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ZEPHYRA's avatar

Do you believe that your marriage is divorce proof?

Asked by ZEPHYRA (21499points) August 19th, 2016

Even if things are okay, do you think that at some point you may not be able to hold it together? I am not necessarily referring to a third party stepping in. I am talking about irreconcilable differences that could at some stage bring it all to a grinding halt.

Are you certain that you both have what it takes to keep it going till the end? Can a person overlook certain things for the sake of keeping it together?

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18 Answers

janbb's avatar

It already happened; apparently it wasn’t.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

@janbb dear penguin besides being sorry for what it left you with, I guess you are better off now. BTW did you see it coming a long way back or did it happen too fast?

janbb's avatar

There were major problems in our marriage – particularly different emotional make-up -s but I expected it to last.

cookieman's avatar

Of course not. No marriage is. Too many variables.

Judi's avatar

I think that after 26 years we are both to old and tired to think about starting over. I can’t imagine a scenario where we would divorce. The first 10 years were to much work!

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Probably will not ever be getting one but there is no marriage that is divorce proof.

Coloma's avatar

Nope, I divorced after almost 22 years, and many people split in their middle age and older age even.
Any relationship can fail at any time, a lot of people just stay in a state of inertia and denial.
Most marriages do not last forever.

anniereborn's avatar

I married again after a divorce. I know that this marriage is not divorce proof either. No one’s is.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

No. I don’t believe any marriage is divorce-proof and to think of your relationship in such a way is dangerous. We are part of a couple, but we are individuals within that couple. As such, people change, situations change, and relationships definitely change. I feel very safe and secure in my marriage. I adore my husband and I think he feels the same way about me. Will we always feel that way? I hope so. Can I be sure things will always be the same? No. I think being aware of this reality helps to prevent us becoming complacent. We invest time in our relationship because it really matters to each of us.

filmfann's avatar

Yesterday we celebrated our 32nd anniversary. Have we ever talked about divorce? Never.
Have we survived difficulty? Yes. Horrible, beyond what you can guess. We never seperated.
Is it divorce proof? Certainly not. And I am grateful we haven’t reached that point yet.

YARNLADY's avatar

Probably not, but after 40 years, I certainly hope so. There is no sign of discord or any other issue that is common to divorced people.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I would like to think so EVERYTHING but 2 items are workable,and that is abuse, second is unfaithfulness.
As long as one adheres to those everything else is workable.
we are going on 27plus years now so I think we have a good chance.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Not everything else is workable there are a lot of other things that are instant deal breakers.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

That is your opinion ,and up to you if you feel you can’t ,we feel those are the only two things that are not workable.

Jeruba's avatar

I don’t think there is such a thing. Even if you and your spouse are both absolutely opposed to divorce as a matter of principle and conviction, things can happen that you never saw coming and that can destroy that equilibrium. Just to name one example: substance addiction in either partner—or in either partner’s child.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s likely to happen, only that it could. But there’s not much point in worrying about it when there are no signs. That worry itself can become a threat to a relationship.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

@filmfann good going, here’s to the next 32 years!

Judi's avatar

In the first few months the “D” word came up. I told my husband that it divorce was even an option I wanted out then! Wither we were in it for the long haul or we were not in it at all. I was fairly (29) young and if I was going to have to do this all over again I wanted to know now.
I didn’t realize how reassuring that would be for him as well. We’ve had some really hard times, especially since I came with three little kids but we have always determined to work it out and never again discussed the D word.
Since the kids are now grown our disagreements are few now.
We still like each other and consider each other best friends as well as lovers.
I suppose he could up and surprise me one day and decide he wants out but I doubt it.

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