Social Question

furious_rose's avatar

Is it rude to not open a gift in front of the person who gave it to you?

Asked by furious_rose (433points) 2 weeks ago

I literally spent WEEKS researching the perfect gift for my friend, and I finally bought something that I thought was absolutely perfect. I was so excited to give it to him and see his face when he opened it. But when I went to his house and gave it to him, he put it aside and didn’t open it. I thought that maybe he didn’t want to open it in front of an audience (he had another friend there), so when I was about to leave, I asked him if I could take it and bring it back at a better time. He told me I was being immature, and that I couldn’t just give someone a gift and then take it back. I thought he would pick up on how I was feeling hurt by his reaction, but obviously he didn’t. So I was wondering, it is rude of him to not open it in front of me? Was I being immature by wanting to see his reaction? Should I just get over it and pretend like it didn’t hurt me? I hate feeling like this!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

ucme's avatar

Based only on what you say here, because that’s all I can do, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to not wanting to open it with his mate there.

However, not picking up on your eagerness to have it delivered & then opened some more convenient time marks him out as a bit of a prick if I’m honest.

You’re perfectly entitled to gain reward for seeing his reaction & he blew that out of the water, not cool.

canidmajor's avatar

Well, he was a bit rude calling you immature, but not for waiting to open it. Sometimes it’s considered rude not to wait.
And really, then the pressure is on the receiver to react in a way that they think you want to see.

It’s lovely to give someone a gift, as long as it doesn’t put a burden on them to please you.

chyna's avatar

He should have opened it while you were there. I probably would have handled it differently. As soon as the mate left, I would have picked up the present and excitedly said open it now! I hope you like it!

furious_rose's avatar

Unfortunately, his friend stayed there after I left, or that would have been a great idea!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I agree with @canidmajor
He did call to thank you though, right?

flo's avatar

Ask people you want to give gifts to from now on “Are you going to open it if I give you a gift?” If they say “No” you don’t get them a gift.

janbb's avatar

I don’t see this as a right or wrong situation. Some people open them right away and some prefer to wait. I would probably be disappointed like you though if they didn’t open it while I was there.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Maybe he thought that it was a very personal gift and didn’t want to get embarrassed in front of his friend?
Or maybe he wanted to be affectionate with you but NOT in front of his friend?
Who knows people have different reasons all are legitimate.
If you wanted him to open it then, you should had told him when you gave it to him.

Patty_Melt's avatar

If it were at a gathering, a party, it is usually known whether the gifts will be opened in front of everyone.

Since you just popped by unannounced, his reaction is going to be whatever feels right to him. What your own expectations were don’t really matter.
However, as lucielle X3 pointed out, it would be rude for him to not thank you later, when he opens it.

flo's avatar

Maybe the gift could be the exact opposite of what he/she wanted needed, like acohol for an addict who’s been trying to quit. So, maybe he thought it might be one of those things maybe from experience.

chyna's avatar

@patty_melt I don’t see where she says she popped in unannounced.

furious_rose's avatar

To clear up any confusion, I didn’t show up unannounced; he knew I was going to come by and that I was bringing his birthday gift. I think I was pretty “spot on” insofar as my knowing it was the perfect gift, too, so it wouldn’t be anything inappropriate like alcohol for an addict, etc. For the past year, I made a mental note of things he had his eye on, and I got him those things.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@furious_rose -You are very considerate. My husband does the same thing so I have to watch what I say.LOL

Sagacious's avatar

Nope. There are a number of reasons someone doesn’t open a gift in front of the giver. The spirit of giving doesn’t include the giver getting to watch the recipient’s reaction to a gift.

KNOWITALL's avatar

As a southern girl, I think it was hella rude. He tells the friend he’ll be right back. Go to a porch or something, open gift, appreciate it, hug and thank you. 10 minutes of his life. You were thoughtful and he’s no gentleman imo.

Sounds like a million guys I know, clueless.

jca2's avatar

Maybe he didn’t want to embarrass the friend because the friend hadn’t gotten him a gift. I know when one of my friends gets me a gift and the other one doesn’t, I feel like I don’t want to open the gift in front of everyone because I don’t want the one who didn’t give a gift to feel bad.

I dislike opening gifts in front of people, except at Christmas. For my birthday, some friends take me out and when we’re sitting at the dinner table in the restaurant, they want me to open the gifts. I feel like it just makes a big mess with wrapping paper and it obligates me to go through the whole charade of being thrilled with the gifts. Yes I am grateful to be given gifts but I don’t necessarily want to make a spectacle of opening them in front of everyone.

Since most people always say when you give someone a gift, you no longer controlitt so the recipient can do what they want with it (put it on a shelf, regift it, let the dog lay on it, etc.), I don’t see why the opening of the gift is under the giver’s control either.

furious_rose's avatar

I gave him the gift last night, and despite texting him an embarrassingly excessive amount of times asking him if he liked it today, I got no response. I think this feels worse than not being able to see him open the gift. :/

jca2's avatar

Sometimes it helps to back off. Maybe he went to sleep or something, @furious_rose.

jca2's avatar

BTW, @furious_rose, what was the gift?

KNOWITALL's avatar

@furious Not to be rude, but are you guys hooking up or did you? You cant fall in love when its just a booty call. I’ve seen it a million times, the girls always get hurt. Be careful.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther