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AshLeigh's avatar

How do you deal with a crazy ex without hurting their feelings?

Asked by AshLeigh (16340points) February 16th, 2015

Back in November, my ex asked me to move out. Apparently he didn’t see this as breaking up, and I had to break up with him a few weeks ago. I didn’t realize he thought we were still together, but I’ve long since moved on. I’m with someone else, now.
Anyways, he called me FIVE TIMES today. I was polite as I could be, but I’m really annoyed. 5 phone calls within two hours? That’s more calls than I like to receive throughout an entire day.

I don’t really want to block him. I truly care about the kid, and don’t mind if he calls me occasionally, but today was ridiculous. What would you do?

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22 Answers

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Was it a loud and clear break-up or did you leave things hanging in mid-air? Such issues should be dealt with firmly, maturely and directly to the point without leaving space for doubts. If you have not done that, then make it clear and cut ALL ties. No occasional calls if the relationship is off!

AshLeigh's avatar

I told him we’ll never be together again.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Tell him firmly yet politely to leave you alone to get on with your life and tell him to do the same. No long explanations and arguments. He should get the message.

jca's avatar

He asked you to move out but thought that your relationship would not be affected?

Brian1946's avatar

Go White Fang on his ass, unless he actually enjoys synthetic canine gibberish. ;-p

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

@AshLeigh, if you do decide to go White Fang on his ass, omit the atmospheric music pills and dinner experience. You might need to make your white fang moves a little more like this.

As has been said, you’re going to have to be very firm and tell him not to call you anymore. It sounds as though he doesn’t cope well with rejection. I agree with @jca, it’s very odd that he thought he could ask you to move out but that your relationship would be fine. People are very strange.

AshLeigh's avatar

@jca and @Earthbound_Misfit I don’t even know. I assumed we were breaking up when I moved out, and went through the grieving process, then moved on. And then he called himself my boyfriend one day and I had to tell him that he wasn’t.

Brian1946's avatar

O reh o reh, boyoola boo bop? ;-o

Brian1946's avatar

If mindlessly contrived Canine Gibberish gets a GA, then perhaps anthropomorphized CG won’t be much of a deterrent.

livelaughlove21's avatar

How in earth did it take him two months to realize you two weren’t together anymore? We’re you spending time together, going out, having sex, etc? There’s clearly a huge communication problem here. You need to tell him exactly how you feel and ask him to stop calling you or you’ll have to block him. And then follow through.

JLeslie's avatar

You’re going to have to hurt him. Being polite and taking his calls is hurting him anyway. Eventually, you are going to have to tell him to stop calling. Tell him you aren’t going to answer his calls anymore. He probably is going to go through a very very hard time. It’s going to be impossible for you to make it better. I would say the best you can do for him is if you know a friend or family member of his who you know very well, maybe tell them you are worried about him if he gets very obsessed with you.

Hopefully, it won’t be extremely traumatic for him and once you are firm with him he moves on a few days. I have a bad feeling though.

jca's avatar

And to add to what @livelaughlove21 said, I would think that during that two month period, you would have had a conversation about your relationship (especially if you were not receptive to him sexually, I would think that would bring up the topic, unless you were receptive, in which case I can see where his confusion comes from).

ucme's avatar

What we have here, is a failure to c’municate.
Is he called Luke?
Does he have cold hands?
Is he particularly fond of hard boiled eggs…lots of em?

JLeslie's avatar

It doesn’t surprise me that there might have been a misunderstanding. Actually, I don’t think it’s a misunderstanding, I just think he was delayed in mourning the relationship.

When I broke up with a long term boyfriend I was sad, but doing ok. I had been living away at college for a year already. He had visited me there and I always saw him when I came home.

Just before I left for school in the fall my second year away we broke up. It was mutual. I was doing ok for a few weeks and then one day I called and his new girlfriend was there. I crashed emotionally. I was really really bad. Couldn’t eat, dry heaves in the morning, I would just start shaking for no reason, I sobbed in despair. I barely could function.

About 20 years later I was at a high school reunion type thing and he said something that made me realize he thought of us as broken up even during that first year I was away even though we talked a lot and always saw each other when we could. When I left for college he saw it as me leaving the relationship. I didn’t.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@AshLeigh Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until we lose it.

Haleth's avatar

You might have to hurt his feelings to get a clean break. It sounds like you have already been firm and clear with him, and that didn’t work.

You should either stop taking his calls, or answer one last time to tell him that you won’t take his calls anymore. Then block him if he won’t stop calling you.

The outcome you want, no hurt feelings on his side, is impossible. If you make a clean break, he can start healing sooner.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Back to the saddest post I’ve ever seen

Inspired_2write's avatar

Set boundaries.
Set times ( days of week etc) that he and you caould talk.
Your just weening him off of your constant presence.
It may take awhile for both to accept that your relationship has changed.
If possible be friends only and meet or talk periodically at a time suitible to both of you.

Dutchess_III's avatar

She hasn’t been a constant presence in his life for 4 months. This whole scenario is really messed up.

AshLeigh's avatar

@livelaughlove21, no. The only time I’ve gone to see him since is when I went to get the rest of my stuff, and my cat. We only talked every few weeks, and I always got off the phone pretty quickly. I have no idea why he thought we were still together.

He hasn’t called me since the day I posted about though. He’s sent a few texts, which I ignored.

jca's avatar

@AshLeigh: Does he know who you are on this site?

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