General Question

YARNLADY's avatar

Do I answer back or no?

Asked by YARNLADY (42426points) July 16th, 2018

A depressed person yelled at me, accusing me of things that never happened. Do I defend myself, or just try to ignore because it’s the disease talking?

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10 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Privately tell their next of kin. They might be able to help.

stanleybmanly's avatar

the latter course is admirable if you can restrain yourself.

kritiper's avatar

Depending on how important the subject is to you, defend yourself by saying the accusations are false. If it’s a big deal to you, write a letter describing your involvement, or lack thereof. If it’s not that big of a deal to you, keep quiet. Good luck!

Jeruba's avatar

If this person is anything like a few I’ve known, he or she may choose to assume that your silence means you concur—that in fact that you’re speechless because you’re so overwhelmed by the rightness of the accusations.

I don’t let things like that stand any more. I don’t engage, but I do state my disagreement just so it’s on the record: “Sorry, I don’t buy that. I’m not going to argue with you, but I want you to know that those statements are inaccurate and unjust.”

A disease may impair a person’s ability to function normally in a relationship, but it does not give a person the right to mistreat someone else.

Zaku's avatar

Depends on how/whether you know them, what they said, who else was there, how aggressively/threateningly, etc.

If they’re in person, depending again on the tone & details, I might just make a “what the heck you talking about?” face at them.

I’ll usually make some effort to listen and communicate, and not let needless misunderstandings continue and grow, but keep boundaries up about to avoid inappropriate impact/involvement.

Jeruba's avatar

I’m assuming that this person is a relative or close associate, or someone else in whom you have a personal investment or whose accusations could harm you, and not some random nut case. If it’s someone you don’t know and aren’t connected to, and their behavior is no threat to you, then of course ignore it.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I took it that you know things about the person in question beyond depression. The loudly delivered false allegations leads me to believe that this person will not be walking around long and getting away with such behavior. Are you being singled out for “special” treatment?

LadyMarissa's avatar

Depression creates a reaction that the person NEVER means to create!!! When I was at my lowest, I’d catch myself screaming like a nut case over a simple “good morning” & the whole time I’m wondering WHY I was going off but just couldn’t stop my mouth from its rant!!!

Once my Gramps became ill, the family put $2.00 in his wallet so when he looked he’d have some cash. He saw his care giver steal $50 out of his wallet. It was IMPOSSIBLE because his wallet was in his pocket & it only contained the $2.00. He insisted we fire the young lady because she was a thief. He died believing that she had stolen his $50 although we ALL knew that she hadn’t. We’ll never know what did happen but we do know that he believed what he had seen!!!

I say IGNORE it for as long as you can mainly because you can’t argue with someone who isn’t being rational because their brain believes what they are saying at that particular moment!!! It’s very possible that by tomorrow your friend won’t even remember about what they were so upset!!!

YARNLADY's avatar

^^^thank you.

Inspired_2write's avatar

always wait 24 hours after an alteration as both sides then calm down and think about it.
Phone her in a day or so to ask if OK? Gently explain that you did not wish to give her the wrong impression and ask to explain. Apologize for the misunderstanding.

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