure whether I agree with the above reasons or not, but I do frequently see attractive women with down right ugly men, with many of these guys even having visibly rotting or no teeth, and even bad BO (I’m not joking). Maybe it’s because the uglier and stupider guys tend to overate themselves and be more confident, and are more likely to pursue the woman unlike a better looking guy who might overvalue himself based on his looks or intelligence, I don’t know, and I’m sure every person is different.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Paradox25 The common mantra where? Not here. And scientific evidence from psychology and anthropology suggests that if women are more likely to be with a less attractive man than vice versa, it is because men place a higher premium on looks when choosing among potential partners. This is not to say that women do not value physical attractiveness in a partner, only that they are statistically more willing to trade it for other features than men are.

The work of John Marshall Townsend is an excellent entry point into this area of research if you are interested.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Paradox25 Society values women’s looks etc. Women themselves tend to value personality, or maybe money before looks, in a man.

JLeslie's avatar

@paradox Actually, what I have read is men and women usually couple up with people of similar attractiveness, but there are exceptions of course. Women do tend to look for security, which translates to stable income, and things like sense of humor, in men. Men often do put a lot of value on looks.

I think women still are like trophies to some extent. If your wife is beautiful it is something a man takes pride in and feels somewhat of an accomplishment. Women can still in society take some credit for her husband’s success in his career. Saying all that, I think the majority of people when they consider marriage are looking more or less at the entire package of personality and looks. Age matters from what I have observed. Younger people tend to focus more on looks.

Paradox25's avatar

@JLeslie Men are only doing what they’re expected to. Even in today’s modernized western world the roles men should play still seem mixed. Both sexes need to rewrite what they expect of the other, it can’t just be one way.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It’s slowly changing, @Paradox25. Nowadays men claim to value intelligence as well as physical looks. Wasn’t that way 20 years ago.

JLeslie's avatar

My husband does not like stupid women. I haven’t worked in a few years and I think that has had a negative impact on how he views me.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Same here @JLeslie. It also causes me to view myself negatively. But I have a lead on a legal secretary position that will start in August, when the current secretary goes back to school.

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