General Question

sneakypie24's avatar

Is a loveless relationship worth fighting for?

Asked by sneakypie24 (7points) August 22nd, 2008

My husband and I have been having problems for a long time now and I’m not even sure if I’m still in love with him or just used to him…is the relationship worth fighting for anymore?

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7 Answers

jasonjackson's avatar

I don’t think anybody on Fluther can really answer this question for you. We simply can’t know enough about your life and your marriage to give a straight yes/no answer to a question like that.

Maybe we can help you think things through as you come to a decision on your own though.

- How long have you felt this way? A long time (compared to the length of your marriage), or just a short while?

- Do you think your husband feels the same way? Have you talked with him about your feelings?

- Have you and your husband tried counseling or other work on improving your marriage?

Personally, I feel that if you haven’t felt this way for long, and/or you believe your husband is willing to try to improve things with you, then you should try counseling. A counselor will likely have a lot of good suggestions for you, after hearing about your specific problems and circumstances.

(Unless by “having problems” you mean abuse or cheating; in that case, given the way you seem to feel, I’d suggest moving on.)

But you know.. I’m just some guy on the internets; before making a real decision with potential life-long consequences, talking things over with a therapist or at least highly trusted friend might be a good start.

Hope you get things sorted.

Allie's avatar

Since you are actually married and not just dating, I would think about giving it some time to see if everything works itself out.
If nothing changes and you still aren’t in love with him then (I’d hate to say it, but..) it might be time to move on. You have to do what’s right for yourself in your life. If kids are involved weigh the pros and cons of staying together or splitting up.
I also agree with jasonjackson about the time thing. If you’ve only felt this way recently, give it some time and your feelings might change.

cwilbur's avatar

A loveless relationship is not worth fighting for. Whether it’s less work to endure the relationship or to end it is your call to make.

cecildooderbop's avatar

Do you have kids?

wildflower's avatar

What do you want? To be free of this marriage or to have it back to where it used to be?
Think about it. That will give you an answer as to whether to stay or not.

Whichever it is, a relationship based on habit more than desire is not a place to be.

marinelife's avatar

You did not say what steps you have taken to work on your marriage. First, work on things, and then you will know that you tried if you determine it cannot be saved.

I strongly recommend the Harville Hendrix book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition. Even if your partner does not agree to read it, you will get a great deal from it.

You might also decide that counseling would help. Marriage is hard work, but it is worth it.

Best of luck.

Mutable's avatar

If you don’t love him… move on! Life is too short for anything else.

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