General Question

MCBeat's avatar

Is having a "sugar daddy" immoral?

Asked by MCBeat (164points) March 25th, 2009

Because I have one that I’ve only met up with once, and he gives me money every time I’m in a jam. It’s so hard to ask someone for money, but he’s so generous and it’s like him giving me money makes him happy. He thinks I should focus on my studies, and since I have a great (but unpaid) internship at a local clinic, I don’t have time for a regular job. I’m at ends with myself, but I know I will suffer fiscally if I cut him off. At the same time, I want to be independent… but that doesn’t seem possible right now. My school and internship are taking up my life =(

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16 Answers

Facade's avatar

I don’t know. It’d be nice to have one though lol

AstroChuck's avatar

No. I used to eat them all the time as a kid. I preferred Sugar Babies, though.

MCBeat's avatar

@AstroChuck i just laughed my ass off, thank u, glad u cleared that up for me

elijah's avatar

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as youre honest about your feelings. He freely chooses to help you.

A_Beaverhausen's avatar


marinelife's avatar

It is not immoral, but I am not comfortable doing it, because it shifts the balance of power in the relationship.

For example, hypothetically, right now he says concentrate on your studies. He gives you money when you need it. No strings. But suppose, one day he wanted sex. or suppose he wanted a sexual practice you were not comfortable with. Or he wanted you to do something illegal at the place you intern.

All of a sudden all of that money is like a mountain between you. “I helped you. Why can’t you do this one little thing for me?” If yo do, eventually he has complete control.

VzzBzz's avatar

If you’re fine with it and he’s fine with it, you are well matched. Huzzah! Your morals are aligned.

cak's avatar

Understand that the questions I ask are not, in any way, leading to me passing judgment on you or your situation. I’m just curious.

You say you only met up once. Do you mean dated, or more? Also, he’s given you money on several different occasions, has he ever asked for anything in return? Are you clear about your feelings or non-feelings about him – with him – does he know where you stand? Do he want more of a relationship?

It’s not something I could do, but I’ve always been very independent. I don’t like to feel that I owe someone something. I couldn’t just take money because I needed it and not pay someone back.

Unfortunately, it does sound like it’s a one sided thing and for you – it’s more of the monetary gain which is tying you to this man. In that way, I guess I think it’s wrong. You mention that if you cut him off, you will suffer, fiscally. I guess I struggle with that statement. I sounds like you are only there for the money. I just don’t think I could be okay with that situation. How do you know that down the road he won’t hold it over your head?

It just sounds like it could lead to a lot of problems.

casheroo's avatar

I love my sugar daddy. Nothing to be ashamed of! lol

EmpressPixie's avatar

I do not think it is immoral.

It could put you in a bind later, but it’s not immoral.

wundayatta's avatar

What does he want in return, or what have you given him? As far as I know, sugar daddies usually become such for sex.

If he gives you a lot, and wants to help you because he believes in you, with no expectation of anything in return except the knowledge that he has helped a worthwhile person, then wonderful. I suspect this is not the case, and, in fact, you are asking the question because you don’t think the bargain is one you should enter into.

To that, I say, that you can live with what you can live with. If this arrangement is giving you qualms of any sort, moral or otherwise, then that means you should get out of it. Trust your own instincts. It doesn’t matter what strangers think, even if we all are totally brilliant ethicists! ;-)

MCBeat's avatar

@daloon @Marina @cak i’m sorry, i thought it was obvious when i said we met up once, that we had sex. i guess that’s why i’m wondering if it’s immoral. I did it only because I was pretty sure I would gain something out of it. he was loaded. look, i’ve done porn, i know about having sex for money, but that’s a totally different thing. yeah, he expects to come down within the next 2 weeks and obviously expects sex again. that’s why i posted this… i don’t know if i should. he’s a pleasant man, but he is elderly and i’m only 18. he’s older than my dad. the situation didn’t seem weird at first, i was just trying to find some extra money, but a lot of my friends disapprove. and i’m starting to see why.

wundayatta's avatar

Morality depends on your moral system. Sure, a lot of people would consider what you’re doing immoral. But a lot people think that porn is immoral, too. Porn is sex for money. Prostitution is sex for money. Sugar Daddy is sex for money.

The only difference with a sugar daddy is that it’s one person, and you are playing him. What are your intentions in the end? Do you think he thinks you guys are going to be together? Does he have a wife? Kids?

He’s not interested in you, except as a pleasant diversion. He’s willing to pay a lot of money to keep you available to him. He’s probably not asking you to be exclusive or to give up any relationships. He just wants a beautiful, young, nubile woman who will suck his cock, and maybe, with the help of viagra, get it up enough to stick it in you. It makes him feel powerful to be able to afford his nooky on the side.

If you are being immoral, so is he. But I have to wonder where your idea of immorality comes from. It’s a little Johnny come lately, it seems to me.

I seriously doubt that you are leading him on. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship. I seriously doubt he expects you to do a Pretty Woman on him. Or for him. Whores might get saved by their prince in shining armor in the movies, but the real world usually isn’t like that.

You all are playing a fantasy game. You both pretend you like each other—after all, emotion really helps make the sale, doesn’t it? I mean, when you do porn, you have to actually feel hot and horny if you are going to sell it to the viewer. Granted, a lot of viewers don’t give a shit, but for some, they want to believe the women really are that gung ho for sex, and that maybe some day, they’ll get to make it with a porn actress. That’s what your sugar daddy is doing.

If your friends are worried about the age difference, then maybe they don’t know about your past career. You may be trying to pretend for them that you are a good girl. I’m not saying you’re not good—I don’t know you. But we all know that most of society disapproves of sex for hire.

You’re 18. Maybe you did porn when you were younger, making the lie to porn, when it claims no one is under the age of 18. If you’ve been doing the sex trade at this age, it probably means you’ve had a particularly hard life. Certainly your parents, if they are even together, don’t have the money for your college. Am I right? I don’t know. I just like to guess.

Can you go straight? I think you want to because a part of you disrespects yourself for what you’ve been doing. That’s why you’ve asked this question.

I would support you whatever way you want to go. If you want to keep your sugar daddy, I assure you, there’s no wool over his eyes. He knows what he’s doing. If you want to try to regain your self-respect, I think that’s wonderful. However, I don’t think you need to think poorly of yourself for what you’ve been doing to make a living. Exploitation can be a two-way street.

What do you want to do? What will make you feel safest and best about yourself, while keeping your head above water, financially? Some women choose the hard road, and cut off the sex trade, and try to make it in a straight job. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. If you want to keep your sugar daddy—I mean, if you want to, not because you have to, then I’m not going to say you’re immoral for doing so. Then again, I would never want my daughter to be in your position. I hope she always knows she can come to us for help when she needs it. The door will always be open.

susanc's avatar

McBeat: Do you want to have sex with him? Did you enjoy it last time? I DOUBT IT.
Get out. Get out now.

Response moderated (Spam)
keobooks's avatar

I’ve been telling my husband we should get a sugardaddy for the longest time. I also told him he needed to have an affair with an insane neat freak who would clean our house nonstop.

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