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Aseeeidaaa's avatar

What’s wrong with me!

Asked by Aseeeidaaa (10points) July 17th, 2018 from iPhone

Hello, I am a 22 year old female, I work as a lifeguard and I have just completed my nursing diploma. I train with a triathlon team in pursue of becoming an Olympic athlete one day.

For the past few months-year I’ve been experiencing things that I have been finding hard to cope with. I have started to lose interest in the sport that I have been extremely passionate about for years. I have also lost interest in my career as a nurse and I don’t want to become employed as a nurse but my parents payed for all of my education (I feel blessed) and I don’t have the heart to tell them I don’t want to work as a nurse. I have picked up a horrible habit of trying to make myself sick for no apparent reason. This includes losing as much weight as possible in a very unhealthy way, I have began to self harm myself on my hips via cutting and burning, I often take way too many sleeping pills hoping that it might cause me to become sick, I feel very lonely and as if I can’t talk to anyone about this, whenever I do go out with my friends and family, I pretend there’s nothing wrong with me even when prompted. I have spoken to a medical professional about my issues but I feel she gave me the wrong diagnosis (depression and anxiety) as well as the wrong solution (depression pills to which I stopped taking after 2 months because nothing was changing). I become extremely anxious in social situations because I feel like I always need to impress people and I don’t know how to be myself around others. I do get social anxiety and HATE making new friends yet when I’m surrounded with few of my friends I don’t mind speaking to strangers.

I know this is a lot and I know you probably think “oh she’s just some bitchy girl who’s just trying to get attention” but I can tell you that I am honestly just confused about what’s going on with me and I would just like someone to explain to me what might be happening. Thanks for taking the time to read my question/concern! Please let me know if you can help, it would be greatly appreciated!

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14 Answers

JennWithOneN's avatar

this definitely sounds like depression and anxiety actually (its kind of a perfect example of them both honestly). i think you should see a therapist, and also maybe you should either try out the pills you were taking for a longer period of time (sometimes it takes a lot longer than 2 months for something to happen), or try a new kind of pill.

good luck my dude <3

edit: i also want to add that the disordered eating stuff kind of sounds like another form of self harm, but i’m not a professional, and again, i definitely think you should see a therapist (i used to have depression and it helped me get through that and has helped me so much with my anxiety as well)

MrGrimm888's avatar

I feel bad, when I read posts like this. I have been suffering from anxiety, and depression for years now. I would give anything, to be able to give you a solution. Unfortunately, I am still battling these issues myself…

I was surprised to find out just how many people suffer from similar issues. It gives me some hope, to know that others are making it. And so, although I have little advice for a cure, I would like to extend my condolences for your plight, and my support.

If you’re hurting yourself, it’s time to more aggressively pursue treatment. Anti-depressants aren’t always the answer, but there are multiple types. You may have more success with a different med. Talk to your doctor. Most importantly, BE BRUTALLY HONEST. If you aren’t being truthful with your doctors, you aren’t giving them a chance to help you. If you don’t like the doctor who originally helped you with this, find another one. This could take time to address, and you need to be comfortable with your doctor or it will be more difficult, if not impossible.

As far as your nursing goes, you are blessed. If you aren’t as passionate about it anymore, maybe think of what attracted you to that profession to begin with. There are LOTS of different types of nurses, and a high demand for all. Maybe you can find a niche where it focuses on what drives you, whether that’s working with kids, or people in need of mental help, like us. If you already have a framework for a degree, it’s probably not that hard to pivot into a type of nursing/medical work you would like. Helping people in need is very rewarding. You may find it helps your self image, and makes you feel important (because you are.)

Talk to your parents. At least the one you can confide in most. If not one of them, maybe a trusted aunt, other family member, counselor, or someone like a long time priest, or rabbi, or something. Maybe they could help facilitate a conversation with your parents, or act as a liason.

Your parents wouldn’t have put you through school, if they didn’t love you. They may indeed be discouraged by your change of heart, but I wager they would be willing to help you. I guarantee that they just want you to be happy.

I know that I am nobody important. I’m just a loser on the Internet. But. If I could ask you a favor, PLEASE stop hurting yourself. I get it. I do. But it isn’t productive, and you could end up a lot more miserable by suffering an unexpected consequence.

Life is crazy. It’s normal to have trouble navigating the trials and tribulations that come with this gift. You are not alone. And you are probably a LOT more valuable to this world than you think.

We ALL need help sometimes.

Get the help you need. If it’s not helping, look elsewhere. Don’t give up. There’s a lot of happiness out there. Go find it.

Good luck.

