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anniereborn's avatar

Do you ever talk about your exes to your current S.O. ?

Asked by anniereborn (13872points) June 3rd, 2015

I can understand to a certain degree while people frown on this. However for me, my exes are a huge part of my life history. To not ever talk about them would be like cutting out many years of my life.
My ex husband and I were together for a total of 12 years. Basically our entire young adulthood. My ex partner of 4 years was also during a very important part of my life.
I am fortunate in that my current husband is fine with me talking about them. I don’t so much talk about them in regards to themselves but more about things we had together.
Like I will talk about the house I lived in with my ex. Or a concert I went to. Both relationships were left on good terms and there was no abuse.
Do you have problems with your S.O. talking about their exes? If so, why?

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13 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

Not every current spouse or SO will be as understanding.

But we all have a past, and being with someone today doesn’t cause instant amnesia about previous people, lovers, situations, etc. I don’t dwell on the past – I wouldn’t ever rub the past in someone’s face.

I am what I am because of my past (good or bad). The past is a fact. NOT mentioning the past SO or spouse is hiding reality.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I don’t discuss the exes, nor does she because it’s past history. I’ll discuss events, like concerts, parties etc. My s/o knows of some of my exes, because my mother has a big mouth, but she didn’t learn of them from me. Of course she knows I have a past. Who doesn’t?

jca's avatar

I don’t currently have a S.O. but when I do, I try not to discuss previous romantic relationships with them, if possible.

marinelife's avatar

Occasionally, I may mention one, but it is not a big part of our conversations. We are focused on our past together, our present and our future.

Aster's avatar

At first, I spoke of him almost non-stop for a long time. Now, after decades, my s/o seems simply bored hearing about him.

Coloma's avatar

No SO here, divorced for 12 years and rarely do I talk about my ex, he is ancient history.
On occasion my daughter will share some gossipy tidbit about her dad and we have a good laugh, even more rarely I’ll share something I learned in my marriage with a friend whose having relationship issues, but honestly, I am so completely uninterested in relationship these days, I have very little tolerance for relationship drama of any kind.

Dutchess_III's avatar

In the beginning he talked quite a bit about his ex, but if I brought mine up all hell would break loose. I finally decided I didn’t care, and if I had a story to tell, that involved my ex, I’m gonna tell it. I don’t care how he reacts.

I also get to deal with his ex on a pretty regular basis, kid’s birthdays and stuff. We get along. She’s OK. Not very smart, but nice.

flutherother's avatar

It isn’t a topic of conversation though we have mentioned our exes many times in passing. I was with my ex 24 years and my partner about the same. We just don’t talk about this and perhaps never will. We are similar and we understand each other’s hurt.

janbb's avatar

Well, I was married for a long time so we had some conversations early on about previous partners but nothing extensive. If I were in a relationship, it would certainly be hard not to say something at times about the man I was with for forty years. It think it’s what you say and the way you say it that matters not that you are talking about them. Surely adults realize that it would probably be unhealthy if you didn’t have any exes?

ibstubro's avatar

If it’s come up, I’ve mentioned it in conversation.
Yeah, my S.O. has heard about my exes in context. Unabashedly. It’s part of who I am?

anniereborn's avatar

I’m still friends with the “4 year relationship-ex”. We basically only message over Facebook, but it’s on a regular basis. My husband knows all about it and is fine with it. My ex husband I have not been in contact with in many years.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

We talk about our exes. Not often. They’re not a regular topic of conversation. However, on occasions we may be talking about something that happened in our past, or feelings we had in that relationship or something that is happening to our now exes at this time. They’re part of our lives even if we’re not in contact now. I can’t excise my ex from my life and my husband can’t excise his. We’re not in love with those people now, but I think we both care what happens to them. My ex is the father of my children. I’m not happy with how he’s behaved since we separated but I’d wish him no harm and sometimes, he is the topic of conversation in our house.

fluthernutter's avatar

I don’t avoid it. But it honestly doesn’t come up that much.

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