How would you handle this situation with another parent?

It doesnt seem like his parents give a shit, so I would say just drop it because it sounds like a hopeless fight. However, now would be a great time to correct this problem so he doesnt grow up to be a jerk

Drop it. Definitely. The mother sounds like someone who is just going to think she’s right, and you’re wrong, whether you’re wrong or not (which you’re not).
And she said “well, he’s used to soda, you should have been prepared for his needs.”
That’s kind of b.s. It is your household, whether or not he’s used to soda. You didn’t have it in your house, not your fault. What’s the big deal in drinking juice?

An email about something dealing with your child?!? That also shows that the parent doesnt give a shit. Geeze. Talk to someone in person or on the phone. Heck, I wouldn’t let my kids stay at somone elses house at only 5 years old. (other than family) I would drop it. You sound like a much better parent than the other people!

drop it. and don’t ever invite the little brat over again.

Whoa. That kid’s going to have problems, and not just with cavities. :(

“Fif”-ing dropping it. I don’t think you’ll be able to communicate to this woman that her son needs to learn how to cope when things don’t go his way. 5 isn’t too young to learn that, but I doubt this kid will. Poor thing.

@chelseababyy – I’m guessing it’s not the sugary stuff he was used to getting. Juice, what kid doesn’t drink juice?

@kwhull – It was only allowed because we are two houses down – we’ve talked to his mom – a lot! Rules seemed to match up, everything – but I guess they didn’t, really. Oh well, we tried!

kids shouldn’t drink soda period, let alone at breakfast

@tennesseejac – I think you are right, I should just drop it – it’s not going anywhere.

@cak Right?! I’m not a kid anymore, and I LOVE juice. And actually the thought of soda with breakfast kinda makes me feel sick.

@ everyone – thanks! I’m sitting here, stewing about this, my husband thinks I am crazy for being this upset, but sheesh! Try doing something nice and this is where it gets you. Blah!

Seriously, I think my eyes almost popped out when he said soda…WTH???

Ok, feeling a bit more calm! Thanks everyone!

@cak You’re welcome. You didn’t do anything wrong. But I could see why you would be a little peeved. When I lived with my parents, when I was 17, they still didn’t keep soda in the house. It was very rare that they did, and if they did, we were only allowed to have it with dinner, and it was caffeine free.

Soda isn’t a need. You were prepared for his needs. Sounds like the person who has something coming is the mother, and I know I’d be busy finely crafting some choice rhetoric right about now to give it to her.

But I have to agree that it’s probably best to drop it. You’re not dealing with a person who is either civil, rational, or sincerely interested in the well-being of her child. Better think twice before having him back—and send a lunch box with your child if he goes there.

@Jeruba – we’ve decided to take a step back on that friendship and just keep our son busy and not as available, for the time being.

You know, I have an older daughter, I remember some basic misunderstandings, but nothing that I ever really got a snippy phone call or message about – and if there was some type of misunderstanding, usually, it could be pinned down to the kids plotting!

It’s over. I’m okay and will be calm about this – even at the bus stop, in the morning!

Have the kid over again and give him tons of soda right before his mom picks him up.

@cak actually, in connection with what @pigpen said, have the kid over, but serve him some crazy nasty soda. Have you ever had Moxie? It’s like medicine. Obviously, the kid has a fixation, so he won’t say “no”, even if he’s never heard of it. And then film the reaction.

Send her pictures of what happens to kids teeth when all they drink is soda. That should shut her up.

@jessturtle23 – ah! Great minds!! I thought about that idea!

@pigpen and @eponymoushipster – in some world, I would do that, but then feel guilty ass hell – knowing I’d never want that done to my children! I couldn’t actually do it.

WTF? What kind of parent gives their 5 year old soda at breakfast? (and I drink soda at breakfast!) I think you’re making the right decision here, cak. Especially if she lives right down the street. However, if she brings it up again (and she very well may, as she feels her son is the injured party) I’d let her know that A) How could you have possibly known her child drank soda at breakfast and B) Even if you had known, it is against the rules in your house.

@augustlan that’s a good point about it being cak’s home. If they let their kid drink wine at dinner, would you oblige, simply because it’s their rule? unlikely. and if you bowed to their rule, how would it affect your child(ren)?

when they’re in your house, you’re responsible for that kid. if it was so important that the little punk had some soda for breakfast, mommy should have forewarned you when you set all this up.

what if he had said he likes silver dollar pancakes and the blood of 10 virgins? were you supposed to provide that too? it’s just unreasonableness on the parent and child’s parts.

I would drop it also, but I would be furious as hell. The difficult part is the fact that they live on your street. Just be cordial, and as you said “take a step back”.

@augustlan – you know kills me? She comes across as this nice, “together” mother that is level headed. Here I have been “mean” to her child, because I didn’t allow soda. I just hate that somehow, this will affect my son. GRRR!!

People that really know us, and we’ve been clear with her, understand that basically, we’re a no soda household. We eat healthy and keep certain things out. I don’t deny things, they are just reserved for very special treats. Soda is not usually a reward, though. I like to make sure the teeth stay in the head and we don’t consume a bunch of empty calories. Damn me to hell! GRRRR! ALL of this, and I gave UP certain anniversary plans…to do this! BLAH!!

Ok, back to normal, again!

@cak – OK, c’mon, BREATHE… in to the belly… out from the belly… in to the belly… out from the belly… that’s good… one more time… think of being in your special place… OK!
Better?

Wow, just wow. That’s so ridiculous. If my mother ever heard that I threw a fit at someone’s house (especially for that!) she would have seriously killed me. That kid needs to learn some manners…as well as his mother!

