Social Question

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

How long did it take you to get over your grief?

Asked by RedDeerGuy1 (24159points) December 20th, 2021

From any loss?
Death, break up, getting fired, anything?

What are you still grieving over?

It took me 22 years to get over my loss of my social circle in university. I am still slightly grieving over failing out of university.


Humor and serious answers welcome.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

17 Answers

kritiper's avatar

Six months, generally speaking.

cookieman's avatar

I’ve had so many losses over the years, I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten past them. Shortly after I feel better about one, there’s another.

At one point, we had at least one death a year for seven years. A few of them too young and one suicide. The grief just snowballs.

Jons_Blond's avatar

You don’t. You just learn to cope.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

With a good therapist and daily meditation, it took about 8 or 9 months to feel like it was past.

JLoon's avatar

I am the grief.

But they all get over me…after 10 or 11 drinks.

filmfann's avatar

My Dad died 38 years ago.
My Mom passed 16 years ago.
These still weigh heavily on me.

anniereborn's avatar

My father died 40 years ago.
My mom died 3 years ago
My sister died 3 years ago
It’s been almost 8 months since my husband Jeff (darth_algar) died

They all still hurt, I still cry over them from time to time.

My grief over Jeff is still quite painful.
Whenever I move out of our place I will be grieving it too

ETA: I forgot about my divorce That was 23 years ago. It still pains me from time to time.

I have coped with psych meds, therapy, support of family and friends and my dear sweet pets have helped me so much through the years.

rebbel's avatar

I’m still (less raw) grieving over my brother-in-law, who ended his life, August 2015.
That was the strongest pain I’ve ever felt (closely followed by my first girlfriend and I splitting, in 2000).

janbb's avatar

I haven’t got over my grief, particularly the most recent. But I have incorporated it so it is not the totality of who I am or how I live. It can come up in waves sometimes and I have to ride it out. Certainly getting busy and doing things with friends helps.

KNOWITALL's avatar

For me a year or so to get over the initial shock but some losses are very deep. Losing my grands was very hard for me as we were extremely close.

Forever_Free's avatar

Varied. Anywhere from 2 minutes to not at all.

smudges's avatar

I’ll get back to you when I’ve gotten over a few.

I suspect that @Jonsblond‘s right.

jca2's avatar

My mom died five years ago and I still think about her every day. I wouldn’t say I’m grieving, as I’m not grief stricken, but I do think about her.

What is the definition of “getting over your grief?” Not crying every day? Being able to discuss it without crying?

smudges's avatar

@jca2 What is the definition of “getting over your grief?”

Excellent question. I’ve asked that frequently in therapy over the years. “How do I know if I’m over something – like pain?”

I came up with my own answer; I don’t know if it’s a good one, but it makes sense to me:

When you cut your arm fairly severely, it goes through a healing process. In the beginning it’s tender and raw. At some point there’s a scab. If it gets removed before it’s ready, it’s still attached and hurts. It’s tender again, but not quite as much. Eventually it heals and leaves a scar. When you look at the scar and think about how it happened, you can remember how much pain you were in. The scar reminds you of the pain and you may wince at the remembrance, but it doesn’t cause physical pain again.

I view emotional healing similarly, except sometimes the pain lingers for years. Sometimes the wound never fully scars over. I tell myself, “That’s ok. My body and mind are doing what they’re supposed to do. It’s not fun, but I’m getting there.”

jca2's avatar

@smudges: Sometimes I can talk about my mother’s death in a matter of fact way, and keep myself emotionally distant. “My mother died about five years ago,” or “my mother died of breast cancer.” Other times, if I have a discussion with someone about it, or about a friend’s husband’s recent cancer diagnosis or something like that, I will still cry. It’s now somewhat predictable as sometimes I keep myself emotionally distant and other times I open up. I tend to be a cryer, though. Some of my friends I never see cry.

smudges's avatar

Oh gosh @jca2! I’m exactly the same way, so much so that I worried for a while that therapy wouldn’t do me any good because I was just going in and relating my traumas as if they were simply stories I’d read. And yes, I’m also a big cryer. Maybe some of it has to do with hormones – I’ve heard they can have the effect of making one more sensitive. Sometimes I find myself going from one animal to the next in my memory and crying and apologizing even if I have nothing to apologize for, even my gerbil when I was 12! I think we always wish we had done more, whether it’s an animal or a person who died.

Just wanted to let you know that I identify with you. <3

Here’s a quote I love:

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. :::Washington Irving

malcomkade's avatar

There are a few different ways to get over grief, it just depends on the person. Heres a list of a few things that have helped me. Meditation, religion, talking to close friends, throwing rocks at cows, spending time with family, heroin, the movie My Cousin Vinny, paying a sex worker to step on your throat, Lawrys seasoned salt, tennis, and of course relishing in the misery of others.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther