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LoadingMedic's avatar

Sibling choices making me upset?

Asked by LoadingMedic (113points) February 26th, 2019

I have two siblings who are just a little bit younger than me. I am twenty-six years old and my sister is 24. My brother is 21 years old.

My sister is currently finishing up her bachelor’s degree in some art field and now applying to get her masters degree in Art Therapy. This is extremely dishearting to me not because she is doing something she loves but rather she is taking all this time she spent in college for a useless degree. I have even asked her numerous amount of times what her plan is to do with the degree and she has no idea. This is extremely scary and nerve-racking for me because I hate seeing someone especially my sister have no plan at all. What is even worse is Art Therapy was ranked in the top ten for worse degrees to attain. It annoys me because my sister is a very smart person and did outstanding in high school. I just can’t seem to grasp or understand how it came to this. She is going to graduate when she is 26–27 years old with a degree that is pointless. The demand for the degree is extremely low and the pay for the degree is horrible. It starts out at like 22–24k a year and the max ranges from 44–55k but that is years and years of working in the field. I hate this because nowadays this is not an income that is liveable on and I know she will be by herself because she just stays inside all day and studies other than going to school. She is very shy and I do not see her ever getting married or finding someone. This makes me very depressed because all I am seeing is a failure when I hate that.

Me personally I am currently pursuing an associate degree in nursing. Then I am planning on doing travel nursing while working towards my BSN and eventually get my masters in NP.

My brother, on the other hand, is pursuing a degree in software developer which is a great field but he is not very determined. All he does is stay inside all day and play video games. He does not currently work. He does not seem like he is taking initiative to get his degree as soon as possible and he is not even looking for apprenticeships. On top of this he literally just went out the other day and bought the new iPhone X for 1,000 dollars. This annoyed me and I could not believe it.

Am I putting way too much on myself and should I just focus on myself? I am extremely worried about my brother and sisters future. I want them to be successful but the way I see it right now I do not believe this will happen. Anyone have similar situations and if so how did you handle? I hate having my parents deal with this.

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14 Answers

seawulf575's avatar

You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. Let me start by saying that your siblings are adults. It is their lives to screw up if that is what they want. But you need to make sure your parents understand they are being (or will likely be) used by your sibs when their choices put them on the streets.
You have told your sibs how you feel. That is about all you can do with it. And to be honest, you don’t know how their lives will end up. I have known people that got garbage degrees and gone on to have great careers in some entirely unrelated field. I have also known people that seemed to be going nowhere and then suddenly woke up one day and really started trying. I have even known people that no matter how bad their decisions are they always come up smelling like roses. Tell your sibs and tell your parents about your worries and then let it go.

zenvelo's avatar

As long as they are not relying on you for financial support, it’s really none of your business and not really even something for you to judge.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Put on your “Big Girl Pants” it is not your place to tell your siblings how to be HAPPY.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Your brother seems at average for 20 year olds by just playing video games. It is their life and they need to learn from their mistakes. As long as you are not supporting them financialy then you don’t have much say. I would recommend a good guidance counselor and leave leave it at that.

Dutchess_III's avatar

They will be OK. The fact that your sister will have a degree will look very, very good. It almost doesn’t even matter what field it’s in. She could probably easily move into a psychological field of some kind, if that’s what she wants. Or she can move into a totally unrelated field. Ofetn times a degree just tells people that you have what it takes to stick something out to the very end.

Your brother needs to have his stuff turned off! Where are your parents?

LoadingMedic's avatar

@zenvelo @Tropical_Willie @RedDeerGuy1

I agree with all of you that it is ultimately not my business and I have to let them make there own choices but at the same time its hard for me because I guess I hate seeing failure and I truly want my family to be successful. The fact that my parents are in the mid-‘50s now and my brother and sister really have no direction in there life really makes me nervous, to be honest. The idea that my brother, if he gets his degree, will be in the house for another 4–5years and my sister will be home for another two years finishing up her masters in a degree that in my view is pretty pointless. I am nervous about how much debt she is possibly racking up for this degree and how the future for this degree is very sad. I was doing some research on the degree lately and there has been nothing but negative remarks being said about it. So now that my sister has no idea what she wants to do with the degree and she won’t be looking for anything for another two years does scare me and makes me hurt inside a bit because I do not want it to end up with her or my brother living at home for the rest of there life’s. That is scary to me and I hate that thought popping inside my head but I can see that is is very realistic. Then I have to worry about my parents hvaing to deal with that because since they had us a bit later in life they are not as young as compared to other parents so when I get closer to 40 I might have to eventually pull my parents in and my siblings. That thought scares me. Not the thought of taking care of my parents but rather how my brother and sister will end up if that makes sense.


She will have a degree but I am not sure if the degree she will get actually looks good. I’ve heard a lot of really negative things about Art Therapy degree’s so I am very nervous about how her situation will end up or if she will be even to find a decent job out of school which honestly I do not think will happen.

