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Inconito101's avatar

Please advise your thoughts on this, need help?

Asked by Inconito101 (404points) April 11th, 2015 from iPhone

Good night all,

I got a rush of annoyance and I wanted to have your opinion on this. I know this might sound childish but I still wanted to express my feelings in chance someone could help me see things differently and raise consciousness. You guys might all be aware of the situation between me and my cousin and i need to empty my bag as i do not wish to manifest this darkness outside. Anyways here’s the story, About a year ago I had mentioned to my cousin that i wanted to dye my hair ombre blond, I didn’t even get the chance to go on with the process and she had already did hers that way. I was in shock because as mentioned earlier, she is way beautiful than I am and I just didn’t want to do it because everyone keeps comparing us and saying that shes ways beautiful than me so I knew they would of said the hair suits her better. Now a few weeks ago I had shown her the colour I wanted to put in my hair and now today she did her hair the exact same! I was in shock because the first time it happened, I thought she did it on purpose, but I stopped myself and said calm down maybe not and now this? And now I will definitely not do it. But I feel like she just doesn’t care because this morning, I posted a video on snapchat(an app where you post videos of less than 10sec of you live) and people can see it for 24 hours, and snapchat tells you who views it. I saw that she saw it and when we where texting at some point I asked what are you doing and she said my hair I’m doing black ombre white/silver and she followed by asking if I did my hair. But she clearly saw in my snapchat that I didn’t so is she fooling me? Thank you to anyone taking the time to answer this, it is very appreciated and be straight and honest. I’m trying to overcome these ill feelings but somehow they keep me down. Love to all.

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13 Answers

Dutchess_III's avatar

Don’t tell her what your plans for your hair are from now on!

talljasperman's avatar

What is your question? Edit women dye their hair all the time. It isn’t permanent.

Dutchess_III's avatar

If I’m reading right, she has a cousin who she feels is more beautiful than she is. Every time she tells her cousin what she plans to do with her hair, her cousin will upstage her and do it before she can. Hence, don’t tell your cousin what you’re doing with your hair before you do it!

David_Achilles's avatar

Just stop trying to compete with her. It’s obvious that it’s making you miserable. It doesn’t matter who is prettier. Be yourself and love yourself as you are. End of story.

Inconito101's avatar

@Dutchess_III yes I figure xD but I wish I didn’t feel that way…

Inconito101's avatar

@talljasperman I’m asking for thoughts on this whole situation not only the fact of the hair dying, it something bigger mentioned in previous questions. But sorry for losing your time in not writing the question you wanted to see in order to skip. My apology

Inconito101's avatar

@David_Achilles The thing is Im not trying to compete with her, not at all I know she’s winning. I just hope that I would be able to get over all of this and be able to chill with her without feeling so bad about myself. It’s really hard when a guy fake interest in you for about a year and a half until I really liked/loved him and just to end up dropping a ball on me in telling me under 2 lines that he’s really feeling my cousin ( even lusting as i see it) and on top of this everyone in the streets when we are going out and all always feel the need to say thats she way better looking than me. And I’m not questionning that fact at all She’s beyond gorgeous, like magic, I know. But why can’t they just compliment her and exclude me. And I notice that I’m slowly ‘overcoming’ this but it still hurts today…

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Inconito101 If you want to confirm this what is going on, find a really hideous color, that’s long lasting, and tell her you’re going with it and see what happens. Maybe she thinks you have really good taste.

marinelife's avatar

Based on what you are saying, your cousin does not have your best interests at heart. I would suggest not telling her what you are going to so before you do it. I would also suggest no longer posting your plans on social media.

A little distance from your cousin might be a very healthy thing for you.

David_Achilles's avatar

@Inconito101 I see. It really does sound like you’re not trying to compete. It sounds like, ironically, she is trying to compete with you. She seems like a person who isn’t content with just some or even most of the attention, she wants to grab it ALL! You may be dealing with a narcissist.

Who knows why she’s that way. She may feel like she has little to offer other than her beauty, or she may just have a bottomless need for attention due to other insecurities.

