General Question

Dannyfanpooch's avatar

Guy I’m dating (not officially) but we’ve been dating over a month now always finds a way to bring up the mother of his child?

Asked by Dannyfanpooch (63points) 3 weeks ago from iPhone

We’ve gone on a date every Saturday for the past month and a half and though we are not “officially” dating we do hook up after the date but anyhow; he mentions something about his daughters mother at least once any time we are together which I find slightly annoying since I only see him once a week, is this something I should mention to him? Or should I just presume he’s still hung up on her? I did tell him I liked and wanted a relationship and he said he liked me too but he didn’t want to rush into a relationship because there’s still a lot we don’t know about eachother, and now I’m just kind of wondering if it’s because he’s still hoping they will get back together, they spent Halloween together because they took their daughter trick or treating and they do this often so I’m not sure what to make of it all.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

9 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

There are two things to be mindful of at this stage:

1. He is one of two parents and will, if he is honorable and decent, be interacting with the child’s mother for another 15 or more years. That is unavoidable.

2. He could also still be emotionally tangled. This is the time to say, “it is important to be a good father, but I don’t need or want to hear about your ex every time we are together.”

If you have been on a half dozen dates, and having sex with him, then this is certainly the time to bring this up. If he balks at what you are saying, you can tell him he isn’t quite ready for dating yet.

Dannyfanpooch's avatar

I was thinking that as well, I don’t really feel he is ready to be dating, thank you so much.

janbb's avatar

I concur with what @zenvelo said. also, you need to think long and hard about whether you want to be with a guy who is a committed parent to another woman’s child. There’s no right or wrong in this, you just have to be clear with yourself. If you are really interested in pursuing the relationship, then saying something along the lines of what has been said makes sense and see where it goes. Accept that he will be talking about his child, but if he is to be emotionally available, he should not be still hung up on his ex-wife.

rojo's avatar

I think you should mention it and you may be right, he may not be ready but he is trying. Maybe cut him some slack and bring it to his attention, he probably is not even aware he is doing it.

kritiper's avatar

Turn around is fair play.
Do you have a pet? Like a dog or cat??
If not, does your neighbor have a dog or cat you see often?
When he mentions the mother of his child, mention your pet. Or the spider that lives in the corner of your bathroom shower!

Dannyfanpooch's avatar

I mean I have a child myself but I’ve never felt the need to bring up my ex or anything while I was with him but I guess it’s because he’s not involved and lives in another state, his ex literally lives 5 minutes away from him and they see each other really often.

Dannyfanpooch's avatar

he’s also going out tomorrow with his ex and his 9 year old kid to a theme park, I don’t know, I really don’t, I mean I guess I’m glad he tells me but it honestly doesn’t make me feel any better.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Dannyfanpooch It really depends on if you like him enough to deal with the ex and child and all that comes with that. Even though they aren’t together, they’re probably friends or friendly, for the child. Maybe next time he mentions her, just ask about their relationship and feel him out about her/ it.

rojo's avatar

If you enjoy his company @Dannyfanpooch then enjoy his company with no other commitments or expectations.

My daughter, a single mom, dated a guy several times who was also a single dad. After the first time she met his son she knew that there was no way the two of them would ever be a thing but he was sweet, fun to be with and they had a good time together. They reached an understanding right up front, he was not thrilled but also enjoyed her company so they went on dates, family outings, parties, etc. for three years or so.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther