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Khajuria9's avatar

Is leaving the parents permanently and never looking back a perfect way to get over the wrong behavior they imposed on you when you were a kid?

Asked by Khajuria9 (2141points) July 18th, 2015

If parents are only discouraging you all day, would you still like to continue with them? Isn’t it better to leave them for good when you already know that having stayed with them for a total of 24 years has only caused you dissatisfaction and emotional turmoil?
They might care for you but they steal your freedom in every single respect, would you still be fine with this?

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19 Answers

cazzie's avatar

Wing clipping is not allowed. Ignore for a while and live your life if they make you feel bad and deflate your self worth. Actively seek out groups that help with negative self talk because even if you aren’t around them you will hear their voices in your head until you shake them. Then when you have to deal with them again it will be easier to take their negative nature’s. Like water off a ducks back.

Khajuria9's avatar

Which groups?

marinelife's avatar

If I was 24, I would leave. Perhaps you can contact them again in a few years when you have established yourself. But don’t think about that. Get yourself safe and away.

Khajuria9's avatar

Contact! It would be safer not contacting them ever, such negative people my parents are!!!

cazzie's avatar

@Khajuria9 there are groups that study tai chi or yoga or work with self improvement. I have a few friends who help people online. Your father sounds like his attitude comes from the 19th century.

Khajuria9's avatar

can you suggest me some of such websites? self-help ones?

janbb's avatar

Sometimes you need to get away for a time and then can reconnect; sometimes the parents are so toxic, you need to stay away permanently. You won’t know that until you become your own person. You are 24, what is keeping you back from leaving?

Pachy's avatar

No matter how far away you move—Pluto, even—the wrongs and rights of the parenting you had will always be with you. But @janbb is right—distance and time may help you find perspective.

Khajuria9's avatar

Whats keeping me back is that they wont allow me to go get a job away from home.

cazzie's avatar

@Khajuria9 Where do you live? Why do you think they have this power over you as an adult. They don’t. There is no ‘My parents won’t allow me to’ after you turn 18. You are an adult. You need a paradigm shift in thinking.

janbb's avatar

Find someone else to live with, a friend or relative. Move out and then get a job.

Khajuria9's avatar

Yes but being an Indian sucks u see…..!!!!

janbb's avatar

Many women have been in repressive cultures and fought their way out. If you want to get out, you have to start figuring it out – or live in submission. Only you can choose.

Khajuria9's avatar

have to figure out how!

Judi's avatar

My mom was not nearly like you describe, but I can say, that moving away from my family was a really good thing for me.
As I was growing up, they defined me. I was the sloppy one, the obnoxious one, the rude one…. I believed a lot of those labels and they limited me. They didn’t do this purposely or spitefully, but regardless of their intentions, I assumrd those labels and believed them about myself.
When I moved away, I began to define myself. It took years, but I was able to see that what they called “sloppy” was really a side effect of my creativity. What they called obnoxious and rude was my fierce determination to face life with honesty and sincerity. The things about my personality that I had been taught to see as faults were really strengths. They may have been misdirected at times but that was because I had never been taught how to use them appropriately. I stayed away, calling occasionally and visiting rarely until I was secure in myself and sure I wouldn’t fall into old self image patterns.
24 is plenty old enough to get out of the nest and discover yourself. It may not be easy, but the rewards will be worth it.

bossob's avatar

Does moving out have future financial implications?

Are there cultural considerations that we’re not aware of?

I was one who left home at 18 and has never regretted it. Visiting once a year, and occasional phone calls have worked for me.

Coloma's avatar

It may be that divorcing your parents will be the healthiest thing you can do IF, you have made every attempt first to communicate your feelings to them and give them a chance to make changes that would benefit all of you. If this is not possible then, regardless orf what you choose to do you still have to find forgiveness and understand that they are behaving from their own programming and belief systems and that really, it is not personal, meaning they would behave this way with anyone. Do you have siblings, what is their relationship with your parents?

ibstubro's avatar

Hey, @Khajuria9!
Have you finished your studies, and do you have a degree that will allow you to find a decent paying job? If so, you might start applying covertly, to see if you’re going to be able to support yourself.
If it appears you can get a decent paying job but need a bridge loan, you might apply to an organization such as Kiva. I have an account there and would be willing to contribute to your gaining independence.

Are there any support groups for women in your area? Check this list, or do your own search. Might be helpful for you to search in a more immediate area.

By chance are there any ‘rogue females’ in your family that might understand your situation and help you out? That would be ideal, especially if they are in another city or part of the country.

Don’t give up, and don’t give in to despair. Start making a plan and add to it, a tiny bit at a time to keep your spirit alive. I broke with my parents when I was around your age, and all the contact that I’v ehad with them since has just reinforced how correct that decision was.

We’re here for you as much as we can be. I hope it helps a little to just vent.

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