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krose1223's avatar

How do you control your temper?

Asked by krose1223 (3254points) October 6th, 2008

I have a very bad temper when I am tired, which is a good 90 percent of the time. I recognize when I am being too short or when I get mad at stupid things, but I can’t stop it. How do I take control of my temper? I always regret getting mad and yelling at my son, because I know if I wasn’t so sleepy I wouldn’t have gotten mad at him for a lot of things. Help!!

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25 Answers

deaddolly's avatar

I either walk away or/and do deep breathing. It helps me relax.
I also try to clear my mind…

I know it’s very difficult to function on little sleep, but think of how you want your son to remember his childhood…as one that was happy or as one that he was yelled at constantly?
You’d be surprised what they remember when they get older.

And, things could always be worse. Whenever I feel bad, I think about ppl who have no kids and desperatly want them or ppl who have children with special needs. It helps put things into perspective and calms me down.

EmpressPixie's avatar

Anger management classes. Seriously, it’s great that you recognize you have a problem with this and anger management classes teach all kinds of techniques to figure out how to control your temper. You might not think your problem is serious enough to go to the classes, but if you catch it while it’s not that bad, the behaviors are always easier to catch and correct.

edit to add: usually community centers offer these classes for free or super cheap

seVen's avatar

I meditate on proverbs and psalms

JackAdams's avatar

I don’t control it.

When I get ticked off, I release my anger, rather than keeping it pent up inside of me, where it can cause a fatal heart attack.

Usually, I torture an eggplant, and afterwards, I feel much better.

Bri_L's avatar

I have been working hard at it for 13 years and just keep working. I have gotten way WAY better. I just keep trying.

Judi's avatar

When driving with my husband and I am tempted to point out how stupid another driver is I have started saying to my husband , “Help me! help me! Help me!” It’s kind of a funny way to remind myself that being angry is not going to change a thing.

mccabe's avatar

You seem ambivalent about changing. On the one hand, you regret yelling at your son. On the other hand, you blame being “tired” and say “I can’t stop it.” So your first step is to decide whether or not you have an anger problem.

My suspicion, based on what you wrote, is that you think it is okay to yell at your son if you are tired. If that is the case, then really you just need to get more sleep.

Opinions will run the gamut, but most people would say that it is not okay to yell at your son (no matter how tired you are). If you sincerely want to change, then I would recommend anger management classes (like empressprixie said) or individual therapy.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

If you recognize it, you can stop it. I agree with mccabe on this one. If you can’t do it on your own, then take some classes. But either way, it’s completely possible to change your behavior.

Celeste00's avatar

If you really want to change a certain behaviour, you usually can’t just will yourself to. Most people are not able to retrain behaviour that’s been set through the years by themselves. The good news is, if you can recognize it, there’s a chance you can retrain it with some help. I got a lot of good tips from psychologists in the past, as to how to recognize where the behaviour is spawning from and how to take steps towards modifying it.

Bri_L's avatar

@Celeste00 that is a good point

I didn’t realize the first paragraph of my answer was deleted. Probably fixing a spelling error. I was seeing a therapist for a while to help me figure out my “triggers” and warning signs.

krose1223's avatar

No, I don’t think it’s ok to yell at him for stupid things, and that’s why I regret it. I probably would consider going to anger managment classes, but I live in an ity bity town. A lot of times when I’m up and moving I can walk or just bite my tongue. A lot of times when I feel bad is when I am trying to get him to take a nap, trying to get him to go to bed for the night, or just when he first wakes up in the morning. I just get so frustrated when he won’t sleep and really I can’t MAKE him sleep unless he is sleeping. I don’t think it is totally out of control, and I know on the days I get more sleep it’s better… but like I said, I wouldn’t mind going to anger managment.

Bri_L's avatar

the biggest thing that helps me with my kids is remembering that they in no way are doing this to intentionally hurt me. Then I picture what it would be like at that moment if BAM they were not there permanently and it was quiet.

