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Yellowdog's avatar

What should I tell my girlfriend when she asks what I am attracted to about her?

Asked by Yellowdog (11163points) May 11th, 2016

It was love at first sight all those years ago. Before I knew her name, I wrote in a journal I was keeping that she was quiet, shy, pretty, and seemed lonesome. She was kinda like the girl you fall in love with that first autumnal season of college, when you’re maybe 18 or 19 years old and have no way of meeting or getting close to unless you have someone to introduce you to her and vise versa.

Anyhow, the girl didn’t go for me then. The things I tried to do to seem non-threatening actually made me seem very odd to her. But I wrote her some very nice letters—the only way I could “get an audience” with her.

Years later and well into adulthood—almost to mid-life, we cross paths for maybe the third or fourth time and we seem to hit it off. Neither of us are well off financially or even permanently financially solvent. But we were a couple. She lauds me now for what all I have done for her, and wants to know why I am attracted to her.

I basically reiterate what I said in the first paragraph, above. That I fell in love with a girl I didn’t know because of her demeanor and that she seemed very nice and yet wouldn’t give me a chance. By now, in fact, I find a lot NOT to like about her, but I still love her.

Her self esteem is very low yet she basically thinks everyone is mistreating her. There is some truth to this, but she cannot always be first even in my life. She is somewhat a hypocondriac but is good with health matters, diet, etc. She keeps me organized but takes far too much time being meticulous over extraneous details. I am amazed at her neatness and orderliness but she doesn’t dream much (I’ve wasted my life on daydreams, it seems—she thinks I ought to be a doer).

And even though I’m the one good with words, I cannot really say why I love her or what attracts me to her.

If it matters, on the Meyers-Briggs Personality Accessment, she is an ISTJ – Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
(Introverted Sensing with Extraverted Thinking)
— and I am an INPF (Introverted, iNtuitive, Perceiving, Feeling)

We are both introverts but I am much more social and she is very picky about everything.

I really do not know what to tell this woman about why I am attracted to her, though normally I am very good with words and descriptions.

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11 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

You might consider saying, “I fell for a girl I didn’t know for all the surface reasons I have mentioned, yet, like a strong steady river, as I have gotten to know you, those surface attributes are generated from a deep quiet beauty.”

Or something along those lines. Be positive, never mention a fault, and be honest.

Coloma's avatar

Well, if it’s that hard to come up with reasons you find her attractive on a mental, emotional, intellectual and physical level maybe you are not as attracted to her as you are just dependent on her for whatever reasons known only to yourself. I can recite dozens of reasons why I like /love the people I do without any hesitation.

ucme's avatar

The truth, your truth

Cruiser's avatar

Love for me has always been on many levels of what I love about my wife. Telling her I love her because she still puts up with all my shit would be the most honest answer….but that would not be what she wanted to hear.

Don’t fall into the trap of just using adjectives….say she is cute but explain how and why her cuteness makes you love her. Do the same with all the other descriptors you employ….make it meaningful to yourself and her.

Pachy's avatar

Yes or no, depending how you truly feel. Either way, be honest.

stanleybmanly's avatar

A great deal of time can be wasted looking for rational explanations for love. How many times have we all heard the question “what can she possibly see in him?” The heart wants what it wants and can drag you to your doom. In view of what we see around us, it’s amazing that so many of us think ourselves immune.

Coloma's avatar

@stanleybmanly I believe love is a choice. We can only be dragged around by our heart if we allow it. This is the problem in many unhealthy relationships, allowing irrational emotion to cloud the facts that stand before us. The old “love is blind” mantra. It is also deaf and dumb a lot of the time but boy, can it play a mean pinball. lol

kritiper's avatar

Tread lightly here!!! Honesty is always the best policy, but some things are better left unsaid. Tell her it was her beauty, her personality, her sense of humor. Tell her it was “je ne sais quoi.”

chyna's avatar

Does she ask this over and over? If so, tell her to stop being needy and just enjoy that you two are together. How exhausting this must be.

jca's avatar

It’s a question you should not be asked more than once, otherwise it gets redundant.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Tits. Tell her you’re attracted to her tits.

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