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JLeslie's avatar

Did religious differences cause problems in your marriage?

Asked by JLeslie (63081points) 1 month ago from iPhone

What were the differences?

How did the problems manifest and how did you resolve them if you were able to resolve them.

In retrospect do you think it would have been better to marry someone more similar to you regarding religion?

Did you start out similarly, and one of you changed significantly in your beliefs and practice?

Were the differences a problem regarding child rearing?

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13 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Only when I was a teenager. I “dated” a girl from Louisiana. This was in Oregon by the way, where black people from Seattle and Portland are much different than black people from Louisiana.

I made the mistake of telling her I was an atheist and she flipped out and said I was going to hell, blah blah blah.

Don’t ever tell a southern person you don’t believe in perfect white colonizer Jesus. They can’t handle it.

We broke up shortly after that, obviously. She probably didn’t look at me the same, and I her.

Nomore_Tantrums's avatar

No. I.was agnostic and she knew it. She was / is Southern Baptist and I knew it. I’d go to church with her sometimes anyway because it made her happy. When you love someone you make concessions sometimes. It was never an issue between us.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Not with my ex-wife, but with my ex-mother-in-law. We divorced for other reasons (she thought the grass was greener on the other side) but not religion.

My ex-MIL didn’t like that I was Jewish – it meant that I couldn’t go to the various country clubs with them in South Florida – the ones that (still!) don’t let Jews in. Status was a really big thing to her, and having her daughter marry a Jewish guy was not kosher (humor intended).

I brought up the kids to think for themselves. One married a Baptist guy and they went to church for a while, not any more, One is perfectly happy to live without religion.

Call_Me_Jay's avatar

Not for me. I was nominally raised Christian but effectively without religion, and my wife was what I would call culturally Jewish (as opposed to devout?) Jewish. I loved the Jewish holidays and the food was fantastic. Our young nieces treated me as a curiosity who needed schooling in what they learned in schul.

Our marriage was a mistake (but not a disaster, thank goodness), and I have wonderful fond memories of my time in a Jewish family.

Blackberry's avatar

@elbanditoroso
That’s really odd, sorry to hear.
I would expect a country club to not accept African Americans, but not jewish people. That’s some deep hate. Jewish people are still lighter skinned and can at least look the part and fit in lol.

JLeslie's avatar

@Blackberry Plenty of clubs in the South didn’t allow Jews. I’m not sure which club @elbanditoroso is referring to in South Florida. 50 years ago Jews couldn’t stay at the Boca Raton Resort or be a member of the beach club there, but that’s long since changed, the Jews have practically taken over Boca Raton. Lol.

Palm Beach was very WASPy also, but last statistic I saw about fifteen years ago was 30% of the houses being sold on Palm Beach at that time were to Jews, I don’t know if that was accurate. So, I’d doubt the club there can still keep the Jews out, but maybe. Let’s see if he tells us which clubs. Just north of Palm Beach it gets very Evangelical.

I keep trying to tell Black people Jewish people really do have an inkling about what it’s like to be hated, oppressed, murdered, afraid, but so many Black people just see us as white. I don’t think of you like that at all, I always think of you as very open to listening to the experience of other people, obviously you listened to @elbanditoroso, you commented on what he wrote, but I’m talking in general. I’m not trying to compete with the Black experience, I’m only saying I can have empathy for many parts of it.

Regarding your answer, I usually refrain from saying Black people from the South are not the same as other parts of the country, because I think people will think I’m being racist. Of course, it’s not every Southern Black person is the same. Like you said at least part of it is the religion (that’s true with white people too) and also I think part of it is the history in the South and the continued inequities. I also am more on edge in the South that when I meet a Black person they are making assumptions about me. I don’t feel that way in other parts of the country.

Forever_Free's avatar

Not in the least. Mental Health issues far outweigh religious differences.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I remember the name, @JLeslie and it is/was in Palm Beach. But I’m not going to mention it here, on the off chance that they changed their policies in the last decade or two.

Blackberry's avatar

@JLeslie
Yea I know you know me. My experience with the internet has taught me Jewish people and black people are the most hated.

“Give a man a mask, and he’ll reveal his true self.”

It seems this is mainly a religious/status/culture issue. I was under the impression rich people loved money regardless of where it came from.

I’m not going to post the link out of respect, but there was some new footage released of people using bulldozers and heavy machinery to dig mass graves in the aftermath of 1945.

I was having fun, listening to music and dancing, making prep meals for the week, and it totally stopped me in my tracks.

People should know the atrocities are still alive and well.
Coincidentally, racist people always hate Jewish people and black people the most (it seems).

Brian1946's avatar

@Blackberry

“Coincidentally, racist people always hate Jewish people and black people the most (it seems).”

I agree, and I would add LGBTQ people to that list.

Sometime before I joined, a user named Qingu had an extended debate with an ex-jelly who was a Holocaust denier.

JLeslie's avatar

I miss Qingu! Wow, I miss so many jellies from when I first joined.

@Blackberry There are examples in history where Jews were “tolerated” because they were good at business or a token Jew might be in an exclusive club you usually wouldn’t see Jews, and often it was because they were rich. Letting Jews into clubs is more recent though, maybe the last 40–60 years that had started changing.

Jews had hotel guides, similar to the Green Book, for where Jews were welcome. No Blacks allowed was more blatant and there was a real separation, but Jews knew where they were not welcome, and maybe they could get away with staying, but the feeling generally would be why push your luck and why stay where you aren’t wanted. Here’s an article about it https://forward.com/culture/320684/where-we-found-respite-from-discrimination/?amp=1

Growing up I used to vacation in the very Jewish lodges and resorts in the Catskills in the summer. The movie Dirty Dancing is based off of the places we used to stay. They weren’t fancy, often fairly barren rooms, but had a swimming pool, tennis, dancing, movie nights, and fresh air.

Going way back in history, it was either the 1600’s or 1700’s (I’m not good with dates) the Dutch in New York allowed Jews from Latin America to settle in New Amsterdam (NY) because of their business skills and I guess the Jewish people were perceived as having integrity so the Dutch were ok with them settling here. The back story is the Jews had gone from the Iberian peninsula to England (remember the inquisition) and still encountered quite a bit of antisemitism and then traveled to South America, some had gone directly from Portugal or Spain to South America. Later small groups came up to what is now the USA.

Blackberry's avatar

@JLeslie
A great read, thank you!

JLeslie's avatar

You’re welcome. :). Thanks for the interest.

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