I absolutely agree with you that my brother has to have his crap turned off but no one will say anything to him expect me but I am not a parent so I do not intervene like that. My parents are not okay with it and they said to me that within the year when they move to PA, all his gaming will be very minimal and he will need to find a job and focus on school work. Hopefully this will happen.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t understand parents who wind up under the control of their children, in their own houses…

Her degree will help her @LoadingMedic, as long as she doesn’t keep her searches too narrow.

LoadingMedic's avatar


I wouldn’t exactly say the children are under control of the parents. This is not true in our household. My parents currently just sold the house and are not planning on moving to PA within the months once they find a house. My dad if it was not for him focusing on moving, he would be forcing my brother to get a job right now.

For me as an example, I worked since I was sixteen years old. I become a firefighter two years ago and I did not move out until I was sadly 26 years old because my income at the time was not enough to live off of. What I know now would of enabled me to move out when I was 23 but sadly I did not have that knowledge. I was working a full-time job at a fire department. I should have picked up a side job but it never crossed my mind. I would have if I thought of it but I was just so focused on other things at that time.

Now recently my parents are moving to PA and they will be granting me my grandparents house that is mortgage free. I will be living in it on my own and only have to pay for utilities while I focus on my nursing degree. I am currently working as a paramedic/firefighter doing a bridge program for my nursing. Without this house that my parents are granting me, for the time being, I really am not sure where I would have ended up so far. I am extremely grateful for this. At times I feel like a loser for this or a bum but I am using it only for a year or two max to get my nursing degree and then ill do travel nursing for a few years to save some money to put a nice down payment on my own house.

Kardamom's avatar

I’m not sure why you are dismissing your sister’s upcoming degree in art therapy. There are some groups/types of people that can benefit greatly from art therapy including children, people who are non-verbal for a variety of reasons, people with autism, elderly folks, people with PTSD.

You can read more about art therapy here:

And here:

And here:

And here:

You seem to have a very narrow view of success. Success comes in many flavors. Making money certainly can be a measure of success, but so can being a decent, and kind person. So can being happy and comfortable in your own skin, and finding your own place in the world.

jca2's avatar

@LoadingMedic: Do you have anxiety? You seem to be very anxious about something that you really have no control over.

LoadingMedic's avatar


To be honest I am dismissing it due to what I have been reading about it online. All I keep coming across are people complaining about how they achieved this degree but it was a waste of time. Then I read on about how the projected outcome for the field is below average. I understand that there can be some good to the field but I see more negative for the field then I see good.

Success does come in many flavors but I am struggling to see how from this field. Yes, this may make me very narrow-minded but I’ve just seen more people come out failing with liberal arts degrees and art degrees then I have come out successful. I am sorry if this sounding like I am an ass but I just think very highly of my family and I do not want to see failures.


I mean I used to have anxiety when I was younger but I wouldn’t say I have it anymore. If I had to say I did, it would probably be more so with people. In other terms, I hate the thought of people looking at me down or my family. My brother, sister or me becoming failures is a fear of mine and it’s a fear because I do not want to be looked at as a loser from society or friends if that makes sense. For example, I still living with my parents for one more years before I am on my own. I’ll be twenty-six when I officially move out. My parents never had issues with this but I always did because I always felt like a loser or a bum. Especially since I am a fan of the Dave Ramsey show, he has stated multiple times on his show that anybody older than twenty-two years old is considered bums and losers. They need to move out or the parents need to kick them out. After listening to that it has always made me feel like a loser even though I pay for my own food, phone bill, gas, car, etc. I made mistakes in my past which prevented me from moving out and now I am officially getting back on my feet. I just hate that I am this old and still never moved out. It truly makes me feel like a failure and a bum even though I am in paramedic school right now and soon to bridge into my nursing shortly after. I always wanted to be a paramedic and a nurse.

jca2's avatar

@LoadingMedic: Your brother is pursuing a degree and in his free time, he plays video games. Your sister is also pursuing a degree and then going for her Masters. You have them both written off as unsuccessful before they even get out of school. Give them time to get their schooling and get jobs before you make a determination.

Dutchess_III's avatar

And really…try not to worry so much. It’s time to cut the apron strings.
If you think siblings are stressful, wait until you have children of your own.

Kardamom's avatar

@LoadingMedic You need to change your attitude, and your perspective. I see you leading a lonely, anxiety riddled life if you don’t.

You definitely seem to be suffering from severe anxiety, that could probably be treated. I would suggest that you seek therapy.

If you don’t chill out, you are going to make yourself sick and crazy.

Also, think about if YOU were the one being judged as not good enough, and unacceptable. That is what you are doing to your siblings. When people get treated like that, they tend to walk away from people who treat them that way. If you ever want to have a warm, equal adult relationship with your siblings, you need to change your attitude and your perspective. Therapy can help you do that.

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