Social Question

mazingerz88's avatar

How did you find true friends you trust enough to show your true nature to that are not from your elementary, high-school and college days?

Asked by mazingerz88 (28696points) October 11th, 2022 from iPhone

As asked. Thanks.

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10 Answers

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well…they have to.come after me.

Jeruba's avatar

What an interesting question. GQ. The way you framed it adds dimensions to the basic query. Thanks for sharing it.

Beyond casual acquaintances, two of my best friends were people I met at work. We got to know each other gradually over time—months, years—mainly through lunchtime conversations, and later through interactions outside the workplace. It always takes me a long time to get past the safe surface stuff. By now we go back thirty years or more.

Several more were people I met through social groups and support groups. In particular, doing volunteer work for a voluntary association was a way to connect, as well as supplying some common ground. Working alongside someone takes a lot of social pressure off, and again, you can take your time about it.

In the case of support groups, by their nature they have you revealing a lot of inner stuff, usually not pretty, and you have to extend your trust before you can say anything. It’s a different dynamic and can be a bit scary, but it does clear away a lot of obstacles.

JLeslie's avatar

Zumba class. Most of my friends whom I’ve met on the last 15 years I’ve met in zumba class. Over time I’ve become very close with two of them, and another couple of them I also feel I can be my real self, because I know they are similar to me on so many things. The two I’m the closest to I can disagree with them and I can tell them my problems without feeling judged.

It should be said that I don’t put on airs much, mostly what you see is what you get, and I’m fairly open with my thoughts and feelings, but really being able to confide in someone and feel supported and not judged and even loved (I love my best friends) takes time to cultivate.

janbb's avatar

Some through shared parenting experiences, more recently, a number through a singles walking group and others through my Unitarian congregation. And yes, some from work in the past. Another has remained from group therapy I was in years ago. I’m a pretty open person so it doesn’t take me too long to reveal myself. In fact, I have to hold back at times and understand it’s not time to reveal so much.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I am just me…what you see is what you get. The person you meet on the very first day is the same person who might be your friend a month or two from now. I offer my love & friendship from the very first word. Don’t like me…your option. I seldom trust everyone that I meet. Over time as we become closer friends, I’m still paying attention to who they are. It doesn’t take long to weed out the traits that I don’t like or include the traits that I admire. It doesn’t take long to recognize the racists nut jobs & back them out of my life. From my perspective, how close we get is totally dependent on you. Where I meet my friends is varied as I don’t classify who may be my friend. Some are CEO’s, some maids & everything in between.Some are old & some are young. There is NO limit on the color or sexual preferences of my friends. I believe that we have something to learn from EVERYONE no matter who we or they are!!!

Now, I have 2 best friends. One I met about 35 years ago & we’ve grown closer with time. We used to work at the same company & have remained friends since we both left. With the other, I was there the day that she was born & we’ve grown up together. We don’t always like each other, but it has NEVER negated the love that we share!!!

jca2's avatar

I tend not to open up too easily, as far as talking about my life, my regrets, stuff like that. I’m thinking of my “best” friends, and one I knew my whole life, one I met at work, around age 30, and one is the sister of a guy I went out with, and I’ve known her since I was 18. Then of my close friends, one I met about ten years ago through a mutual friend, and a few are mothers of my daughter’s friends. Someone told me that after the kids go off to college, you lose touch with the “mom friends” that were from the children’s school years.

I also have some friends that I met in a book group. We’re all friends now, and have dinners at the leader’s house, and go out occasionally for drinks or dinners but I wouldn’t say we’re close friends. I do think that joining groups and clubs is a great way to meet people.

If I think of someone as gossipy or judgemental, I can and will still be friends with them but I am not going to talk about very personal stuff with them.

mazingerz88's avatar

Thanks so much jellies!

@jca2 I am finding it’s a lot more difficult than expected in making new “close friends”
to whom I can reveal with abandon both my sweet and stinky personality traits. Lol

jca2's avatar

@mazingerz88; I think I’m becoming more of an introvert as I get older. I’m conflicted about my theory, though, because when I see people, I have no problem greeting them warmly and making small talk, however, it’s really easier for me not to do that, and just stay home or be out, alone in my car or shopping or whatever.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@mazingerz88 IF they don’t like you just the way you are, they’re NOT going to like the “hidden” you any better!!! Think that maybe they get the feeling that you’re hiding something from them & that might make them feel uncomfortable??? NEVER change yourself to make others happy…be TRUE to yourself & you’ll NEVER doubt who your true friends are!!!

flutherother's avatar

My closest friends go back to primary school days and I have one very close friend from university. Since then, with one important exception, I have made no really deep friendships. I have made acquaintances through a cycling group , a litter picking group and through the Internet but I am resigned to the fact any new friendships I make will never have the depth and intensity of those formed in my earliest years.

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