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SergeantQueen's avatar

If you could get a billion dollars just by starting a huge argument during your family's Thanksgiving (or any holiday) dinner, how would you do it?

Asked by SergeantQueen (9113points) 2 months ago

Any holiday that you celebrate, or maybe not even a holiday at all, just a family gathering. Inspired by a question I saw on Reddit (I’ll try to link it here if I can)

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33 Answers

Dutchess_lll's avatar

If I could be given a billion dollars to start a huge argument during a dinner, well hell yes I would! Arguments can be forgiven, especially after paying off every family member’s house and all their debts and explaining.

SergeantQueen's avatar

Ohhhh, I was asking how you would do it! I would probably just tell my parents I hate Trump and am voting Democrat and that would start World War III

SergeantQueen's avatar

Or asking my sister who won’t vaccinate her children, “Have you figured out the kind of coffin you’re going to buy yet? Got any flower arrangements?”

Dutchess_lll's avatar

Oh! You mean what would I do to start an argument? Way too easy. Kinda like your family. I know where their buttons are.
Sorry your sister and family are….idiots.

SergeantQueen's avatar

No, I don’t take that badly. they are sort of…crazy

Dutchess_lll's avatar

So are mine!

Darth_Algar's avatar

“I got a lot of problems with you people. And now you’re gonna hear about them!”

anniereborn's avatar

“sister(name left out to protect the guilty), you should not have gone on a vacation the week mom died”

SergeantQueen's avatar

Somebody on Reddit commented “This is my new black girlfriend. She is Muslim and is here on an asylum application.” And I cannot think of anything else that would start a bigger argument than this one.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

No fucking shit @anniereborn?? That’s horrible…

Patty_Melt's avatar

Hi everybody! Since I haven’t seen any of you for at least twenty four years, let me introduce myself. ___________
I know I wasn’t invited, but I just had to stop by and have some free food.
I see you’re not dead yet mom, so I’ll just make a couple of turkey sandwiches, and be on my way.

filmfann's avatar

Well duh. Trump.

If I had to start an argument with my kids, I would state that I oppose immigration (which isn’t true). My sons in law were born in Poland and Argentina. My daughter in law was born in New York, but both her parents were born in Korea.

Jonsblond's avatar

I love this question but it’s a tough one for me to answer since I’m estranged from my siblings and my husband is estranged from his sister. Our family gatherings now consist of only our children and my father and we all agree about most everything.

Damn, I sound boring and full of issues. ;)

Dutchess_lll's avatar


If you weren’t so batshit crazy and reactive and didn’t react like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum yourself when you lose your temper with your 2 year old in the afternoon because you can’t figure out how to get him to take a nap every day as part of his schedule, so he winds up so cranky and unhappy at about 3:00 pm, then you might become a normal person.

anniereborn's avatar

@Dutchess_lll Yes it is. She doesn’t really know it, but, I will never forgive her for that. She had already paid for it all, so she decided to go. Nice, huh?

SavoirFaire's avatar

My family will argue over anything, often just for fun. If everyone seems to be on the same side, someone will flip to the other side just to keep things going. So all I’d have to do is offer up any opinion at all followed by “please discuss.”

But if it has to be a rancorous argument, then the easiest way is to bring up THE TOPIC THAT MUST NOT BE DISCUSSED: whether or not my eldest cousin should have had kids with her ex-husband. That was an interesting funeral.

And for the record, she absolutely should not have.

Darth_Algar's avatar

“Sister, time to put down the meth pipe and get your shit together. Also, you’re almost 50 years-old, fucking act like it. The “I’m perpetually 16” bit got tiresome decades ago.”

ucme's avatar

So, who ate the salmon mousse?

JLeslie's avatar

With my parents it’s really easy for a fight to break out, although typically we don’t fight at a holiday dinner. If I wanted to ensure a fight I’d probably have to lie. Here are some things that aren’t true, but my parents would not be able to contain themselves:

If I said I’m voting for Trump it would start an argument.

My husband is going to quit his job. My parents would freak out.

Actually, back to Trump, if I just say the Democrats are going about thing wrong to get rid of Trump, which I do believe and have fought with my parents before, that would be enough.

With my husband’s family I’d just have to say to my SIL that I didn’t understand something she said, or disagree with anything she is saying at the table. She talks a lot (I don’t mind that she talks, I do too) but she likes to be right. The only problem with fighting with her is if the fight is bad enough she won’t talk to me for 5 years or more.

tedibear's avatar

It would have to happen at my niece’s birthday, as my sister-in-law’s parents would be there. I would deny the existence of God and call the Catholic church a horrible institution. They would lose their minds.

LadyMarissa's avatar

Having NO family left, I wouldn’t be willing to pick a fight; however, I would be willing to give the billion for one last time with those who passed before me!!!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I’d go straight to a fist fight with my sister. Why waste time with mere words. Lol!

janbb's avatar

Probably by announcing I was a born again Christian stumping for Trump.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I would start by announcing that I have started to become Muslim, divorcing my husband, and plan to be an Isis bride.

kritiper's avatar

Bring up all the bitches everyone had about everyone else while growing up. Laugh about it! Rub everyone’s nose in everything and just KEEP RUBBING IT IN! Don’t stop! But be prepared to get your own nose rubbed in it, too, but laugh it off. Keep the turkey and that sharp knife next to your plate, just in case!

Vignette's avatar

I would simply declare I was mom’s favorite all along.

NoMoreY_Aagain's avatar

Hell I do it for free every year. I can actually get paid for that?

NoMoreY_Aagain's avatar

Well I’m out of the buttinski business anyway. Now my daughter is down on me because I don’t approve of her divorce. Too late now but, live and learn I suppose.

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