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freguarUK's avatar

Is it possible to forgive adultery simply because he/she is “never gonna dance again”?

Asked by freguarUK (348points) 1 month ago

The chorus of the song ‘Careless Whisper’ goes:

“Should’ve known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’ve been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you.”

Which leaves me wondering, do you think it would be possible to forgive a romantic betrayal, if the person said something like this? Would it depend on what the betrayal was, and/or how they expressed their regret, or what they said about the future?

(question improved by @Zaku)

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14 Answers

RayaHope's avatar

I don’t think I could possibly forgive someone for cheating on me. I can only hope that never happens. If he really loves me he would have no reason to cheat. I couldn’t possibly cheat on my love no matter what. I don’t know how others do that unless they never truly loved their significant other at all.

freguarUK's avatar

@RayaHope. Yes, Maybe. The lyrics ends with the words:
“Now that you’ve gone
Was what I did so wrong,
So wrong that you had to leave me alone?”
Like I said I understand but Life is strange.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@RayaHope I hate to tell you that when men cheat it has nothing to do with how they feel about you. Sometimes the “reason” is simply that the opportunity presented itself.

RayaHope's avatar

@Dutchess_III I just don’t understand ” the opportunity presented itself ” How could a man cheat on me if he really loves me? I could never do that, it doesn’t make any sense.

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

Agreed @RayaHope Been there done that. I’m no ladies man but I have had several opportunities over the years to cheat on my wife. Never have never will. Other guys want to do that break a leg. I never have and never will. And I’m not talking about actively chasing women, they came on to me in each case. Lord I could tell some stories. I have known some dudes that pulled that crap then wanted a pity party when their woman left. No sympathy from me Sparky. I’m no puritan hedge priest but you should have thought about that pal.

RayaHope's avatar

@Nomore_Tantrums You are a kind and loving man, your wife is lucky to have you :)

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

@RayaHope Well I don’t know about all that, she may beg to differ. Lol But thanks for the compliment !

Dutchess_III's avatar

@RayaHope I don’t understand it either. Some guys, like @Nomore_Tantrums, decline. Others, like my ex, thought it was flattering and made him a MAN!

RayaHope's avatar

@Dutchess_III I just don’t get why would a man think that makes him a man to cheat on his wife or gf? I mean then he is no better than a wild animal and has no real love for his SO.

freguarUK's avatar

@RayaHope. Perhaps you don’t know much about classical American psychology. You should watch Desperate Housewives. Tom Scavo followed the same logic when he cheated on Lynette. And they were considered the strongest couple.

kritiper's avatar

Not in my book!

raum's avatar

A few of our friends have gone through divorce. Sometimes it was because someone cheated. Other times, the relationship dissolved without anyone cheating on anyone. And there are times when the cheating is incidental and there are bigger issues that are the reason.

I’ve thought about this a bit. And I think it tends to break down into five reasons (that I’ve noticed).

One, genuine connection with another person other than your spouse. With some reason as to why they’re hesitant to be straightforward with their spouse about it.

Two, identity crisis or self-esteem issues. Being wanted by someone other than your spouse provides some kind of validation.

Three, impulse control. Sometimes a character flaw. Sometimes they’re dealing with mental health issues that affects impulse control.

Four, addiction or depression. Depression has some overlap with self-esteem issues. But the distinction for this category is that they’re in a spiral. The cheating is incidental.

Five, they greatly dislike their spouse. Or angry at them for some reason. Cheating is a way to get back at them.

That said, understanding people’s motivation for cheating doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. It’s sad to watch your friends go through this. :/

raum's avatar

Whoops, I totally forgot to answer the actual question.

The reasons for why people cheat can affect whether their partner is able to forgive them.

Dutchess_III's avatar

The shock when I realized what was going on was horrible.

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