Social Question

wsxwh111's avatar

How to deal with discrimination on sexual orientation?

Asked by wsxwh111 (2464points) October 29th, 2014

As is asked.

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23 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

Be yourself. Ignore what people tell you. There is nothing wrong with your sexual orientation. You can’t change it and it doesn’t turn you into a monster. Tell yourself the people who are discriminating your sexual orientation are just narrow-minded or ignorant. And try to be a good person. Let people look at what you do in life, not your sex.

longgone's avatar

Can you tell us more? Advice would vary greatly depending on intensity, for example. It would also be helpful to know who is discrimininating. Workplace/school setting? Family?

wsxwh111's avatar

I’ve came out to my family and they are cool about it. I’m still a student. I don’t think there will be a lot of extreme discrimination from people around me but my parents told me that it is “no need to come out”, they said I should ignore any bad thing people will say about me being gay and just be the same me. I’m a little messed up. I know there’s someone who comes out, and try to be outstanding or try to be normal or even try to be “themselves”, and I think they do , though they don’t like to admit it, care about what people will say about their sexual orientation. Now my parents tell me that come out or stay in the closet, I shouldn’t care about what others say about me being gay but I found that kinda hard. I want to know how can I make that. Now I just feel like if I can even ignore that thing maybe I won’t care whatever people think of me on any of my behaviors but obviously that’s not how the thing works…

janbb's avatar

Many of us know from your other questions that you are in China which makes a difference, I would imagine. What is the tolerance level in the general society and in the workplace in China for gays? Are there discrimination laws in place? What is your own level of comfort with being considered different from the norm? The answer to these questions will help guide your behavior.

LornaLove's avatar

No one should ‘force’ themselves to come out. I consider myself bisexual. Who I share this information with it at my discretion. I never shared it at work for example. I didn’t have the energy to deal with ignorant comments and bigots. To me, I was at work and that was what I was there for. I was not there to educate people nor to titillate their imagination.

So, I guess you have come out and where to now is your question?

I can’t decide for you, but probably common sense prevails. Understand that there are bigots everywhere. You can be too white, too fat, to gay, too anything. This comes from a deep seated ignorance that probably you cannot change. Some people take the chance and do change peoples ideas of a certain thing, even being gay. Look at Ellen for example. Perhaps though, you are no Ellen. I know I wasn’t. I just always felt that my partner in life was my business. That there is private and there is open for me personally. Some things I am willing to discuss with random people, other things I am not.

You could only divulge the information where you feel comfortable or necessary. Other wise it is not important.

Perhaps when you build up your own new circle of friends, being gay, you will feel accepted by a different group and what other groups say will have less importance or hurt you less.

BeenThereSaidThat's avatar

I don’t care who with or how you have sex, just don’t try to push your sexual orientation on me! This is (in my opinion) why gays are discriminated against. Many gays insist on shoving it in our faces and forcing us to accept it as “normal”. just leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone. That’s my motto. I’m just plain sick of hearing about it all the time.

Many people feel like me but don’t have the guts to say it out loud. I just did.

BeenThereSaidThat's avatar

It seems to me that you obsess about this topic way beyond logic.

your parents don’t approve, now they do approve, you want to shout it from the mountain tops, then you feel you shouldn’t say anything, you go to college in the U.S. yet you have a problem with what people say about you in China. Personally I think you should just get the “constant gay talk” out of your head and go to school, make friends, get part time employment while in school and just live your life. You are making it sound like you are miserable being gay and I’m sure that is not what you want to get across to people.

People in the U.S. are acceptable of the gay lifestyle and people who don’t approve mostly keep their mouths shut about their true feelings so you would never know.

dxs's avatar

This isn’t a very specific question, so I’ll answer generally.
Anyone who discriminates based on sexuality is ignorant in some way. Personally, I think the idea of labeling sexuality as “gay”, “straight”, etc. is ridiculous. But unfortunately in many areas, people who don’t fit into the hetero-normative society that they live in tend to be marginalized, which is why something has to be done—this is why you really shouldn’t just ignore it, like how @BeenThereSaidThat suggests. If nobody says or does anything, nothing will change. We have a lot of thanking to do for all of the protestors and questioners who were able to make an imprint on the US society, from women’s rights to civil rights, and beyond. I say people being discriminated against should stand up for themselves.
China is changing, but it still doesn’t really support this idea (i.e. the Tienmen Square massacre). I would suggest you get out of that country first, but I can only judge the life there based on what I’ve read about and heard.

