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vimead1's avatar

My mom took her life yesterday, I'm so confused.

Asked by vimead1 (593points) 1 month ago

Yesterday my mother took her life via a WWII rifle my grandpa had hidden in the basement. I have 2 other siblings, my older sister (age 19), my younger brother (age 10) and me (age 14). This morning my dad told us and I was distraught, im so confused and upset. What was going through her head? Didn’t she stop to rethink her decision, that me and my siblings would have been destroyed if she followed through? Every time I get upset I go to call her but I realize that shes gone and I cant, I miss my mommy so much. Why did she do this?

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16 Answers

vimead1's avatar

By the way i accidentally posted this to the general section. I meant to post this to the social section.

Pandora's avatar

My God, I am so sorry to hear this. The truth is she wasn’t thinking. Mental illness makes it hard for someone in her condition to fully comprehend what is happening to her. I mean. She was in so much pain internally that she just wanted to make the pain go away. It’s selfish but at the same time, I don’t think they can really see it that way.
Think of it as when an animal is trapped. It can struggle in the trap until it actually causes its death. Fear motivates it to try to escape but it doesn’t stop to think it may do more harm to itself. I think people who commit suicide fear life or mental struggles have trapped them and they must escape. They can’t think of people outside themselves at the moment.

Please do not think this was your fault somehow or that you could’ve prevented this. This was never in your power to prevent. I knew a lady years ago who tried to commit suicide after she found out her son was being abused. She truly loved her children but felt she was such a horrible mom for not seeing this and thought they would be better without her. Luckily she asked me to check on her kids in the morning and she sounded odd so I went there right away and found she had taken pills.
Parents aren’t perfect and sometimes they put way too much pressure on themselves to be perfect. Now, she saw this as a solution because her dad committed suicide. It seems to be the gift that keeps giving for generations. Be sure you break that chain. Don’t leave that legacy for your children down the road.
Do you know if she ever had anyone close to her commit suicide?

vimead1's avatar

@Pandora i dont think anyone close to her ever commited suicide

Inspired_2write's avatar

I am so sorry that you and your siblings have to go through this tramatic event . MY prayers go out to you and your family at this time..
Grieving will take time and here is a link to expalin that.
I hope that your father is getting the supports available for you and your siblings.

JLeslie's avatar

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry to hear this. You must be in a state of shock.

Reach out for help if you feel overwhelmed by the grief. A relative or your school counselor might be able to help you find someone to talk to if you feel you need to speak to a therapist, or their might groups for children who lost a parent to suicide.

Do you have relatives who live close by to help your family?

Feel free to write on your Q if you need jellies to just listen to your thoughts and feelings. I guess for the next few weeks you’ll be caught up dealing with the funeral, and neighbors and friends checking on you and your family, and trying to help. Then eventually all that attention and whirlwind tapers off.

So sorry again. Heartbreaking to hear you are going through this.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

This is just devastating to read! It makes my heart sick. You have my deepest condolences.

Suicide is the result of a complete loss of hope. I am so very sorry to think your mother was at such a loss.

This was not your fault. You were a good child to your mother. You did everything right.

In the coming days and weeks, you are going to be very sad. Don’t fight it. Give it its space and time. Be sad. You have every right to be sad. I promise as the weeks turn into months, the sadness will find its right place in your heart. Your heart will grow, and the sadness will not engulf it. I promise relief will come.

RayaHope's avatar

Oh my God, I am mortified for you. This is such a shock, I wish I could HUG you and tell you it will be better. But you will not feel better for a long time and I am sickened by this news. I know you are devastated and you will need to grieve as well as your siblings. I am in tears reading this and my stomach is in knots. So sorry this happened. I may not be much help but if you ever want to PM (message me) please do. Your mom must have been under far too much stress, I wish she would have told someone and gotten help. Oh I can’t imagine

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RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I am so very sorry for your loss. It was her choice, and anything we say would be a cliché or platitude. It isn’t your fault, and will drive one insane trying to guess why someone kills themselves. I have attempted suicide before, and It was a relief to me when I attempted it. I got a rush of relief that washed over me. It was a release of pent up wants to all the burdens that I wanted to be free of. From it I learned how not to live my life, and I started skipping university and focused on what I really wanted, (Which was not to go to school just because I thought it was the next step in my life.)

I didn’t know that I was anorexic, had Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I.B.S. , and schizophrenia. Getting a good diagnosis removed the pain of living and I stopped most of my self harm.

I suggest asking your school counselor for help. It should be free. They can help you understand and grieve in your own unique way.

LostInParadise's avatar

I am guessing that you and your family had no idea that your mother was contemplating suicide. What an awful shock that must have been. Telling your story here is a good first step in your healing process. You have our sympathy. Feel free to follow up on this post.

janbb's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 Beautifully written and such honest sharing. Great response.

@vimead1 I am so, so sorry. Hope you have some loving support around you.

seawulf575's avatar

My father took his own life, but I was older…an adult. It is a confusing time. But what I came to realize was that my dad was at a point where he saw no hope in life. I don’t know what your mother was going through that brought her to this point, but I suspect she saw this as the best path for everyone. Not saying it was, but that she saw it that way.

When someone gets to the point that they are taking their own life, they usually aren’t thinking clearly. Life has gotten to a point where it is almost painful for them because they are so depressed.

Please don’t feel you are responsible. Please don’t dwell on the thoughts of “what could I have done to stop this?”. The answer to that is “nothing”. When my dad took his life I realized how he might have felt life piling up on him. I just prayed he found the peace he was missing in life.

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YARNLADY's avatar

According to your previous question, she left you over 10 years ago, so you could try using some of the same techniques you used when coping with that.

kruger_d's avatar

Oh, dear, I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember she loves you and knows you loved her, but sometimes people hurt so much that they are blinded. These weeks and months will be hard, but please be open to the people who want to care for you. Take time to think about what you need and express that to your family and friends. God bless you and yours.

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