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Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

What are deal breakers for you in a relationships besides the obvious?

Asked by Simone_De_Beauvoir (38963points) April 19th, 2009

by obvious I mean physical violence, hurting your pets or children (okay maybe for some these aren’t obvious turn-offs but that’s just unfortunate)

for me: HAVING to drink a LOT all the time even after knowing that it bothers me; breaking my trust in a big way; lying in a malicious way; it would also be a deal breaker if my partner all of a sudden converted to a religion and expected the same of me or my children; same goes for a change in political ideology or all of a sudden wanting to be in the military, for example…also, if they gave me any sort of ultimatums about HAVING to be exclusive in our relationship…I don’t DO ultimatums…

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23 Answers

Jude's avatar

Being clingy and overly needy is a big turn off.

Darwin's avatar

Dishonesty is probably the biggest thing after violence. If someone lies in a relationship then it is no longer a relationship because it is built on nothing.

mattbrowne's avatar

Trying to change use as a person, i.e. not accepting how you are. This is a deal breaker. It’s still okay to point out particular behavior which has negative impacts on you (see my kitchen example below). To put it the other way round: How can the deal (relationship) work without breaking? What can we expect?

I think the most important expectation of all, is being tolerant about individual peculiarities. Accepting your wife, your husband, your partner, your child, your relative, your friend the way they are as a person. We can’t change the character of a person. We must sometimes try to influence a particular behavior, if it’s got a significant impact on us. The best way to do this in my opinion (as is also the case when having conflicts) is by only using the pronoun ‘I’ and avoid the pronoun ‘you’ altogether.

Here’s an example (a woman telling her husband): ‘When I return home from a 3-day business trip and find the kitchen being full of dirty dishes, the kitchen smells bad and it really gives me a headache.’

kenmc's avatar

If she gets angry easily or gets off on unhappiness. Also if she incredibly vain.

noelasun's avatar

Disrespecting my opinions, not holding me in esteem.
generally, when they can’t seem to listen.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Lack of follow through on something they’ve gone out of their way to sell me on, drug addiction, gambling addiction, sex addiction, bi polar or ADHD, irresponsible to their children or family, poor work ethic, lax hygiene.

hug_of_war's avatar

Cheating. I have no mercy for cheaters.
Drinker and/or partier. I don’t drink or party at all so I wouldn’t date someone who drank often, though the occaisonal adult beverage is fine.
Person who wanted lots of kids. Anyone who already has kids at this point in my life.
Anyone who has anal sex as one of their major fantasies/desires. Not gonna happen. EVER.

Jack79's avatar

Cheating is not that big in itself, but it becomes big because of the breach of trust involved. I think generally trust is the most important thing.

I have broken up with a girl because she kept on standing me up. We didn’t fight or anything, I just got sick and tired of it, as she always did it and it showed she didn’t care enough about me (she wouldn’t call to say she’d be late, sometimes wouldn’t show up at all, etc). It was a deal breaker because it showed lack of respect, not just a practical issue of me having to wait for hours and waste time.

Anything else I tend to work on. I’m willing to forgive anything at all, and try and find compromise in any situation.

benjaminlevi's avatar

If she is really only a spy who is pretending to love me so they could either steal my nuclear secrets.
I wouldn’t be cool with that.

bodyhead's avatar

Going to the bathroom with the door open is a huge deal breaker with me. Maybe I’m a prude.

wundayatta's avatar

Likes Country.

zephyr826's avatar

@kj3690 Boston or Chicago?

zephyr826's avatar

Having a major vice that they refuse to try and quit, whether it was smoking, drinking, drugs, or a porn addiction.
Actually, a smoker would be a non-starter. I have too many respiratory infections to even go there.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

I would never date a smoker- wouldn’t matter if he’s the best guy in the world. Smokers stink even when they aren’t smoking. So does all their stuff.

PrancingUrchin's avatar

A Cub or Yankee fan. I happen to love the sox of the red and white varieties.

Darwin's avatar

@BBSDTfamily and @zephyr826 – Interestingly enough, although I used to swear it was the number two deal-breaker behind violence, I somehow fell in love with a smoker and he with me. He hated to hear my asthma attacks so he quit cold turkey. He hasn’t smoked in 19 1/2 years and any of his stuff that is left has been thoroughly cleaned over the years.

Oddly enough, he is now even more sensitive to cigarette smoke than I think I was.

kj3690's avatar

Cub’s fan!! Is there any other?

ohmyword's avatar

Too involved in work. Too involved in me. Obsessive compulsive. Or just obsessive or compulsive. Excessive drug use. Being a morning person. Not having direction. Any extremes are turn-offs, I guess

shf84's avatar

Any thing sleazy like drugs, hanging with thugs etc. Also girly girls that want to be protected and taken care of like children that’s a definite deal breaker. We need to be on each others side, looking out for each others feelings, conspiring to make each other comfortable empathetic.

Amazebyu's avatar

Video game addict.. Specially after 30!

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