How do I avoid what I consider a sticky situation ?

Just say politely that the present period is CERTAINLY NOT the convenient time for such a visit. No need to explain since I am sure he is able to see for himself why. Tell him you would be happy to exchange a few supportive words over the phone or through email but that’s it.

Keep a cool stance as he seems to be fishing for something more and you are clearly not in a position to get into something more at the monent. You are right in the midst of a heavy storm
and you have to come out of it. Be careful, it could backfire.

“I’m sorry, but between running back and forth to the hospital and family, this is not a good time for you to visit.”
And leave it at that.

Dear John,
Thank you for your concern These are indeed stressful times for all of us At this point I must focus on on SO and my own needs as well as those of my immediate family. I cannot nor do I intend to offer solace to anyone else. I am sorry but I am just not that strong. Between hospital visits and (fill in the blank) my days are filled. I simply do not have the time or strength to visit with you now.
I know you mean well but please do not show up unannounced. At this point I would not appreciate any other visitors at my home. My priorities must remain with SO and myself.
Thank you for your concern.
Aster

Send it soon – before he fills his car up.

It sounds as if your husband is in no condition for visitors, outside of family members, for at least a week. It also seems pretty obvious that should you need to reach out for a shoulder to cry on, this guy isn’t the right person.

How about thanking him for reaching out to you instead of just showing up. Let him know that now is not a good time and that you will contact him (if you can commit to that) once the SO has the surgery and is willing to see visitors. If he says that he just wants to see you, just reiterate that it isn’t a good time.

My heart goes out to you @Aster. It’s a stressful time for both you and the SO. Your job right now is to be an advocate for your husband, to hope for the best and to plan for the worst. Unless someone else has been in a similar situation, they have no clue the amount of time, energy and emotion goes into it. I speak from experience.

@LuckyGuy great advice. Sorry for laughing but I chuckled with ” before he fills his car up.”

@ZEPHYRA He should be dissuaded as soon as possible so he spends little time planning the adventure and letting his mind roam. It is too easy to avoid the situation and ignore his email comments but that is dangerous. He might interpret “no answer” as “implied consent”.
@Aster needs to nail that door shut quickly before he gets his hopes up. A rapid and decisive response is needed.

@LuckyGuy ”@Aster needs to nail that door shut quickly before he gets his hopes up. A rapid and decisive response is needed.” I could not agree more, LG.

I like @LuckyGuy‘s response. Polite but direct and clear. His suggestion of a hug may just be his way of saying he wants to be there to help you and support you at this difficult time and perhaps he is struggling with his friend’s illness too.

There is a whole group of people that think it’s totally appropriate to put themselves in an opportune position to take over when a person dies. Usually the grieving person doesn’t even realize when it’s happening. I watched my sister in law do it before she married her last husband. I have a feeling that’s what this guy is doing.
Tell him you are really to busy.
Ugh. You don’t need this stress along with everything else you’re dealing with.

@Aster: I agree with others who say email him asap and say you are not up to company, you cannot host any company now, please don’t come unannounced because you absolutely cannot handle any more stress right now and are not able to entertain or spend any time with anybody else other than your hospital duty. I appreciate your concern and if anything changes in hubby’s medical condition, someone will contact you and keep you apprised.

He just face booked me and simply asked how I’m doing. So he dropped the subject.