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Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

How would you be judged or perceived if people based their opinion of you on your children's behavior and performance?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26783points) June 10th, 2015

Not much more to add to that other than If people defined you off the actions of your kids, similar to judging God by the behavior of some of the saints, how would you be judged? Think you would fare better because your kids say they were only doing what you told or authorized them to do? Can you answer this honestly? Would you be judged flawless?

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43 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

I would be judged an arsehole, and downright criminal.
Justifiably so, because the instructions to my kids exist in writing, for everyone to see.
“Hey son, take this knife, and slit little johnny’s throat with it. He deserves it. And do the same to his family, too. And their pets. Then burn down their house.”

SQUEEKY2's avatar

The wife and I would be judged 100% wonderful, because we have no kids to be judged by.

Mimishu1995's avatar

My performance would give people the false impression that my parents are extremely open-minded and enccentic, and is having a hard time with the society.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

It’s happened and I was fine. My ex-husband gave his girlfriend a big tale about what a witch I was. She had spent some time with my kids over the months they’d been together. Something happened and she had reason to contact me to ask my advice about a couple of things. After we met, she told me I was nothing like she’d been led to believe. And she said she’d always been a bit dubious about what she’d been told because she couldn’t understand how I could be as horrible as he made out when my kids were so lovely and were obviously so close to me. She knew I had been responsible for the majority of their primary care.

cookieman's avatar

I’d be pretty okay as my daughter is all kinds of wonderful. But then, I could be a little biased.

whitenoise's avatar

I raise my kids a lot better than (your?) God did.

Not only do I actively guide them and provide them with insight in moral and immoral behavior as well as being nice vs unpleasant.

I actively try to raise thinking, creative, responsible, loving, caring and successful individuals. And I have never told them it’s okay to kill or hurt anyone, merely because they are different or not honor me properly.

So one cannot judge me by my children as people judge God by his saints. But if one would try… I’m not afraid of the result.

janbb's avatar

Pretty fucking good!

Darth_Algar's avatar

Well I don’t have any children, but if I did I’d like to think that I wouldn’t be enough of an asshole to order my son to kill his son just to see if he’ll do it.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@whitenoise I raise my kids a lot better than (your?) God did.
That goes without saying; God doesn’t raise anyone’s children, which is why He gave them to their parents, so they can do it.

So one cannot judge me by my children as people judge God by his saints. But if one would try… I’m not afraid of the result.
Very curious to say the least.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, I was getting out of my car once, having gone to visit my son, and this older man was walking by. He said, “Is Chris your son?”
I said, “Yes.”
He said,“He is the most exceptional young man I think I have ever known. You did a very good job.”
I was just beaming!

dxs's avatar

They’d have no judgments of me. How wonderful it would be!

Dutchess_III's avatar

This is a bit off topic, but the twins were HORRIBLE today! I’ve never seen them act like that. If I didn’t know my daughter is actually an incredible mother I don’t think my pinon of her would be very good! Little shits.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Dutchess_III This is a bit off topic, but the twins were HORRIBLE today! I’ve never seen them act like that.
On topic to me; everyone is saying how perfect their kids are, I can bet my donuts to anyone’s dollars if there was a way to follow them for 24 straight months observing their behavior, there will be times their kids would not be the model citizens they say, and if someone seen them in those moments and determined the parenting or parents off that, it would not be ”all good”.

janbb's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Since one of my kids works for Google in Paris and has two kids of his own and the other is a manager at Pandora have fun trying to follow them for 24 months. And I’m not saying they are or always were perfect. As usual, your question is a set up and you only want the answers you want.

Blondesjon's avatar

Like a boss.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central, I haven’t seen anyone say their children are perfect. They’ve said their kids are wonderful people, but I for one wouldn’t want my children to be perfect. They’re normal human beings. They make mistakes and they stuff up. However what they also do is own their mistakes and try to do better. They care about other people and they’re considerate of the world around them. They’re doing the best they can to be the best they can be. But they’re not perfect and if they were trying to be perfect, I would have failed as a parent.

bossob's avatar

Several weeks ago, my 31 year old son got married for the first time. As we were leaving the reception, a man came hustling up to us in the parking lot and introduced himself. He was the boss of my son’s boss, at his first part time job when he was in high school. He wanted to thank us for instilling in our son a sense of responsibility and a strong work ethic. He said he wished that all his employees were like him.

We’ve always been proud of our son, and we’re aware of some of our shortcomings as parents, but it was nice to hear from another person that there were a few important things that we got right.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@janbb As usual, your question is a set up and you only want the answers you want.
Nooooo…..that seems to be other people here, I am just looking for the truth. If you say you would not be judged by your kids, that is one thing. If you say you would not be judge by your kids because they are in essence always of good behavior no matter who sees them, which is another. I am always suspecting, like when someone tell me they are an excellent driver, or they are the best cook in the neighborhood, work, family, etc.

