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sugarmonstaa's avatar

Does my boyfriend have a crush on her?

Asked by sugarmonstaa (34points) September 26th, 2018

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we have a great relationship. I love him very much, he’s never given me a reason to distrust him. We’ve been talking more and more about marriage but no proposal yet, we’ve had several family member weddings this year. We also live together and we get along great, not like other couples that constantly argue.

Anyway, I’m not one to have much friends. We hang out with my cousin and her husband a lot. Lately an old mutual friend of ours has been bringing his long term girlfriend around all of us and we’ve been hanging out. I’ve become more closer to our friend’s girlfriend. Now I’m wondering if I should try to avoid this friendship? We’ve been friends with her boyfriend for years, we attended his surprise party. My boyfriend sort of brings her name up when it doesn’t need to be.

She’s cute and working on her PHD, some of the same qualities of our personality is the same and I’m working on my Masters so it’s like his “type”. Goody girl, studious, goofy. Anyway, when we were all playing a game he got a little competitive and blurted out to her “I hate you!” I’m a joking way When she stopped him from winning. He never says that to anyone so it was a pretty strong word to say.

When talking to my sister about our phones and about the newest iPhone. My boyfriend has an old iPhone 5 and he brought up “her” name again and said she’s the only one that has an old phone like her. Later that night he brought up her brother and his odd name.

The other night we were planning a vacation. I mention the new friend of mine is from where we were thinking about And he said “maybe she should be our tour guide” and I was like “why?” And he said he was just joking.

Its making me feel sick thinking about it. Is it just on my head? Is this something to worry about? I should probably keep our distance from the triple dates but I’m feel sad that I may not have a friend anymore. My cousin is closer friends with them so I think I would have to talk to her and mention how I wouldn’t want them invited to our hangouts if this is a problem.

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10 Answers

janbb's avatar

In any long term relationship, it is not uncommon for one or the other in the couple to occasionally develop a crush on someone else. It’s usually not significant but your instinct to not hang around with them too much is a good idea. If you could distance yourself subtly from them without mentioning it to your cousin or your boyfriend it would be best rather than making a drama out of it.

chyna's avatar

It’s just in your head. He hasn’t said anything about her that he would not have said about a guy. The phone comment? Nothing to it. The tour guide comment? You brought her name up and he followed up with a funny comment. There may be a reason you don’t have many friends. You can’t keep your boyfriend all to yourself.

sugarmonstaa's avatar

@janbb We have a fall event this weekend so I’ll try to afterward.

@chyna Maybe you’re right and I hope so but if he continues to push her name more randomly or if there’s any flags and if I am uncomfortable I might have to distance myself from her.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Ask your boyfriend if he is interested in that girl?
Honest communication is best to discuss your misgivings .
I would invite the girl around MORE rather than less to escalate your boyfriends interest and to see if it is time for him to stay or leave your relationship.
Become VERY close friends with that girl and it will be SHE that tells you if your boyfriend is planning on cheating on you.
It could be that your boyfriend is unsure of committing to marriage and is testing himself as a barometer .Best to find out BEFORE he marries than after.
I would want a person who is SURE of the relationship rather than questioning after marrying.

marinelife's avatar

Please talk to your cohab. Be honest. If you guys have been in a relationship seven years without good and clear communication, your relationship is in trouble anyway. Tell him how you feel. That you are afraid that he is developing feelings for her and you would prefer to see less of them. His response may pleasantly surprise you.

rebbel's avatar

You distancing yourself from her is not gonna decrease his interest in her.
Communicate with your partner.

mazingerz88's avatar

The sad and unfortunate truth is…and this could happen to you too….either party in most if not all relationships would develop a crush on someone.

It happened with my college girlfriend and I myself went through the same thing.

There is of course pros and cons to this. The earlier one finds out his or her partner isn’t into him or her anymore, the better.

I would always hope for that it’s just a phase and willing to accept that she has a crush and nothing more.

Confession though….in high-school and college I wasn’t that mature. I initiated a lot of drama and made too many mix-tapes. Lol

KNOWITALL's avatar

I agree with the few saying talk to your mate. Maybe he knows you need a friend and is trying to encourage you? Dont ever let jealousy in your heart, it only hurts the relationship.

janbb's avatar

I now agree with those who say that talking to you boyfriend is a good idea if this is bothering you. I just personally don’t think that someone having a light crush on another person is necessarily a break-up reason but only you know what your boundaries are.

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