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Jude's avatar

Have you dealt with someone who annoys you (purposely) and would vie for your sympathy, just to see to get a reaction out of you, to see if you cared about them?

Asked by Jude (32134points) March 3rd, 2009

What the hell is that all about??? Why are people like that?

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18 Answers

SeventhSense's avatar

I think there is something there but maybe you need to rephrase the question. It seems a little obtuse.

cwilbur's avatar

That person is being manipulative. I don’t deal with manipulative people.

marinelife's avatar

I am not exactly sure what you mean by you question.

KatawaGrey's avatar

I think I know what you’re saying. Yes, I do know someone like that. He says he likes to play head games with people and then tries numerous ways to get people to feel sorry for him. Basically, all he wants is massive amounts of attention from people. One day, so that he would finally leave me alone, I responded to one of his head games and gave him the exact kind of attention that he didn’t want. Basically, I proved that I am smarter than he is and that I do not want to put up with him. He now barely speaks to me and that is for the better.

Bri_L's avatar

My brother did that his whole life. That is how he got girls. He would be mean and treat them like an ass. Annoy them just enough but not to much they hated him. Then, when the opportunity presented itself, they had a bad day, he would do the simplest gesture or smallest thing and it would, in comparison, seem soooo sweeeet. suddenly they were changing all those feelings of annoyance to interest.

It worked again and again and again.

Jude's avatar

I guess what I am saying (sorry about how I worded the question above), is that person needs to know for certain that you care for the them, so, they push you, upset you, annoy you to where they get some sort of passionate (which they’re hoping for) response from you.. or not. They base your response to their actions as to how you strongly you feel about them. If you don’t get all riled-up about it, to them you don’t care about them. Then if that doesn’t work, they try the sympathy route.

Does that make sense?

cwilbur's avatar

It makes sense, and it’s a sort of dysfunctional behavior I’ve seen before.

I don’t get all riled up about it, because I find it hard to invest energy in people who are that dysfunctional. And as a result, the sympathy route doesn’t work either.

The end result is that they learn that I really don’t care about them that much, although ironically enough the reason I don’t care is because of the way they chose to test whether or not I cared.

Jude's avatar

@cwilbur , yep, that’s exactly what I was talking about and my reaction to their behavior was the same as yours.

dynamicduo's avatar

I’ve dealt with people like this. They are emotional cancers, so I treat them just as I would with any other cancer – eliminate it, get it out of my system completely. I tell the person how their inappropriate behaviour is affecting me, and I tell them that I will cease associating with the person unless such behaviour stops. And then I do just that. Amazingly enough, I have no friends who pull such shallow and narcissistic behaviour.

I do not exist as someone else’s punching bag, neither physically nor emotionally nor in any way, shape, or form.

scamp's avatar

Don’t allow this person to push your buttons with their immaturity. When you allow someone to manipulate you, you only set yourself up for more of the same. Reward good behavior, but ignore the bad.

Bri_L's avatar

@jmah – Sorry about that. I misunderstood.

Jude's avatar

@Bri_L oh, no need to apologize. The way that I typed up the question in the first place was a bit confusing.

LouisianaGirl's avatar

yes a girl i go to school with follows us around and tells people we are best friends

SeventhSense's avatar

Yes, I guess that I have some family like that and it’s hard because you want to be there for them but the behavior is so hard to deal with and you have to see to your own well being. It’s when you detach with love that you realize your own self esteem by not being overcome with guilt. Ultimately you have to take care of your own needs first to be there for anyone in a meaningful way. But they will continue to test you like children. You just have to be sure of yourself and draw a line in the sand with compassion.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

This is one of the most roundabout questions ever. I’m lost :(

cwilbur's avatar

@TitsMcGhee: Let me try to translate.

There are people who play manipulative games, picking fights with you and ignoring you alternately to see how you respond and if you get worked up. They do this to measure how invested you are in them, on the theory that someone who is invested in them will get upset when they pick fights and then ignore that person.

Do you know any such people? If so, how have you dealt with them?

Jude's avatar

@cwilbur Well said. You did a much better job in explaining it/wording it than I did. Thank-you. :)

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Aha! Thanks, @cwilbur.

Well then, yes, I have known such people , and I’m definitely not a fan of them. I deal with them by not paying attention and not being invested. Sucks for them.

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