General Question

acrossdarkwinds's avatar

Is it possible to be in love with someone you've only seen?

Asked by acrossdarkwinds (69points) August 12th, 2008

Like, seriously. I’m not asking this based on looks. If you see someone and how they act around other people, could you fall in love with them?

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23 Answers

ninjaxmarc's avatar

infatuation and the words in love are just that

wildflower's avatar

I think you could certainly become attracted, perhaps even infatuated with them, but I’m not sure about falling in love without knowing your chemistry with that person….

augustlan's avatar

Intrigued, infatuated, drawn to…but not love, I think.

AstroChuck's avatar

Ive been in lust with someone I’ve only seen.

augustlan's avatar

@Chuck: Haven’t we all…

poofandmook's avatar

I think you can be in love with them if you’ve observed them, but like any couple, you could find things out later that would cause you to fall out of love.

poofandmook's avatar

What I mean is that you can be in love with the way you’ve projected them to be in your head and then find out differently later. everyone fills in the blanks themselves about people until they’re filled in by that person.

AstroChuck's avatar

When you’re in love, it’s the greatest two and a half days of your life.

McBean's avatar

2 1/2 days? That’s some slow burnin’ love.

augustlan's avatar

@P&M: Good point…

LKidKyle1985's avatar

I guess its possible, Don’t let these flutheres define what love is to you. If you know it,then you know it. Sometimes there is not much difference between love and infactuation. Atleast not to the person feeling those feelings.

marinelife's avatar

You can become infatuated with someone. You can feel that chemical attraction, but you cannot love someone without knowing them. You cannot now someone just from observing them (unless it is many years and in a myriad of situations).

Enjoy the magic, but do not confuse it with love.

TheHaight's avatar

I think there is a big difference between ‘love’ and ‘infatuation’. You might be infatuated with someone, get to know who they really are and realize you could never love that person… Ever. I’ve known so many people that rush into relationships because they confuse the infatuation with love, get to know who that persons true colors and gets let down..

wundayatta's avatar

Can you be in love with someone you’ve never met?

I guess I equate the feeling of loving someone you’ve met on the internet, but have never met with the feeling of loving someone you’ve only seen, but had no interactions with.

What I think is going on is fantasy. Projection.

But I also think fantasy and projection go on with in-person relationships.

So, is the fantasy and projection of an in-person relationship (let’s say you think you’re in love in a week), somehow more reliable than the fantasy and projection of internet relationships or visual relationships?

While most people would say, “of course,” I think you’d have a hard time proving your case. It would be interesting to do a study comparing the length of relationships of each kind.

I think we have models of our ideal love in our heads. We compare specific individuals to that model based on whatever data we have available. If we think it’s close enough, we call it love.

Others will call this infatuation. But I challenge you to show me the point at which infatuation switches to love. You have some arbitrary idea of how much we need to know about each other before we can truly call it love.

I say that people do decide it is love based on very little information and a lot of fantasy. I suggest that sometimes they are right. In fact, they might be right more often than you think. The world over, people have made happiness out of arranged marriages, where you don’t even see the person, or perhaps even write to them before hand.

A good relationship is primarily a matter of will. If a relationship is a matter of how long it lasts, then I say it is possible to fall in love with someone based upon looks. It’s probably unlikely to be requited, but it is just as valid as love in any other configuration.

Sure, we tell teens that their love is infatuation, because they have little experience of relationships. But it is certainly possible for teens to be good at relationships, and for their “infatuations” to be true love. So, while we think it odd to fall in love based purely on looks, it can happen, and who knows? Maybe it happens much more often than we know.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I don’t feel that it would truly be love, but, kind of like what daloon said: It’s all relative. What love is to one person may not be to another. To give you an example, I personally believe that what people call “unconditional love” isn’t true love at all. Because in my mind, when you take out the reasons you choose to love someone and say you’ll love them no matter what, it cheapens what I think love should be. Many other people – most, as a matter of fact – disagree with me. And that’s okay, because it’s what love is to them.

I do agree with everyone else when they say you can’t love someone you truly don’t know, because again, that’s what love is to me. Loving someone for reasons. And it’s hard to do that when you don’t know them. But, if you have had the chance to observe them many, many times and you think you have a good idea of the type of person they are and how they interact with other people… Sure. Why couldn’t it be love?

AstroChuck's avatar

Isn’t this really just a question that has no hard answer? Love is different to different people. Anything is possible, so why not love of someone you haven’t actually met. There are some people who fall in love with inanimate objects. I read about a woman who recently had a wedding ceremony for her marriage to the Eiffel Tower. Who’s to say if that will last or not. I can’t imagine what the wedding night consisted of.

Mr_M's avatar

You can’t really fall in love with a person unless you know them and that means learning how they are in MANY situations. And that takes some time. Before that, you may THINK you’re in love. Sometimes people who THINK they’re in love DO get to know the person and THEN really fall in love. They’ll be the ones that say “Yes, it’s possible” since, to them it seems that way.

This questioner is asking if you can fall in love based upon how someone acts around other people. “Acting” is just that. You’ll be “falling in love” with the character that person portrays in a situation. But characters are not always the real person. I imagine pedophiles are REAL NICE around children.

poofandmook's avatar

If you think you’re in love, how are you not in love? Love is a feeling… it’s not like saying “oh I think I’m wearing green socks” and you look down and they’re blue. If you feel like you’re in love, you are. Who’s to say that it’s real or fake or lust or infatuation? If you feel love, you feel love. So many are trying to put love in a tiny little box of definition and that’s just flat-out not the case.

wundayatta's avatar

Bravo poofandmook! That distills what I was feeling but could not articulate so clearly. Do you offer lessons in clarity? I’ve got to stop going on for so long!

poofandmook's avatar

lol thanks daloon.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Tim swears he fell in love with me as soon as met me. And he pretty much told me as much at the time. I’m not saying we have a perfect relationship, but I think it’s very nice, and we’ve been together for almost a year now…for what that’s worth.

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