Social Question

Lois0987's avatar

Should I apologize to this certain guy?

Asked by Lois0987 (73points) September 13th, 2017

This might be a bit confusing and long but I’ll try to explain it the best I can.

So last year I met this guy and we became friends pretty fast. It was with the tipical “want to sit with me at lunch?” kinda move and I met with him everyday for a few weeks. We then exchanged numbers and started talking online too because he seemed like a nice guy. Then we started opening up to each other and we realized our childhoods were exactly the same. I won’t go into detail but we came from shit families and I clearly remember him telling me “I hope you never get betrayed the way I did”. So more weeks pass and I realized this guy is kinda strange and is very clingy. When he sees me he’ll always come up to me and talk, and never. Stops. Talking.(I am very introverted and I dislike talking) It was to the point where I had to force myself to seem interested or happy with him, and I might seem like a huge bitch but even though I started thinking negatively about him I stayed friends with him and we shared more information about ourselves. I knew I shouldn’t be but I never met anyone who understood my shit family. By the title of this you probably know what I did. I got the cheapest way out and when he said something just a little offensive (which was saying my friend I had for 3 years didn’t seem good for me to be around) I pretended to seem hurt and told him to stop talking to me.

Months later I regret it and he’s in my PE class (I’m in high school) now and It’s so awkward with him around me but I kinda just want to be alright with each other again. I feel like I betrayed him so he’s probably mad at me or just doesn’t give a shit and makes fun of how arrogant he thinks I am. I don’t know if I should apologize because I don’t want to seem desperate. Should I? I just have no idea what to do. At one moment I’m confident in doing so but then when I think of his reaction to it I think it’s just better to keep silence.

Should I apologize and/or how?

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8 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Any apology would be properly considered an attempt at reconciliation. And that would mean restarting your friendship at the point where it broke off before.

So if you want to go back to that point, then apologize. But if his constant talking is going to drive you nuts again, don’t.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Do you feel comfortable being around him at all? Is there any more reason to get him back other than he being your old friend and you two having a nice chat one day about your shit families?

Answer the questions honestly and you will know what to do.

Zaku's avatar

I agree with the others. Remember how it was when you decided to break it off, and whether you really want that again or not.

Without knowing either of you or seeing your interactions, I don’t know for sure what to say about how to talk to him. My intuition says you’re expecting it to be harder than it will be, and maybe you don’t need to apologize in any detail and it might be best if you just started talking to him.

The trickier part may be, when he talks too much again, how to tell him you’re done listening for the moment.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Sometimes we overjudge someone, and regret it later.
Absolutely everyone has faults, and you have to decide which ones you can put up with, and which ones you can’t.

If you do truly want to be friends, then yes, apologize. I am pretty sure you are bracing yourself for the totally wrong reaction.
At another time, when the two of you are alone together, bring up the matter of his talking. Tell him you love his enthisiasm, but it is too much, and makes him a motormouth.
I bet he already knows. Just approach the subject in a way that gets the point across, but lets him know you are his friend, and ready to be supportive. Friends help each other like this, and working together to help him curb his steady banter will create a bonded friendship for you.

LostInParadise's avatar

You did not tell him the real reason for breaking up because you felt it would be more hurtful than the story you gave. Do you feel differently now? If so, tell him the truth just as you told it to us. I would not consider it an apology exactly, more a way of setting things straight. Tell him that you enjoyed the time you spent together, but that you felt that he was coming on a little too strong. Telling the truth is not always the best choice, but it has a lot going for it.

NomoreY_A's avatar

If you were my daughter or grand daughter, I’d advise you to let it go. You don’t owe this guy anything, and you have no obligation to be any thing more than civil towards him, just as I’m sure you would be to anyone else. Just the two cents worth of an old fart, for whatever it’s worth. Hope it all works out, whatever you decide on.

zenvelo's avatar

I’ve been pondering this since yesterday. What if he thinks he needs to apologize to you?

Be open to it if he approaches you to say he is sorry he offended you last year. You then get to set boundaries on how you want to interact with him going forward.

CWOTUS's avatar

I would advise that you apologize. Whatever understanding (or misunderstanding) he takes from that is on him, but the apology will clear your own conscience. It will also affirm to yourself your own minor courage: making necessary apologies isn’t an easy thing to do, since it requires admitting to a fault. That’s harder than it seems to anyone who is outside our heads.

And I do not think it would be a disservice to tell him why you manufactured fake outrage “back when” to separate from him, but be tactful in how you do that (so you don’t end up having to apologize for the manner of making this apology).

So, with all of this in mind: “just apologize”. If you tend to start an apology with, “I’m sorry, but…” then it’s not really an apology.

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