You tell me, everyone who cross paths with your children always seen ”better than those kids” behavior, and if they see less, they would not ever think ”I wish I knew who that kid’s parents were”, or something close to it? Should anyone do that, why get upset?

@Earthbound_Misfit However what they also do is own their mistakes and try to do better.
Would you want to be defined by their mistakes, though? I understand every single person less one, blew it after they got here. I would not expect anyone to have perfect kids because it is impossible, imperfect parents cannot raise perfect kids. Parents are imperfect because no one can be or has, that goes for single people who never had kids.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I don’t have any influence over how other people define me and definitely not in relation to my parenting. If my children have a bad or good attitude or behave well or badly, it is quite likely that some people are going to consider the way they were parented has had a positive or negative effect. I’m lucky that my children are lovely people so anyone who considers that to be in some way related to how they were parented will see my parenting in a good light.

While I believe people will hold me at least partially responsible for how my children have turned out, I don’t believe parenting is always responsible for our offspring’s behaviour/attitudes. There are plenty of people who have grown up with wonderful parents but have gone off-the-rails and there are people who have experienced terrible parenting but have become wonderful people and model citizens. Nonetheless, there are people who will judge the parents in some way responsible anyway.

jca's avatar

My daughter is elementary school age and she behaves pretty nicely. She’s not perfect of course, but teachers, camp counselors, school staff and friends all say she she is very well behaved and a sweet child (shares with others, considerate, etc.). Hopefully she stays sweet but from what I understand, the teen years can be a hell of a ride with girls, so we’ll see. Hopefully she remains a good student and does well which is what most parents probably wish for their children.

I have one friend who was born to older, Jewish parents, very doting, providing for her every need and whim, beautiful home, very supportive of her academically, etc. She ended up dating and marrying a heroin addict, who died, then she was on to living with a criminal (who is now in prison), all proof that you can have a lovely upbringing and it’s still a crapshoot as to how you turn out.

canidmajor's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central: this is a trick question, whether you know it or not. My mother is an emotionally abusive narcissist who raised her children to reflect well on herself (literally). My childhood was based on this question of yours, how others would judge her based on the behavior of myself and my sibs.
Children of parents who are abusive (emotionally and/or physically) or have some other pathology, such as alcoholism or substance addiction, learn at a very early age to “read” the minutiae of behavioral cues (whether facial expression, body language, vocal tones) in order to avoid anything that might set off the parent.
Unless you know the family very well, it’s almost impossible to tell the difference between a confident child from from a loving supportive home and an emotionally broken one from an abusive home.

I think my kids are fabulous, compassionate, funny, loving, bright, wonderful people. People try to give me credit, but they are who they are.

I prefer to be evaluated on my own merits/behavior, and to have my children be evaluated on theirs.

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cheebdragon's avatar

I’m sure that people would incorrectly think the best of me.
In reality, my son is actually so well behaved because of his inherent need to defy my authority….I’m a bad influence so his rebellion sets him on a good path.

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cheebdragon's avatar

You know who is not judgmental?.....the devil, he seems like a real go-with-the-flow kind of guy.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@canidmajor […this is a trick question, whether you know it or not. My mother is an emotionally abusive narcissist who raised her children to reflect well on herself (literally). My childhood was based on this question of yours, how others would judge her based on the behavior of myself and my sibs
It is a question of perspective. If you are not like your mother, say better in many ways, then she would not be seen as the emotionally abusive narcissist you seen. How many times have you seen rude behavior of kids or teens and wondered what they were being taught at home? We have all done it, even once. When we see well-behaved kids we think the parent has to be near saints. If someone caught the child in a moment of behavior greatness we don’t think that the child was just faking it because they came from a family of douche bags starting with their parents.

Unless you know the family very well, it’s almost impossible to tell the difference between a confident child from from a loving supportive home and an emotionally broken one from an abusive home.
Correct, but no one of them parents want to be judge off their children, especially if in the negative. And it shows the error of trying to judge a parent by the kids. The same method is false trying to judge Him by His saints.

@cheebdragon You know who is not judgmental?.....the devil, he seems like a real go-with-the-flow kind of guy.
Why would he have to worry? If his flow is in line with the flow of people whose flow is not that of the Lord, he has to do nothing and win by default. Dogs do not bark at parked cars.

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ragingloli's avatar

and pretends that this:
15:2 Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt.
15:3 Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass”

does not mean anything / is justified / “taken out of context”

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