It’s really rude that people keep feeling the need to compare you to her. I would call them out when they do it. Tell them right then and there that they are being very rude. Try not to do it in an angry way. Just say “do you realize how rude that was? what you just said to me?” Embarrass them so they realize they’re acting like an asshole and the problem is with them, not with you.

I know a similar case of competitive cousins. A girl I used to work with was very well endowed, and also very pretty. She lived with her cousins because she was from another country and their family was giving her a place to live until she was able to be self supporting. Her uncle had just won the lottery so her cousin’s family had money while she did not have as much. Her cousin decided to get a breast augmentation. You would not believe how angry that made her! I really think she was mad because her cousin was trying to be as pretty as she was.

I think marinelife is probably right about getting a little distance being a healthy thing for you.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe had a great idea! It’s Uncle Remus’ briar patch!

Inconito101's avatar

loll yea eh ! XD @Adirondackwannabe

@marinelife you are right I stated taking some, It sad because she was my only best friend/cousin and this has to be on the way. I feel like I’m always doing 100 and she given me 60

@David_Achilles you think ? If you don’t mind I will describe both of us and let me know your thoughts. It kinda like the ying yang. She is beyond beautiful, sharing, if I do a comparison with last year, when I invited her to get together or we were with friends, before I never understood why but when everyone would say hi to each other, she would stay there quietly and not say hi to anyone. After a her of making remarks and asking why she wouldn’t say hi because everyone including myself found that very weird as well as disrespectful (I a way because when there’s parents you should say hi and she just didn’t) and its only now that she started saying hi and all. She said it was because she didn’t want to seem like she was forcing anything (so that people would not respond her so in order to avoid them not answering when she says hello, she just didn’t.) Also at first we all analyze her as shy but then I notice that when it came to asking a cigarette she was able to ask people : “Excuse me do you have an extra cigs” Then when I made her my observation she said, I guess you’re right maybe I’m not really interested and I also want to avoid ‘asshole’ people. A lot of people think she doesn’t really think and is very slow but sometimes I think yes maybe and sometimes I think does she really not understand ? Anyway one thing that she did that made me ask if she was self centered was I was wearing a lip stick one day and decided to take it off and she almost didn’t wait until it was off to take it from my hands and put it on… And 5 years ago my little sister was in love with this guy and he was at our house and my cousin came and I guess there was a spark and they started taking and went out together for 4 years but he was and still is a complete asshole so her was not faithful and ‘drop her near the end (almost a year ago) and she really wanted to keep the relationship going but she was seeing how much not honest unfaithful and the asshole he was and didn’t really make an effort so she finally stopped. But even now that he still have a little spot in her heart, she want to apologize to my sister because she says I was selfish I didn’t realize back then but I don’t want things weird with her no more. But since the incident with the hair happens I almost feel like telling her never mind in apologizing to my sister because it almost seen like she does want she wants and its only if she sees a reaction that she want to say are we good or I fuck up _ , like she went out with the guy 4 years and there are not together today because HE does not want to.

And on my side I I’m funny, intelligent, work, drive and is very considerate. The thing where you says she wants attention I’m not sure because when we are out in public or social places she gets very anxious. She gets anxious because everyone’s looks at her and say shes very beautiful than other turn to see and confirms and when i asked her why she gets anxious she said it’s because everyone looks at me, and recently she said it almost like they want a piece of me.

Me on the other hand, I get super anxious because I hate when people look at me, and the they start comparing.. :( and then I remember the situation with the guy who broke my heart.

She had asked me tricks on how to handle her anxiety and I have told her to look at it this way, shes anxious because people thinks she beautiful and that’s a compliments, I told her I get anxious because they diss me for your beauty and I don’t like myself. She said it true its a compliment. But i recently stopped talking about the way I feel about myself because she the type to listen and just say aww and not really give advice :/ maybe it’s because this kinda struggle(being ugly) doesn’t touch her.

Anyways sorry for the novel hope you get it and thank you for your time everyone!!

Inconito101's avatar

** scratch out the i work and drive bacause that is irrevelant!

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