Peace n love :)

LostInParadise's avatar

I have one thing to add to the two excellent posts. I battle depression and you definitely have the symptoms of it. Check out DBSA They are a network of support groups. It does not cost anything to attend a meeting. There are no professionals involved, only people who have suffered from depression providing mutual support. Find a DBSA center near you and tell them your story.

rebbel's avatar

Excellent answers by these three Jellies, sound advice, and heartwarming.
@MrGrimm888 there’s no need to call one’s self unimportant or a loser.
You just gave helpful, compassionate advice to someone who’s suffering.
In my book that’s the trait of a winner.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Thanks brother.

Edit. Fluther Brother…

LadyMarissa's avatar

I don’t normally take the same side as any doctor; however, this time I do agree with your doctor’s diagnosis. In my opinion, the problem is with the antidepressant you were prescribed. It took me years of taking & changing prescriptions before we found the magic combination for me!!! I also believe that part of your problem is related to your age. You might be going through the hormonal shift that sometimes occurs between the teen hormones & what I call the adult hormones. Hormonal shifts happens several times throughout your lifetime & they almost always make you feel a little crazy while it’s occurring!!!

i suggest that you get back in touch with your doctor & explain to her that the antidepressant doesn’t seem to be agreeing with your system. Ask her IF there might not be another one that would be more suitable. At this point, you will probably need to learn to stand up for yourself. Some doctors get very defensive when you challenge their knowledge; but, you will need to be an strong advocate for yourself. YOU know what you are feeling & your doctor knows what you should be doing. Somewhere in the middle is the right balance for you!!!

IF your doctor doesn’t listen or take into consideration your concerns, I’d suggest possibly changing doctors until you do find one who will listen to you!!! Honestly, I’ve never had to deal with the cutting part of depression & really don’t understand how that works. Maybe you need to discuss the cutting with a therapist who has a better understanding & more knowledge of what you’re going through & can also prescribe antidepressants.Therapists seem to be willing to change the prescription when the patient says they aren’t working as they should!!!

As for your nursing degree, I don’t think you should give up so soon since the depression is probably what is causing the lack of interest.As you push your way through the depression, you might find that you will regain your interest. At worst, you can use the income from your job to save up enough money to change careers later on IF you need to go back to school to pursue your new interest.

Life is a series of challenges. It is how you FACE those challenges that builds character!!! Just do NOT give up on yourself. YOU are the one who is ultimately responsible for taking care of YOU!!! The main thing I’ve learned during my battle with depression is that no matter how bad it is today that tomorrow may well be a NEW day & ALL my problems seem to melt away at least for that day. I’ve learned to simply take it ONE day at a time & deal with my current day in the BEST way that I can!!! In doing that I’ve discovered that I’m MUCH stronger than the depression sometimes makes me feel. I just try to NOT give in to the depression!!!

I’ve done my best to explain to you how I’ve dealt with my depression. You will just need to figure out the BEST way for YOU to deal with yours!!! A therapist can steer you in the right direction so you can better understand what is going on inside your own body. I truly wish you well on your journey…YOU CAN DO IT!!!

marinelife's avatar

Get yourself some help quickly. Cutting is a serious issue for which you need psychological help. You have to look closely at your family dynamics and your real life goals (note: I said your goals not your parents). You may need medication for depression.

All of these things need to be dealt with by your talking to a professional.

rojo's avatar

All of the above are spot on.

Depression can come from many sources. From personal experience I wonder if perhaps it does not stem from your lack of passion for your choice of careers in Nursing and the dread that you experience whenever you think of discussing it with your parents after they have devoted so much money toward it? I tend to go into a funk whenever I am faced with something unpleasant that I really do not want to do. It colors all parts of my life, not just that which is directly affected by it.

The only thing that gets me out of it is to finally just do it. Get it over with and then I can move on.

And, for the most part it is the dread of the possible consequences that is worse than the actual consequences that do occur.

Just a suggestion.

Incidentally, a nursing degree does not mean you are always going to be a nurse. It is a stepping stone to other careers both in and out of the medical field. And, it seems like those who choose that particular career path are very empathetic and compassionate people to begin with so even if they do not stay in that field they find themselves drawn to professions where they are helping others.

LuckyGuy's avatar

These are all great answers. I can’t offer advice since, fortunately, this issue is so foreign to me. The only self harm/cutting I engage in is when I have to change the registration sticker on my car or when I am slicing a rotisserie chicken. It is ugly.
That said, I want you to notice how people here are honestly opening up and trying to help you – a complete stranger. Listen to them. Breathe, just breathe…

And I want to give @MrGrimm888 a kick somewhere for criticizing and belittling one of the most competent, capable guys on the planet – himself! If I were stranded on a desert island you’d be right near the top of my list of fellow strandees.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Thanks @Lucky guy . Let’s focus on the OP. She needs help.

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Whitecoyote's avatar

I didn’t think you were being bad…and don’t know why you said you sounded like a bad person….you feel bad and seem to be in pain ..I’m confused in life too and wish for answers…but I don’t know what that means either… :(

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