General Question

syz's avatar

Can I release the hounds on the church ladies?

Asked by syz (35649points) April 2nd, 2015

You know, having the proselytizers ring my doorbell on Saturday morning was already damned annoying. “No thank you”, “I’m not interested”, “I’m an atheist”, “I’m gay”, “My roommate works third shift and you keep waking her up”, and “Please stop coming to my door” have all failed to work. I was raised in the south, and it makes me very uncomfortable to be rude. But I sometimes have to practically shut the door in their faces to get them to go away.

But when the right is screaming about an attack on religion, is passing legislation to make discrimination legal, and is referring to those fighting for equal rights as “homofacists”, I find myself fantasizing about violence every time the doorbell rings at 9:00 am.

I am perfectly happy for you (the general “you”) to practice whatever religion that you would like. Why can’t I be left in peace to not practice? And how can I get these people to stop ringing my doorbell?

Rant over.

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26 Answers

chyna's avatar

You could put up a sign by your doorbell that says “No soliciting”. Then when church lady rings your bell you open the door, point to the sign and close the door.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Put a sign on the door.

Zaku's avatar

A sign that says “Christians will be fed to the lions…”.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I feel the OP’s pain. I fantasize about bursting out the door on my mighty steed, saber held high, turning to my troops, “FIRE WHEN READY!” Watch ‘em run.

@chyna Yeah, then have her arrested for Soliciting.—in Church Lady hat and all.

dxs's avatar

Do you have a yard surrounding your house and is there a fence? If so, you can put a sign saying “Beware of Dog.” Hopefully that will shy them away.

ragingloli's avatar

Call the cops and report a trespassing. Tell them the trespassers look “foreign”.
That should solve the problem, permanently.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

My dogs bark at strangers. works as a deterrent to religious peddlers.

Brian1946's avatar

I don’t know what your budget is, but perhaps you could get a programmable or “smart” doorbell, so that you could mute it when you went to bed.

In addition to that, you could install a heavy-duty screen door. I have one. When it’s closed, pests can’t bang on my wooden door; all they can do is make barely audible thumps on the metal framing of the outer one.

I wonder if the purveyors of the American Inquisition won’t some day try to claim that not answering the door when they call, is a “denial of their religulous freedumbs”. ;-)

I know this isn’t your style, but you could dispatch them with a baseball bat. If they go whining to the police, you could claim that you were “standing your ground.” ;-)

Dutchess_III's avatar

OH! OH! Get a doorbell that shocks them!!

dxs's avatar

Put a demonic figure on your door. Add sound and movement to it.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

^^ ... or a simple mezuzah. But the idiots probably wouldn’t know what it was. They’d probably think it was some kind of fancy barber pole.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

That’s what I do. . . . I have two dogs the boy weight 107 pounds and his sister weights about 93 pounds ( they are Black Lab and German Shepard crosses.) They behave real good and will stay at the other end of the hallway barking.
I had some leaflets dropped on the steps as they run back to the car. But the number of visits has dropped.

tinyfaery's avatar

Yell at them just one time. That’s all you need. Tell them to fuck off and if they come back you’re going to call the cops on them for trespassing. A menacing looking dog near by would help, of course.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Perhaps your sign could read: “Proselytizers will be sacrificed to Beelzebub.”

ragingloli's avatar

A big pentagram with a devil face on the doorstep?

reijinni's avatar

Answer the door naked.

janbb's avatar

A friend had a sign on her door, “No Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

ibstubro's avatar

Is there more than one entrance?
You could request that friends, family and deliveries be made to the secondary entrance. Disconnect the front doorbell?

kritiper's avatar

Put 2 (or 3) signs up on your door. “No soliciting.” and “No religious soliciting. If you think this doesn’t mean you, then take note: IT MEANS YOU!” (Sign 3: “Girl Scouts selling cookies are ALWAYS welcome!”)
I met a guy years ago who would meet them at the door with a beer in his hand. “Come on in! Have a beer!” “Oh, we don’t drink!” “You don’t drink beer??? Then you can’t stay!” Of course, it gets old always answering the door this way. A nice little sign works miracles!

Pandora's avatar

Ever since I put up a no soliciting sign on my door, I have pretty much ended the ringing of my door bell from most people.

Every once in a while I will get an idiot sales person but I will stand on the other side of my glass door and point out the sign to them and say good bye. I don’t feel bad about it because they clearly can read but chose to ignore my sign. So they get a slammed door in their face. But what use to be a weekly situation has dwindled down to maybe 3 times last year.

Most will only leave flyers now on my stair railing. I’m ok with that. Just don’t ring my door bell unless my house is on fire or my car or my neighbors home close to mine.

jca's avatar

Put a sign on the door that states “I like Satan.”

stanleybmanly's avatar

There’s a Jehovah’s witness hall a block and a half from our place, and we pay a heavy price for the privileges of religious freedom. Apparently different communities of the faithful use the place, and they invariably leave the hall invigorated and start working the doorbells in the neighborhood. It’s a nuisance and puts murderous thoughts in the head of the missus, but I have mixed feelings about them. On the one hand there’s the insufferable pest factor, but when you think about it, how is it possible to to commit yourself to a lifetime of doors slamming in your face? Anyway, I have a great story about the 2 little Philippine women who tongue wrestled me to the ground last Halloween.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I could put up a sign that says, “The only people who use the front door are cops and Jehova’s Witnesses. Cops are welcome.” Really, cause friends and family come in the back door.

ragingloli's avatar

“friends and family come in the back door.”
naughty, naughty

Uasal's avatar

I waste their time.

Stand with them, outside, and discuss their home with them. Tear apart every scripture they give, make them look up other ones, put them on the defensive. Then when they say (inevitably) “I didn’t come here to argue with you”, I respond, “Sorry, who knocked on whose door?”

I’m half a mile from the JW hall and they haven’t bothered me in two years.

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