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raum's avatar

Did your parents treat you better, the same or worse than your siblings?

Asked by raum (7851points) 1 month ago from iPhone

(For jellies that had siblings.)

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11 Answers

canidmajor's avatar

There were three of us, and only one Golden Child (not me). I estranged myself from my mother 5 years ago.
My Dad treated us all pretty equally, while respecting our differences in personality and interests.

JLeslie's avatar

I think my parents tried to treat us equally. I felt like my mom especially was equal, but I did perceive her as more attached to my younger sister, but as an adult I think that was a function of my sister being younger more than anything. The baby needed more help, and even I thought she was cute like a doll and used to throw her around and make her giggle.

My dad was more worried about my sister for various reasons and that came across to her as him not loving her as much, and she still feels like I was the golden child and she was the one picked up on. Unfortunately, some people have reinforced this idea by affirming there is “always one” that is abused. As I said above, she was the youngest, so it is no surprise she was more bonded with my mom when we were very young and I was with my dad, I think that happens a lot because of birth order.

Drives me crazy. She is sure she gets less money from them, total bullshit, and that my dad doesn’t like her, also total bullshit. When I say money I mean for weddings, birthdays, gifts. Neither us are supported by my parents in any way.

Inspired_2write's avatar

The males were treated much better as all hopes were on them , I assume?

I suppose my older parents had old ideas of what a women can do in life on her own as the only option that they saw was marriage???

Other than that we were treated as a mistake on there part.

Demosthenes's avatar

I was treated about the same. It’s clear that I’m the most “unorthodox” of my siblings (they’re straight, they have full-time jobs, they’re married or about to be married—none of those apply to me). But I’ve never been treated poorly for it. If my parents have a favorite, they do a good job of not showing it.

LadyMarissa's avatar

My Mom tried to treat us both the same but dad preferred his son!!!Then again, my brother was a hell raiser who worked hard at getting in trouble. Even when he got away with his hijinks, he’d tell on himself just so he could get punished. I was a pretty good kid because I didn’t enjoy being punished. I was far from perfect; but compared to my brother, I was an angel. Mom said that IF I asked for something & she was busy that I’d go to my room to play & that would be the last she’d hear from me. My brother would ask every 2 seconds until he got what he wanted. IF you ask my brother today who was the favorite kid, he’d point to me. It wasn’t that I was the favorite, it was just that I was the easier of the 2 to deal with & it made their life easier. I definitely don’t think my brother was the favorite, but I would have NEVER gotten away with the shit that he got away with!!!

raum's avatar

My relationship with my parents is odd.

They probably treat me better than my siblings. Yet at the same time, my mom has admitted to loving my other siblings more because they need more love.

I was an easy and well-behaved kid. Didn’t give them grief the way my other siblings did. My mom said my siblings needed her more.

Understood that my other siblings needed more support. But never quite understood the…fairness(?) of being a good kid meant you are loved less.

raum's avatar

It’s interesting to read about all of your family dynamics. Thank you for sharing.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@raum I think you misunderstood your Mom!!! I don’t think that she was saying that she loved your siblings more because they needed more love. I think that she was saying that she showed them more love because they required it. Bet you were the good kid who didn’t require a lot of punishment where your siblings stayed in trouble & tested the patience of any parent daily. She had to forgive them a lot where you didn’t need her forgiveness…you were easy to love where your Mom didn’t even like them some days & had to work at loving them!!!

raum's avatar

@LadyMarissa You are very sweet. Though no misunderstandings here. This wasn’t an assumption from a casual remark. My mother and I actually had a very long in-depth conversation about this. I’m not angry about it. I do believe she has the best intentions for her children. Just a little sad. And made a promise to myself to not do the same. Despite her saying that I would understand once I have children of my own.

canidmajor's avatar

@raum It is amazing how much we learn about parenting from our own parents, often lessons they never intended to teach. My mother created a very comprehensive template For my sister and I, a clearly defined plan of What Not To Do. As a result, we both enjoy very loving relationships with our children, all of whom are now grown.

raum's avatar

Yup. Have definitely learned many What Not To Do lessons over the years. :/

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