General Question

megalongcat's avatar

Why Cheat?

Asked by megalongcat (598points) July 28th, 2008

If it’s just as easy for you to break up with a person and hook up with someone new, why bother cheating and bringing in a whole new level of drama into your life?

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27 Answers

AstroChuck's avatar

I don’t, and never have. Can’t say the same for my ex though.

chornak's avatar

Some people don’t have respect for others.

osullivanbr's avatar

Comes down to having your cake and eating it too I guess.

chaosrob's avatar

I think it’s driven by fear. You want to maintain the safety of the old relationship, but you’re not satisfied with it in some way, so you start looking outside for whatever is missing. You’re afraid of losing the safety, but you also want the thrills.

You’re right, though. Either find a way to get what’s missing back into your relationship, or call it quits with as little destruction as possible (which, depending on your situation, might be impossible).

augustlan's avatar

I never have been able to wrap my head around this one, but, I think chaosrob is right on the money. For myself, if I wanted to be with another person so badly that I was willing to risk everything, I’d get a divorce and go be with them.

nikipedia's avatar


Momentary lapse in judgment.

wildflower's avatar

For myself and just about every situation I would agree, there is no justification for promising fidelity if you’re not sticking to it. If you want to be with someone – or anyone – other than your partner, you’re not with the right partner.

Having said that, I have known of a couple of situations where I was inclined to understand where they were coming from. Those situations were people in long term committed relationships where there was still love and partnership, but no sex, so they went elsewhere for that.

Kadaj's avatar

Would you get rid of your old car knowing that your loan for a new car might not get approved, and the realizing that you will have to rely on public transportation for making a dumb ass decision? Same thing people that cheat normally don’t want to be left with nothing specially if that old car is still being good to them. The word is appreciation, if you really appreciate what you have you will be the happiest person in this world even if your car is not the latest model

flameboi's avatar

Poor judgement, the need of a plan b (just in case) because we love to have more and more of something we already own (in this case, someone’s affection)...

marinelife's avatar

@wildflower Did the people who went elsewhere for sex tell the partner that was what they wanted or needed to do? Did they give the partner a chance to say that is not OK so I give you your freedom? If not, it is not understandable in my code.

wildflower's avatar

@Marina: no and that’s why I’m inclined to understand their reason, but don’t think it’s acceptable or right.

srtlhill's avatar

why cheat? Why be honest. It’s all about respect, character and caring about who your with. We all have the ability to do what’s right. Keep it in your pants and don’t take advantage of your partners trust. Communicate what you need to your partner, don’t just go around taking chances with your relationship. Don’t cheat

loser's avatar

Some people seem to want/need the extra drama in their lives. I don’t get it, personally…

AstroChuck's avatar

Because the human race’s population has depended on men “spreading their seed” thus adding a more diverse gene pool. In short, we men are pigs because nature has dictated it that way. That’s why men are the most likely to cheat on their wives. I’m not trying to make excuses for my gender. People should try to avoid situations where there is temptation. We live in a civilized society and there is such a thing as will power. But many are slaves to their libido and ultimately regret what they do for a brief moment of sexual gratification.
I’m sure there have been many studies done on this but I would guess that most men who cheat do so because the opportunity presents itself and is purely physical. I would bet that the majority of women who cheat do so because of emotions and not because they were looking for it.

jballou's avatar

Those who cheat often tell themselves (like many people with selfish/hurtful behavior tendencies) it’ll only be this once. It’ll never happen again. So by that logic, telling your other about it would only hurt them. So in reality, in the cheater’s mind, not telling is it the best thing they can do, since what they did doesn’t really matter and doesn’t mean anything to them. Someone who is capable of cheating usually don’t think it means they don’t love who they are with.

Don’t bother trying to figure out cheaters, they have the ability to endlessly justify everything they do.

Lee_27's avatar

I think people cheat because they are cowards, they are not wanting to communicate there needs to there partner so instead they cheat as a way out of a relationship.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

because opportunity knocks for all the wrong reasons.

Cheaters suck.

against_me's avatar

When you have a significant other and you know they love you…its nice to know that there is someone else who wants you too…that desires you and wants to spend time with you and lusts you. Finding that little exictment is worth it for the time until the guilt sets in and you realize what a mistake it probably was.

baseballnut's avatar

sometimes it’s to punish your current partner, sometimes being “bad” feels too good, sometimes it’s just bad judgement meeting up with opportunity. Probably as many different reasons as there are cheaters

whiteowl's avatar

Some men, like my brother (we are very close and can talk about everything), cheat not because they are not satisfied with what they have, and not because they don’t respect their half, but to have new feelings and satisfy their ego.
This kind of men do not change…unfortunately.

Trance24's avatar

A lot of the time cheaters cheat because its the best of both worlds to them. They have the gf/bf who is always there. If they break up with that person they are completely a lone with no one to lean on. So they keep the relationship going so they can continue to have someone, but cheat so that they can still have the variety of a single man.

whiteowl's avatar

dont think it is common reason…it is just mentality…

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

I don’t agree with @AstroChuck about the “spreading your seed” thing. Studies have found that the need to procreate is not an excuse for committing adultery. Furthermore, there are just as many women who cheat as their are men. It’s just more widely acknowledged in men for whatever reason.

I’ve never cheated personally, but I know someone who has. She has has a lot of bad experiences in relationships which has kind of messed her up relationship-wise. She has this habit of “overlapping” relationships – cheating on her current boyfriend, breaking up, and immediately start dating the person she cheated with.

I think for her (and many others) it is a matter of insecurity. She gets so involved with the relationship that she doesn’t know how to get out, even when she feels it’s not going well. Cheating is an easy way to get out of a relationships, because the boyfriend usually breaks up with her because of it. There’s also the benefit of having a new boyfriend ready and willing to take the old one’s place.

For men, I believe it’s a similar situation. Men who have fulfilling relationships are less likely to cheat; cheating happens because there is some element of their relationship that is not working out, and cheating is a way to make up for that.

Relationships between people are always complicated, and that’s just a fact we have to accept.

Peanutjazz's avatar

Okay so im not going to lie but i have cheated on somebody and the way i feel about it is that sometimes when your in a realationship your not happy. And it’s not that you want to cheat on the person and hurt them it’s that when your not getting what you need you find it somewhere else. So yes cheating is wrong but if your not getting what you need from your spouse or partner then what are you supposed to do?

thesparrow's avatar

My best friend right now suspects her boyfriend of 2 years may be cheating. I feel so bad for her and I told her I can’t believe he would do it. How selfish is that.. why don’t you just dump the person? I would never on my life cheat. If I found a more suitable mate than my partner I would break up with my partner BEFORE cheating and before getting involved.

thesparrow's avatar

@ParaParaYukiko Wise, indeed.

How far can we take the ‘boys will be boys’ mentality? It’s certainly not an excuse and I wouldn’t excuse any man, even one who had sex while he was drunk or intoxicated in any way.

It is true that the numbers are more or less equal; we tend to target men because they generally seem to have a ‘higher’ libido than women. Or maybe, it’s just that womens’ libido is a lot more complicated than just see—> do.

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