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Feta's avatar

My parents are mad at me for being depressed?

Asked by Feta (930points) July 18th, 2014

I’ve been really moody lately and finally my parents harassed me so much today that I just came out and told them that they’ve said things in the past that really upset me and that I felt uncomfortable in their home and I didn’t think it was fair that they don’t hold themselves responsible for the things they have said to intentionally hurt my feelings.
And I admitted my darkest secret that I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a long time and that I’ve tried four times to kill myself.

My stepmom immediately began harassing me about when I’d tried to kill myself and how I’d tried to do it. She made fun of me and then said that I’m lying and wanting attention. She said I made it all up because I have friends that have problems like that (I have friends that are cutters and depressed because we’ve bonded over the healing process) and because I like the singer Elliott Smith (yes, she actually said that).

I asked her to stop yelling at me and my dad defended me, she was appalled and he quickly recanted that he wasn’t taking my side.
She saw that as a go-ahead to start mocking me again.
She threatened to have me admitted in a mental hospital. She said mockingly to my dad, “Well this is serious. Your daughter’s suicidal. She needs to go to the hospital right now. I think this is an emergency.”

After sitting in silence for awhile she tried asking me questions (rudely) and I said, “I’m not going to talk to you about it.” And she yelled, “Fine!!” and stormed out of the room and has been hiding in her bedroom for the past 3 hours.

I talked to my dad about it, he’s going to get me counseling.

But my stepmom is still mad. Funny thing is, she’s actually a therapist.

I don’t know what to say to her or if I should apologize.
I shared something with them that for the longest time I didn’t feel safe telling them. I’ve had it bottled up for years….and I guess I was right, it wasn’t safe to tell them.

So I don’t know what to do. Do I apologize to her and if I should…what do I apologize for?
Telling the truth?

(For the record, I’m not longer suicidal. I’ve just had things bottled up for so long that I’ve been on-edge)

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10 Answers

dina_didi's avatar

Don’t lose your temper. Your stepmother is in her bedroom to have all the attention on her. Leave it this way, don’t act aggressively and try not to argue with her. Be a diplomat. You have to defend yourself but you also have to act nicely. Have you considered talking to an expert about it? There are many organisations helping when a child or a teenager has that kind of problems anonymously and for free.

Lightlyseared's avatar

Your parents are mad because your depressed and they don’t know how to help you.

hearkat's avatar

I am glad that you say that you are no longer suicidal, and that your father will be getting you to a therapist.

Parenting is the toughest job in the world, and unfortunately, very few people are really qualified to do it. I recall times when my son was young that I got mad at him, but I eventually realized that I was mad because I had failed as a parent in some way. There are many aspects to this — for some it is a control issue, because they feel the kid should ‘obey’ them. Sometimes it is because they feel embarrassed by the child’s behavior as a reflection on themselves. A lot of the times it’s just that people don’t know how to express their fear and frustration and it comes out as anger – this is most likely the case with your father.

Relationships with step-parents are especially complex, which likely has added to the stress in the household. We want our kids to like and get along with the new spouse, and because we love both, we don’t understand why they don’t get along. For the step-parent, there is a lot of pressure to try to establish a close relationship with the child(ren) without being overbearing or trying too hard to be friends with them. And for the kids, you may not have fully processed the reasons why your parents are not together yet you feel forced into the situation with a step-parent way too soon.

Try to understand that it is not you they are angry with, it is the whole situation that is upsetting them. Now, we don’t know their side of the story, and perhaps you have been acting out your own fears and frustrations that has made the situation worse.

You are old enough and smart enough to type out your story to us, so that means that you are old enough now to take accountability for your actions. I had an abusive childhood, and I wasted too many years on thinking about what my life might have been like if someone had loved me, and I focused so much rage and blame on my family and used that as an excuse for the mistakes I continued to make. I am hoping that you won’t follow in my footsteps and that, with the help of your therapist, you will find a way to accept the past as unchangeable, and learn to choose actions in the present that will lead you toward the future you want and deserve.

GloPro's avatar

If you have attempted suicide 4 times then I believe you should be evaluated immediately. Suicide attempts are no joke, even if you think you are past it but acknowledge that you are depressed.
Hopefully your parents will realize the seriousness of what you told them, regardless of if they believe you or not. If they don’t act on and follow through with getting you a counselor immediately then please take it upon yourself to find help.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Are you 18 yet? This sounds very similar to the same problems you told us about last year. I get the feeling that you are going to have to start taking action on your own without your parents. I understand that this is hard, but you have a toxic relationship with your step-mother. Sometimes the only fix for a toxic relationship is to get away from it. You’ve told us before that she is a big part of your depression. Are you able to move out? Do you way access to transportation so that you could get yourself to a doctor or therapist? Do you have friends that can help you through this? Any other family you can reach out to?

Feta's avatar

I turn 18 this year but I can’t leave or my parents would refuse to help me with college.
I’ve got friends, but my dad seems to be supportive.

I don’t know what’s up with my stepmom. I don’t know why she got mad. I don’t know why she’s still hiding in her room (I went upstairs so she could come out without having to see me and she still hasn’t).
She’s refusing to eat. She says she’s not mad but she was slamming things around so obviously she is.

I know it isn’t, but I can’t help feeling like I just shouldn’t have said anything and that all of this is my fault and I probably just royally screwed up my life for the next few months.

She said that it is my fault. That it’s my fault that I was depressed because other people don’t make people have depression, the people who are depressed just take things too seriously.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Just ignore your idiot stepmother if you can and stick with your dad. He sounds cool.

Quit trying to kill yourself. It isn’t the solution.

Coloma's avatar

Your step mom is a therapist? Well…talk about the Cobblers children having no shoes!
Please follow through with the counseling and do not let your psycho step moms insensitive and immature reactions get to you. I am appalled at your stepmothers behavior!

snowberry's avatar

Agree with @Coloma In spite of her being a therapist, step mom is a train wreck. Don’t believe anything she says, unless it’s confirmed by an outside source. Be polite to her, and try to keep the peace, but never confide in her about anything again. Perhaps your therapist can help your father and step-mom understand your need to be able to have private conversations with him from time to time. It would help your relationship.

Thammuz's avatar

1) Nothing to apologise for, so no apologies.

2) Sounds to me like your stepmom has some coping to do. Considering she’s a therapist, she’s probably feeling like shit for not having noticed the problem. Judging by your posts it seems you care about her, so either you’re too forgiving a person or she usually isn’t a cunt. She’ll get over it. And fuck her if she doesn’t.

3) Go to therapy, do not listen to your stepmom if she tries to intrude. As any good health professional will tell you, you never use a relative as your therapist, for any condition, regardless whether it’s physical or mental, but especially if it’s mental. That’s why the hyppocrates oath includes the duty to help other the practitioners’ relatives: so they don’t have to.

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