Sometimes to break the cycle, I will do the opposite of what I feel like doing (that being yelling). I will sit down and tell them I love them, read a book, cuddle, or something.

krose1223's avatar

Yeah, a lot of times I’m like “seriously, he’s 15 months!” And then he does something to make me laugh. He knows how to butter me up and get my laughing again, but somedays I’m just a big grump.

poofandmook's avatar

@krose: Whatever you have to do… find a way to fix it now. Because my dad was the same way, and I’m pretty sure it’s the reason why I have such huge anger issues now. I get angry at everything. I can’t help it… and I think if my father had gotten the help he needed earlier, I might’ve not learned that pattern.

krose1223's avatar

Yeah, actually I’m trying to find a place in a nearby city but I don’t even know where to look! I tried looking up “anger managment” in the city, and it came up with A LOT of results. What else could I search under? Counseling? Mental health clinics?

deaddolly's avatar

Try parenting classes as well. They teach you how to deal with stress… etc.

Snoopy's avatar

I have two toddlers. I understand what you are going through….Hang in there.

mccabe's avatar

I think you’re showing a lot of courage by taking an honest look at yourself. I definitely encourage you to find help. My recommendation is to ask your primary care physician for a referral to a good psychotherapist. Most PCPs have a few names or clinics that they refer to frequently. Best of luck to you and your son!

jca's avatar

i don’t have a bad temper at all, but i do get annoyed sometimes. when i feel annoyed, first, i ask myself am i tired (or do i need my morning coffee)? am i thirsty? am i hungry? if any of those answers are yes, then i know that may be part of why i am feeling annoyed. my former supervisor said “if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of other people.” she meant, take a break, have lunch, do what you need for yourself first. that’s excellent advice, especially doing what i do, visiting people, some of them are mentally ill, some yell and go off, you have to diffuse them, or handle them some other way. or they try to throw all this crazy shit at you to confuse you and get off the issues, you have to stay focused and on topic, and calm. that takes patience. for that, first i know i need to do what i have to do for myself.

i get annoyed a lot when i drive. i have about an hour commute to work, and i drive a lot doing home based casework, so i’m on the road probably more than the usual person. in the rest of my life, if i’m feeling mad (rare, but sometimes at my mom, or sometimes at work) i think what can i do to make myself feel better. do i need to talk to my mother, plan some revenge on a coworker, forget it, look for another job, what will make me feel better right now? sometimes i talk myself out of it, like you know, it’s not that bad, the job has a lot of pluses, the pay is good, etc. or am i fed up enough that i feel i have to look for another job? or think of the good things mom does for you, helpful with the baby, maybe forget that she’s constantly annoying. or do i feel she disrespected me enough that i can’t let this one pass? usually those things help with my mood.

Maryjo's avatar

First thing I don’t talk anything at that time. Because said words can not be taken back.
Then I count 1 to 10…. and believe me it works.

hitomi's avatar

Laugh. If you can learn to laugh at things it’s a lot easier to not get angry about things. I also know that it sounds trite, but the whole “count to 10” thing is a good idea when you know you’re already in a bad mood. If you count to 10 and really think before speaking you’re less likely to seem short or to say something that you’ll regret.

Bri_L's avatar

I used to have a terrible time. I would punch doors and walls, just never when people were around. Then I had a hard time hiding the damage to the items and to my hands. Now I find I internalize it until I can vent to someone or, get away and buy food.

VzzBzz's avatar

I remind myself how a good 80% of the time, whatever I do in quick reaction while angry will be foolish or destructive and I try to think ahead how much it will cost in effort or crow eating to right the situation and regain some dignity.

CMaz's avatar

I am one cool hand luke. Until you piss me off. :-)
Temper is not a bad thing, it is just how you use it.

Cruiser's avatar

You have to be kidding!!! Nuclear fission was hard enough!! Shah!!!

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