I commend you for staying strong and not responding back. It’s definitely not worth it.

@cak The joys of being a parent! I have dealt with crazy parents for years now and it just seems to get worse. Just stand for what you believe in. I applaud you for keeping soda out of the house.

I hope his teeth rot…
If you were to reply to her email once again, complaining about her sons behavior, she’d be furious with you. She herself is already accustomed to her sons wantings and treats it as “normal”; the new information that you’re attempting to feed her would only start a fire.

I suggest you to not respond. At least you have the maturity level and understanding of the situation without drop-kicking her :P
Stop it now before it becomes contagious/repetitive.

backing away from this gives her confirmation she is right. Any time he comes in future (which if your child likes him means a lot) she will expect you to give him soda. An arguement is much easier to win at this stage then in future, you need to assert your rules in your house now. Otherwise in future you she assumes you both agreed he can have soda in the morning (at which point your son will want the same).

Simply reply saying that you understand her position and that you would like her to also respect yours. In your house you dont have soda for breakfast as your aware of the long term effects of it :). The child will be more than welcome to come to you in future, he was very polite and clearly well raised, simply next time he will know not to ask for soda because there wont be any.

thats a way to nip it in the bud and never to have to deal with this again in the future.

The sad thing is the kid is going to grow up a spoiled, entitled, crybaby brat with rotten teeth and absolutely none of it will be his fault. She should not be giving him soda at breakfast and he obviously expects it, and she is enabling him to be a brat.

Here is a curious thought…..this sounds so bizarre to me, given the fact that your face to face interactions with her have seemed normal, is there any chance that the email wasn’t from her?

I don’t know who else would have sent the email or why, but as a mother, I can’t imagine being upset that a person didn’t give my child soda for breakfast (my kids aren’t allowed soda, except on rare occasions and then it is Sprite) AND if there was a problem that I needed to discuss with another parent, I can’t imagine emailing them. I would call them and discuss it, plus I would give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that their was more to the story than what I my child had explained.

i don’t think the big deal here is the fact that he’s having soda for breakfast, but the fact that his mother has less manners than her 5 year old child. what, does she expect you to have every one of his favourite foods, his favourite blanket, etc? if she wants him to feel like he’s at his own house, she should keep him there.

@everyone – Woooooooooooo! Boy the bus stop was a fun place, this morning! She actually had the nerve to bring it up, again, in front of the children and everyone else. I told her we could discuss it after the children were on the bus and I would prefer not to have an audience.

Basically, she rehashed the entire thing, again and I stuck to my guns. It was very difficult to maintain my cool, but I did. She suggested that next time, she could send the appropriate food/drinks. Things he would eat and drink. I told her that would not be ok for my house. We are pretty much a non-soda house and it wouldn’t be fair to my children. I also pointed out that since things were like this, I would think we would need to wait for the next sleepover.

After I got home, the phone started ringing – the “oh, she did that to us” started. Blah. I didn’t play into it, I don’t want the kids to get hurt. Then her number popped up this afternoon, she called to apologize. Evidently, she called her mother, told her what happened and her mother gave her a piece of her mind and said that she owed me an apology.

I have decided to remain polite, but still – to allow that time. I can’t take this drama over a sleepover! Sheesh!

Thank goodness there was a mother in that family who has some sense. Well done on your part, @cak, for keeping your cool and sticking to your beliefs.

@cak I wish I could giver her mother a GA.
Yay for sticking to your guns!

Thanks! I know, her mother is wise!!

Glad you held your ground. I can’t believe she said stuff to you in front of the kids, who does that? Pretty funny however, that her mother said some stuff to her, someone needed to make her see that her side of the argument was complete.. nonsense.

Go cak!

@cak ! wooo! see i hate to say i told you so ;op

I think everyone gets stressed now and again, its easy for us to have a go at this woman cause what she is doing is wrong to a lot of us but maybe she had a bad week?

You handled it perfect though sticking to your guns, all it took was someone neutral to see both sides of the story and put her in her place..

At least now you know that in the future your kids can still be friends and she wont ever have the guts to bring this or anything similiar to it up again!!

Glad the grandmother has some sense. While I must admit my 14 yo does try to sneak a soda with breakfast, he has also been taught what is considered to be typical breakfast foods (soda not being one of those) as well as to eat what folks provide if he is at someone else’s house.

One of several reasons that we don’t let him do sleepovers is that the reverse happens. He comes home demanding that we allow him to do things that we do not permit. His justification, of course, is that he was allowed to do it at his friend’s house.

Another interesting experience was when he came home from the sleepover talking about how the police had been to the house to take the dad away for being mad at the mom (and drunk and physically abusive, too, we later found out, plus violating a TRO). She was a teacher at my son’s school and her son was my son’s best friend, but she never let us know her marriage was in trouble.

You just never really know your neighbors as well as you think.

@Darwin – wow! You are correct, though. What you think you know about your neighbors – isn’t always the full story. Wow. What a scary situation!

@Darwin, you hit on a major point right there: “to eat what folks provide if he is at someone else’s house.” That is basic guest/host etiquette, such as used to be considered nearly sacred. Those principles are not being taught systematically by anyone any more. At one time being told something was “not polite” was as weighty as saying it was against the law.

Certainly if a host offers food that is forbidden to you for some reason, you must decline, but with the greatest of courtesy, and you should make those prohibitions known in advance. But in all cases both host and guest must go to the greatest lengths not to embarrass one another. A five-year-old is not too young to understand the principle.

This is one of many good systems and practices that I think we are going to miss and regret having lost once they have eroded past saving. They are going to have to be reinvented a few generations hence when people come to understand their value through doing without them.