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Aster's avatar

What will most likely happen to our friend who is ignoring his colon tumor?

Asked by Aster (18666points) July 12th, 2017

My husband has known “R” for many years. R is sixty five and, I think due to stress since he doesn’t smoke or drink, has ruined his health from devoting the last ten years to taking care of his parents who are both in their nineties! His father is rude to R and ungrateful. R’s mother does not know her grandson anymore, falls down, and is simply demented. I’ve never met either of his parents. So R is renting his house and has been a live-in nurse/caretaker for years. He takes his mother to the beauty salon once a week and seven nights a week he loads her into the car with her wheelchair and takes them out to eat when he was not supposed to lift more than five pounds. So five months ago R was diagnosed with heart disease and had a quadruple bypass. His son came and stayed with the parents. Tragically, they have found a large, lemon sized tumor in R’s colon. But R can’t leave his parents to have the surgery then stay in the hospital to recuperate. He claims they have plenty of cash to stay in a nursing home just while R is in the hospital but his father won’t part with the money. Won’t that tumor just pop his colon wall? If so, won’t it kill R? R lives in a Dallas suburb and acts like the tumor will simply shrink on its own. His mother has no idea anything is wrong with R. Seems like he is giving his life to his aging parents who show zero gratitude.

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14 Answers

Coloma's avatar

His choice but sounds very unhealthy in regards to his relationship with his parents. Surely he could find temporary caregiving help for a month r so while he underwent the surgery and recovery.
I am sure his doctors have advised him as to the risks if left untreated and if it is, potentially, malignant. Ultimately it’s his call, and if he is willing to risk his health nothing anyone can do.
Only his doctors know the risks.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

What will most likely happen is very simple. He will die.

Aster's avatar

I think he said it’s malignant. And yes; they could hire visiting nurses but not one of the three of them think a stranger in the house with a mentally ill woman and his father would work out.
R has a brother who, while inheriting one half of the assets, won’t help out.

CWOTUS's avatar

Malignant cancer kills, with varying speeds depending on the type of cancer. Tumors don’t generally “go away on their own”. I’m not going to say “never”, but if your friend survives an untreated malignant soft-tissue cancer that’s already lemon-size, then he’ll be a medical marvel.

Tell him to get his head out of his ass, and then get the tumor out, too.

filmfann's avatar

One of my dear friends died in January from colon rectal cancer. The surgery wound never healed properly, and poop began coming out of her side.
So, what is the most likely outcome for your friend?
Death. And not an honorable, clean, dignified one.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@Aster If the man has a malignant tumor in his colon the size of a lemon, all this other information you are adding is irrelevant. He either has surgery and undergoes further treatment, or he dies. It’s very straightforward.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Well he sure as hell can’t pray it away…

Aster's avatar

^^^^^^^^^. He told me he’s on “a lot of prayer lists.” I wish I had responded more than, “that’s wonderful.”

Coloma's avatar

Sounds like he wants to die, maybe to get back at his parents in the ultimate, passive aggressive way.

JLeslie's avatar

Well, assuming it’s cancer, most likely it will grow and he won’t be able to have a bowel movement, and he will go into crisis eventually and wind up in the emergency.

He already might have the cancer in other parts of his body. Did he say what stage the cancer is? If the doctors said it could be surgically removed he should do it ASAP. If it grows, and he can still have bowel movements he might get a window of time where they can shrink it with radiation and then surgically remove it. Every day he risks the cancer spreading if it hasn’t already.

Doing nothing to treat colon cancer is a re ups to die. It’s sometimes very aggressive, and kills quickly. It also has a lot of good treatments when caught early. We don’t know enough details of his particular case though.

My grandfather had colon cancer removed, and many many years later died from something completely unrelated. The cancer never came back.

My BIL survived colon cancer 5 years ago. He has polyps every year when he is checked.

A friend of mine lived ten years after her colon cancer treatment.

Nothing to play with.

Taking care of unhealthy parents is one of the biggest stresses one can go through. It’s basically an accepted fact.

He needs to take care of himself and either have someone visit to take care of them, or put them in a place for a while. When he does they’ll have to do one of those two things anyway.

I think he’s passively suicidal.

gorillapaws's avatar

Ask Steve Jobs what happens when you delay surgery to remove a malignant cancer.

Coloma's avatar really is up to him. I have no intention of undergoing any highly invasive treatments should I be diagnosed with advanced cancer. His call, his reasons don’t matter.

JLeslie's avatar

Is it advanced?

Aster's avatar

All he told us that it is “as big as a lemon.” Nothing else about it.

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