General Question

artificialard's avatar

What happened to my friend?

Asked by artificialard (2273points) April 15th, 2009

This is a specific personal question so bear with me – one of my better friends is a girl that I knew from the first year of university (undergrad). We both didn’t really get along with the people in our our program we were pretty good friends well past graduation, more than 5 years. We weren’t the kind of friends that hung together all the time as we lived in separate parts of town but we had close contact online and met for lunches and such.

About 4 months ago all I lost all contact with her – it’s hard to know when as we both will ‘drop off’ sometimes when busy but never for that long. I’ve sent her texts, emails, FB messages, and got nothing.

I didn’t think much of it as I was going through my own ‘things’ and figured she’d make contact again at some point. But today I noticed a past comment left by her on FB was greyed-out, or she had cancelled her facebook account. For people our age (mid-20’s) this is pretty much unheard of. I contacted her closest friend from high school and apparently she received an email a few weeks ago that she had decided to more devoutly focus on her spirituality and had to cast away her old life, including her friends (this is paraphrased).

She’s from Bangladesh and was I assumed Muslim but certainly wasn’t an extreme practicer – she went for drinks once in awhile, went out with boys, had a job, etc. She did however fast and observe the religious holidays.

I’ve just learned of this and both her friend and I have no idea what happened. The last communication to either of us was this email she sent to the other friend – and she didn’t respond so we don’t even know if she really wrote it.

Has this ever happened to anyone before? I’m so confused.

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17 Answers

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

perhaps she has an arranged marriage?

Likeradar's avatar

Perhaps she had some sort of weird spiritual “awakening”?
it is pretty odd.

asmonet's avatar

Do you know how to contact her parents?
Or where they live so you could look them up?

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

that is very strange… perhaps speaking with your old universities admissions department, usually not allowed but if you explain your situation and do a little coaxing you could get the names of her parents.

eponymoushipster's avatar

Maybe she’s become a Hari Krishna?

May2689's avatar

This is really weird… definetly look around and find out what happened to her!

augustlan's avatar

I smell a cult.

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

I fell asleep and ended here…what did I miss?

artificialard's avatar

@AlfredaPrufrock I had actually asked about that once when we were talking about where we were from – she said she wasn’t in an arranged marriage (although she’s known some to be). I don’t think there really is a reason to lie about that friend-to-friend…

@asmonet She lives with her parents, and to my knowledge still does (the other friend called the house once and got her sister who said she didn’t want to speak to anyone). I don’t know if that scares me more or less.

It had occurred to me that she might be influenced by some sort of cult but the fact that she lives with her parents (as far as we know) seems to make that a less than likely possibility. She didn’t have a lot of ties though as far as I knew, few friends but not antisocial and apparently lost her job not too long after I lost contact with her.

I just don’t know what to make of this. I’m going to try to call her next week when I’m done exams and see what happens.

asmonet's avatar

Show up on her doorstep full of concern and a lunch date.

If you explain that you’ll honor her wish to be left in peace and start anew if you could only speak to her and better appreciate her choices you may get a shot. Tell her, or them that’s it’s been hard for you losing a friend with no closure and seemingly no cause, and that again, if she wishes to be let go after that you will honor her decision.

If you can’t show up, read that to her parents or siblings. Whoever picks up.

That’s what I would do.

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asmonet's avatar

…So, what happened?

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

lol good question asmonet, completely forgot about this thread, I’m pretty curious now myself.

artificialard's avatar

I didn’t end up contacting her and haven’t heard from her since =( ... I’m ashamed to say that I had forgotten due to some personal events and changes in my life (haven’t had much time for Fluther at all really).

I hope that whatever the reasons, that she’s happy now.

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