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janbb's avatar

He lives in China. He is just coming out. His mom has cancer. Give him a break.

wsxwh111's avatar

@BeenThereSaidThat That’s the difference. I admire the “leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone.”
But in China, the cultural thing is kind of “you should be the same as everybody around you. or we judge you and hate you.”
I think I just need some time to handle this thing.

canidmajor's avatar

What @janbb just said. How is it at all helpful @Adirondackwannabe and @BeenThereSaidThat to answer this person’s question like that?

CWOTUS's avatar

Some of the “advice” given here is akin to advice shouted out from the shore to a drowning person regarding how easy it is to swim, or to an extremely nervous person to “stop being so anxious”. I would imagine that if I were drowning or filled with anxiety, there wouldn’t be a lot of things that had greater import to me than continuing to breathe or to be able to relax.

So, in an effort to actually lead to a more constructive dialog…

I can understand your parents’ advice to “just be yourself and ignore what others say”, and it’s good advice as far as it goes. That advice applies to anyone, really, at any time; it is good advice if you can follow it. But that’s like the advice about how easy it is to swim, too: it is easy to swim, but plenty of people still drown every year because they just don’t get it.

Here is what I would mean – what I have meant – when I have told my own kids to “be yourself”: “focus on something outside of yourself”. That is, try to take your own attention off of your own internal monologue, your own self-doubts, your own feelings of embarrassment and concern about whether others are talking about you and what they’re saying. Again, sometimes that is easier said than done, although it’s much easier than swimming, and you won’t even get wet.

Another way that people have overcome these kinds of anxieties is by overcompensating in some other area and provoking a “wanted” reaction instead of having attention focused on something so personal that they don’t want people to notice. For example, many artists, writers, scientists and others have created works of art or invention that get people talking about the object that has been created, or the process that led to its creating, which diverts attention from the thing that they choose not to discuss. (This can be sexual orientation, family issues and abuse, loss, illness, sorrow or any part of a person’s history or psyche that they choose to overcome, ignore or process through their creative enterprise.)

In the end it always comes down to “getting out of your own head”. So the question for you is, “How can you get out of your head?” Where would you like to put your focus? (If you want to be focused outward.) Or where would you prefer that people focus on you? (If you choose instead to present a face to the crowd that may not be the real you – and that’s okay, too.) Many people choose to hide their real selves behind a public persona, and I think that should be okay as long as it doesn’t turn into a hypocritical attack on people who are just like the real you that you’re trying to hide.

LornaLove's avatar

@BeenThereSaidThat Being gay is your identity. Its not about sex. This is why people obsess about it so much. They have to waste time explaining it to people like you.

wsxwh111's avatar

@CWOTUS @LornaLove @canidmajor Thanks so much for your support^^
This girl just left me a message, telling me that ” to keep your cool – I know it’s really, really difficult sometimes, but exploding into a huge mushroom cloud of insults, expletives, and defensiveness will do nothing but further the negative stereotypes homophobes already believe. Acting positively will at least make it harder for them to feel negatively about you. If you’re a kind, gentle person towards them and give them absolutely nothing to hate about you apart from your sexuality, you’ve won.”
This isn’t the first time I’ve seen words like these, but this time it makes a little more sense. Maybe I should be a little less harsh on myself.
I think maybe my parents told me that cause they’re grown-ups and adults seem to care less what others think of them than children or youths.
So maybe it’s better for me that “Be cool and be positive, be a nice and gentle guy. then they’ll be weak” than trying hard to “not even care whether others like you or hate you because of being gay”. After a while, maybe after I get a job or sth., I can manage the latter one.
Gotta give myself some time haha.
These men’s words make me uncomfortable, but you guys are the reasons why I love here so much. Every time I feel like I’m going through sth. difficult, so many nice guys&gals give me helpful advices and cheer me up. That’s awesome. Thank you soo much, love you guys.^^
love you guys.

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dxs's avatar

I smell bigotry!
@wsxwh111 I won’t say any more on worrying, because I understand what you’re going through. But I really do hope you find people who accept you for who you are. I’m sure it’ll at least be easier here in the US. I suggest being in a city…usually cities are more tolerant.

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wsxwh111's avatar

I’m sorry but I was in bad mood that day. Was I being a j##k? sorry about that, just wanna thank all the people here.

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