How often do you visit the gravesite of a loved one?
Asked by
rojo (
24179
)
December 29th, 2014
inspired by a previous question.
My mother remembers, as a kid, visiting the grave of her father on an almost weekly basis. The family would go out to the cemetery and clean up the grave, straighten up stones, pick weeds, replace flowers, etc. usually on the Sunday after church.
She says that it was a very common practice where and when she grew up (Liverpool, 1930 – 40’s) with many, if not most families doing it. After she moved to the US she would make a point of going to the grave site every time she made it back to England.
My brother and I visit my fathers grave once or twice a year, whenever we get to town. My sister who lives nearby is out there every couple of months.
Many of the graves, even those less than ten years old, never seem to have any flowers or signs of care being afforded them other than the mowing that the cemetery does.
How often do you visit? Do you recall your own parents going more often? Does is bother you to go? Do you feel a sense of obligation; something that “has” to be done? Is it a sad occasion or do you gain a measure of peace?
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
13 Answers
Never. I do however, visit a loved one at a gravesite.
Never.
My mother was cremated and her ashes spread in the Red River Valley in N.M. my dad is buried in N.M. too. Everyone else is in cemeteries between Sacramento and Los Angeles the closet, an elderly uncle, is about 40 miles from me but I haven’t been back since the funeral in 2004. Dead is dead, nobody knows or cares if you go there or not.
Grave sites are for the sentimentality of the living.
I did enjoy making pet cemeteries over the years on my rural properties though.
I also have several pet cemeteries out there from the last few decades, nobody knows they are there. I took down all the markers when I sold/moved from those houses.
Forever concealed now the monuments to ” Ruckus” a good bad dog”, ” Groucho & Jerome The Fuzzy Brothers” and ” The great Mt. Aukum chicken massacre of 1995.” lol
Not as often as I should, maybe once a year.
Hardly ever. I don’t like cemeteries, and I don’t need them to remember loved ones.
I only recall visiting my mothers grave once when I was a teenager. I have never visited any other relative’s grave site. I’m not sure I even know where they are.
I know where my parents, grand parents and my uncle graves are located. Yet I’ll likely never go there. I don’t understand what good could come from it.
Coincidentally, I visited my mom’s resting place with a dear friend just two days ago. But since it’s in another city, I don’t do it as often as I’d like.
I’ve never visited my sister’s grave and I’ve only once visited my parents’ resting place when I was in my country of birth. I don’t feel obligated at all. My father had little interest in ‘resting places’ so he wouldn’t have expected me to visit his (he was cremated and scattered in the Garden of Remembrance). I’ve said here before, when I did visit, it was comforting, but I think that’s probably because I was so far away when he died and it was a way of saying goodbye. I don’t have any real urge to go again. I’m not sure if I would if I was over there. If I felt the need I would, but I don’t feel my father is there. That’s just the final resting place of his remains.
My stepmother regularly visited her former husband’s grave and sometimes took us with her when we were children. It was important to her for as long as she was able to visit his grave. She will be buried with him. I had no connection to him and I found it a bit odd to have to visit this person’s grave.
My adult life? Never.
There’s nothing of them there. If I need to get emotional, I can do that anywhere.
On the other hand, from when I was a kid, I see that there is a respect in visiting.
Do unto others.
Never on my own. I might accompany someone if they wanted the support. But the vessel that was them stopped with the last heartbeat. They’re not in the dirt.
i visit at least twice a year, their birthday and the day they were buried.
Answer this question 
Composing members:
0
