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Cruiser's avatar

Is there anything you wish your parents did differently raising you?

Asked by Cruiser (40421points) September 24th, 2016

As a parent who is in the final leg of the being a parent raising my own kids….I wonder what their answer to this question would be. I will ask them as I am asking you Jellies. Or is there something that weighs more heavily that you wish they didn’t do raising you?

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21 Answers

cookieman's avatar

As flawed as my father was and as toxic as my mother became, really nothing. They were who they were and I can’t really fault them for that.

If I had to say one thing, I wish they took a more active interest in my education. I was naturally an A-B student without putting in any real effort. My parents always thought that was good enough and therefore were hands-off mostly. I sometimes think I could have gone from a good student to an exceptional student if I had been pushed a bit. Challenged more.

But really, it’s a minor quibble.

It’s funny that this bothers me a bit, but the lying, emotional manipulation, anger issues, drugs, and all around drama I’ve made peace with. Weird.

ragingloli's avatar

I wish they had given me ninja training.
Knowing how to kill someone with my bare hands would have come in handy many times at work and encounters with the pigs.

cazzie's avatar

I’m the last in a litter of 9 kids. I’m just glad my parents didn’t start practising birth control effectively.

Pachy's avatar

I wish they had encouraged me to take up a musical instrument. Otherwise, I was a lucky kid with two parents who did the best they could and did it damn well.

funkdaddy's avatar

My parents were/are awesome. Really thankful for 99% of what they taught me and can’t say enough good things about either of them.

One thing that comes to mind that I wish wasn’t such a focus is my Dad’s insistence that “if it’s important, you’ll get it done”... it was kind of the default response for any time/priority related questions that came up.

It seems to make sense and there’s a certain air of taking responsibility, but it leaves no room for a truly full schedule or a kind interpretation of anyone else’s actions. If something didn’t get done, it obviously wasn’t important enough to the person that needed to do it.

As I’ve gotten older and had to choose between important things like family, work, friends, school, yourself, and all the other demands we have, it’s taken a long time to recognize the gray area of battling priorities we’re all living in. That’s a lot of failures and disappointments based on a mantra that’s a little too absolute for the real world.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I would have had less teasing fron my dad. I would have had my mom own a car.

JLeslie's avatar

I wish they hadn’t been screaming and fighting so much.

I wish my mom hadn’t been required to make a big dinner every night when she was working full time.

I wish our home had been nearer and cleaner.

I wish my parents had been a little more attentive to my schoolwork, but if I had to choose an extreme, I’m extremely grateful they were the extreme of being quite lax.

For many years I wished my parents would divorce. As an adult I don’t know what I think. I don’t think either was very happy in many ways, but not everything was/is bad. If they had divorced I think at least for a while the burden on me would have been huge. That would have sucked.

Cruiser's avatar

Me…I wished they spent more time with us. Both were Realtors and worked 6 days a week and the one day off (Wednesday) they had, they spent with each other. I remember when I was 17 and said Adios to my mom after dinner to go hang out with my buds….she laments, why don’t you stay home you are always going out! I said…Mom…I am home all day long, you are the one who is never home. :( And why I vowed never to become a Realtor.

Jeruba's avatar

Everything came with a moral component, and the concomitant of that is guilt, which was ladled out in choking doses. I could have done with a whole lot less of that.

rem1981's avatar

I wish they would have sent me to live with my grandparents.

DominicY's avatar

I really don’t have any complaints about the way I was raised. In many ways I was incredibly lucky and can’t ask for much more. Although like @Pachy I do kind of wish they had made me play an instrument. As it is, I really have no ability to play anything. My brother learned guitar at least. And I wish they had started giving me an allowance earlier. All the other kids had one!

So that’s about as bad as it got with them…

Judi's avatar

LOTS! But I have long since forgiven them. If they were raising me today they would be arrested for neglect. at 6 years old I was responsible for my baby brother and still had to get myself ready for school and on time. I often wished someone cared enough to brush my hair before I went to school, make sure my socks matched, make sure my homework was done, make sure there were no holes in my shoes, make sure I made it to school safely (I remember actually accepting a ride from a stranger one day when I was late and I don’t know how I didn’t get kidnapped. the guy put his hand on my thigh. I was probably in first or second grade.)
My dad was dying and my mom was working and I was the 5th of 6 kids so I know they were just trying to survive.
I turned out OK so I won’t hold it agaist them.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Judi My socks don’t always match. Like today I had same color different texture.

Judi's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 , the teasing was miserable. I also wish they had cared enough to take me to the doctor when I was sick. I was that ragamuffin kid with the runny nose wrinkled clothes and the mismatched socks. They were almost always white but they rarely matched.
I remember one day the teacher was reading a story and asked if anyone had ever darned socks. I was the only one who raised my hand because many mornings I was seeing up a hole in the toes of my socks in order to go to school.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Judi When I was in grade school I was chased up a tree and fell on a branch and needed stichtes on the whole length of my side half a meter three wounds. My dad refused to take me to the hospital. It took 20 years to fully heal the physical scar is finally gone.

Judi's avatar

Ouch @redDeerGuy1! I had a glass milk jug shatter in my hand. Nearly 50 years later and I still have a huge scar because they couldn’t afford to take me to the doctor.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Judi Ouch too. I live in Canada we get free medical care. My dad was just being a jerk. I slept it off and it crusted over In a week. I could see my insides and it cut to the fat white insides.

ragingloli's avatar

I once poured a cup of boiling water over my leg. Burned a good portion of my skin off.
My parents sent me to school the next day, untreated. I was in excrutiating pain for the whole day.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@ragingloli I quickly learned how to skip school and sleep in home of the nurses office. Sorry that that happened to you. Parents are jerks sometimes. I turned out ok.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@ragingloli I quickly learned how to skip school and sleep in home or the nurses office. Sorry that that happened to you. Parents are jerks sometimes. we I turned out ok.

Aster's avatar

After reading these very sad stories I have no right to complain about my parents. I just can’t do it. Mom especially was wonderful to me.

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