Social Question

wsxwh111's avatar

Does being a straight—looking gay means I haven't faced up to my sexual orientation?

Asked by wsxwh111 (2464points) September 30th, 2014

As is asked above…I’ve always wondered that are there always a “husband role” and a “wife role” in gay relationships? Are all gays, to some extent, feminine?(no offense…I suck at picking the appropriate word..) And..does it mean I haven’t faced up to my sexual orientation being a straight-looking gay (I mean character instead of clothing)?..
Thanks a lot :) !

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12 Answers

syz's avatar

Your sexual orientation is not determined by your appearance.

Don’t worry so much about roles and stereotypes and appearances and perceptions. Be who you are and if you’re attracted to the opposite sex, the same sex, neither or both is all you need to figure out.

Sexuality is not an either / or situation.

Pandora's avatar

It depends. Do you behave a certain way so you don’t get pegged as being gay? Or do you simply act that way because it is just part of your personality? In other words, you simply don’t have feminine characteristics
I’ve known people who seem straight but are openly gay by being affectionate in public with their partner and don’t blink an eyelash when letting someone know they are gay.

If you however feel the need to use your straight persona to hide the fact that you are gay, then I would say you are in denial or to afraid to possibly face rejection.
I’ve known gay couples that fit the society rules of one more masculine than the other and other that where not that way at all. Everyone is different. I think you have to decide if you are fitting the masculine role for yourself or for others.

I’m not gay, but it even happens in straight relationships. Sometimes the guy is the more sensitive person in the relationship and the woman is not. I think everyone has a feminine side and a masculine side. Or I should say, a sensitive and empathetic side and a firm no nonsense side. Not really a guy or girl thing.

Go for being true to who you really are. It doesn’t mean you have to scream to the rafters that you are gay. But it also doesn’t mean wearing a persona that isn’t true to you to keep your sexuality hidden. Just be you.

zenvelo's avatar

I heard a man ask this on Dan Savage, a man who is gay yet he looks and has interests that most people would consider “straight”, like being in a softball league and liking to play pick up hoops at the park.

The important thing is to not try to fit into someone else’s image of what you are supposed to be, but be the best You that you can be. Any time you try to fit into something other than @wsxwh111 you are being dishonest with yourself. And that will make you unhappy.

And when someone asks you why you are not effeminate or demonstrably butch gay, ask them where the handbook/instruction manual is, because you never got it.

If you are true to yourself, you can’t honestly be accused of not being true to anything.

dxs's avatar

People are who they are and it’s no use (and no one’s business) boxing them by their sexuality. Those aforementioned characteristics are only stereotypes.

jaytkay's avatar

are there always a “husband role” and a “wife role” in gay relationships?

This is not true.

You have male friends. You don’t have to play husband or wife with your male friends.

The same is true for boyfriends.

JLeslie's avatar

I’m straight and my husband and I don’t worry about wife roles and husband roles. Usually in long term relationships roles evolve and get negotiated within the couple to suit the needs of the individuals and the marriage as needs change.

marinelife's avatar

No, it does not mean that you haven’t faced being gay. It means that you are comfortable with how you look and you don’t need to fit stereotypes.

kritiper's avatar

No. Being too “out there” is one of the things about people that I dislike, especially gays.

rojo's avatar

I didn’t realize there was a dress code

downtide's avatar

Gay men are definitely not all feminine. Some are, some aren’t, it’s just a matter of personal preference. There certainly isn’t any particular form of dress or appearance that you must adhere to in order to “qualify”.

And relationships don;t always have defined roles (though again some choose to do so).

antimatter's avatar

Who cares about your sexual orientation? End of the day you got to live with yourself!

Misspegasister28's avatar

No, those are stereotypes. All gay men don’t act a certain way. You can be totally masculine or whatever and still be gay. And for those who ask who’s the man and who’s the woman in a gay relationship? That’s like asking which chopstick is the fork. It’s just trying to make gay couples look more like straight ones.

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