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Blondesjon's avatar

Boys: What does your masturbation routine include?

Asked by Blondesjon (33989points) February 25th, 2009 from iPhone

Don’t let the girls have all the fun. Let’s tell ‘em what a jerkoff really is.

I like to start with my hand and finish on my hand. How ‘bout you fellas?

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33 Answers

MrMeltedCrayon's avatar

Well, I tend to start by unzipping my pants, but to each their own.

Triiiple's avatar

I think everyone is the same, i aim away from my eyes and monitor and hope for the best?

Jamspoon's avatar

@Blondesjon Seriously man, the different euphemisms for jerking off are great :D

First I like to light a candle and some Nag Champa, I also really enjoy some soft music playing in the background, classical guitar or perhaps some light lute…

Actually, it’s pretty unceremonious: whip out Erickson DuPont and give him the what’s what.

Though I do like to challenge myself sometimes.

Blondesjon's avatar

@Jamspoon…I vocalized spontaneous laughter.

jrpowell's avatar

I am shocked someone named jams poon needs to masturbate.

Bluefreedom's avatar


Self-manipulation followed by fantasization and culminating with an eruption. (Almost always using my own hands too)

Triiiple's avatar

@johnpowell i LOL’d, lurve!

figbash's avatar

A male friend of mine once told me that when men masturbate, it’s not necessarily to the porn or idea that’s in front of them, but to this big collage of sensory memories that’s one ’best of’ collection of all the women they’ve ever been with.

Is this true?

blastfamy's avatar

I give Barrack Obama what it wants!

kevbo's avatar

I think someone needs to go back to man camp.

Triiiple's avatar

@figbash As for the collection of all the women, ive probably put together “The Hottest of the hot” in my mind a few times, but very rarely am i not somewhere i can view porn. If im not in my room i have a T-Mobile Sidekick which gets internet.

Mostly its movies though, theres so much on the internet, im surprised people even get things like Playboy anymore. What are they reading the articles?

Jamspoon's avatar

Do I have to capitalize the ‘S’? Really? Come on people, get your heads out that sweaty erotic ditch for at least a part of your day.

Bluefreedom's avatar

@figbash. That’s true in my case, on some occasions, when I’m punishing the pope.

poofandmook's avatar

@Bluefreedom: punishing the pope?! LMFAO

purephase's avatar

I usually look in the mirror and say things like, “if you really love me then we should do this”, or “I promise just the tip”. Then after agreeing I smack it around a bit. After orgasm I fall asleep only to find myself gone in the morning without a “goodbye”. Then I call my friends crying and tell them what a jerk I am.

Johnny_Rambo's avatar

95% of all men masturbate, the other 5% are bunch of fucking liars.

Triiiple's avatar

@Johnny_Rambo My 8th grade teacher told us that in health class. Except the “fucking liars”.

Johnny_Rambo's avatar

Anybody ever ” choke their chicken ”, cause I’m still trying to figure that one out ?

Bluefreedom's avatar

I know someone out there is probably wondering what all the nicknames are for male and female masturbation so I went looking and found a page with dozens of each. I wish I could put them on all Fluther because they are hilarious.

Here is the page for those looking for a good laugh. Enjoy. :o)

AstroChuck's avatar

This thread is so completely unnecessary. Terrible question!

Blondesjon's avatar


i ain’t no queer

Knotmyday's avatar

@Bluefreedom: thou hast slain me. That site almost drove me catholic.

madcapper's avatar

I usually light some candles and turn on some Marvin… crawl into bed and imagine how good I am to myself… then I smoke a cig and make myself breakfast…

SuperMouse's avatar

If there ever was a thread that deserved LOL4RL, it is this one! How are you fellows managing to type with what I imagine to be such hairy palms?

Mr_M's avatar

I want it to be like the real thing so, after it’s over, I leave $100 on the night table.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

We girls were waaaaaaay better at answering this question. I was all excited to get some insight, but alas…

SuperMouse's avatar

Oh my! I just walked away to help someone and left this thread up on the monitor! Oops!

wundayatta's avatar

What follows is a completely fictitious story. It comes from a friend, who claims it really happened to him. This is what he said:

I’m sitting at my desk, working (no, not fluthering) and the phone rings. I can see from the number that it’s her. I pick up the phone.

“I want you. Now!”

You don’t have any idea how exciting those words, over the phone, sound. It gets my immediate attention. Her voice is low, deep in her throat, and I hear in that voice that she’s been thinking about me, and she’s already started.

“Oh baby, me too! Hang on for a sex… uh sec.”

I go to the door of my office and close it.

Picking up the phone, I ask, “what did you have in mind?”

“I can’t wait. I need you now. Unzip your pants.”

I comply with her instructions, and already there’s a lump visibly bulging in my underwear, a little wet spot appearing. I kind of stare at it a bit, perhaps a little too much in love with what I see.

“It’s open. I’m hard. There’s a wet spot.”

“mmmmmm. I’m reaching down to pull down your underwear…”

I do as she says, and my cock… my cock. What to say. It’s standing up. It’s skin feels silky, and I touch it, lightly running my fingers down the front—the place where there is a kind of vein or tube or something inside. At the bottom I squeeze my balls, then wrapping my fingers around my shaft, I pull up, and down, the skin moves over what’s underneath. I’m not rubbing my fingers on the skin; that hurts a bit.

“Baby. I want you put your hand inside your panties. What does it feel like?”
“It’s wet. Wetter than wet. I want you so badly.”

Ok. This is beginning to sound like bad porn. My friend is losing his mind due to what he’s doing. It’s what she really said, he claims, even if it is so clicheed. Also, it’s hard to type with one hand. Or so he said. I never have that problem. No, not because I’m good at typing with one had, silly. Because I don’t do this kind of thing. Never have. Never will. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Um, ladies. My friend is a bit shy, so I don’t know if he will tell me anything else that I can pass on to you. I apologize if this offends anyone. However, I do think it is somewhat responsive to the question.

CMaz's avatar

How did I miss this one? First thing I do is skim through Fluther.

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