General Question

richardhenry's avatar

If you're dating a girl and she thinks she can sing and wants your opinion, would you be willing to tell her otherwise?

Asked by richardhenry (12641points) April 26th, 2009

It’s not an issue, she doesn’t sing all the time and doesn’t try to do it professionally, but she’s under the impression she can sing and keeps asking your opinion whenever you catch her singing along to something. It’s not a train crash, but it’s not great.

What do you say, if she seems like she really wants to know? Is that something you should do, or do you offer empty words of encouragement because it’s what she wants to hear?

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32 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Be happy that she’s happy enough to sing.

This is obviously something that makes her happy. You should support this. Take her out to karaoke sometime.

richardhenry's avatar

What if she keeps following each question up with

“Are you really being serious? I want to know.”

hearkat's avatar

Wow. I love to sing, and have been told I have a good voice but I only sing in my car. I wouldn’t ask someone’s opinion unless I really thought I might have a chance of performing on some level.

So if she claims she really wants to know, then tell her to answer her own question. The way I’d objectively judge my own voice would be to record myself singing along to a song I am listening to with headphones on—this way the recording won’t have the background music, but her voice will be theoretically at its best, since she would be hearing the music and the original singer. Then, she can listen to how she really sounds to others, not how she hears herself in her head. (I wish American Idol would require people to do this prior to trying out)

Pcrecords's avatar

Ask her why she cares so much what you think of it? If she’s happy with it, then her voice is fine.

If things progressed, she wanted to join a band say maybe suggest ways she could improve her vocal strength before taking that kind of step. A singing teacher or going to some workshops will make her voice stronger and would be fun too.

Don’t (even if she sounds FANTASTIC) let her do American Idol.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

If you want to keep dating this girl then you’ll spare her feelings.

chyna's avatar

How about saying “not bad” when she asks? That’s not really answering and gets you off the hook.

asmonet's avatar

@Pcrecords: I disagree, as a chick, if I ask for an opinion and I get “Why do you care if I care?” I’m thrown off. That’s not a good response. Pretty much never. The hidden message in that statement is that you don’t believe I care about you. People care what their sig others think.

Just give her a different kind of compliment sometimes that doesn’t lead into a discussion of ability, say you love how happy she is when she sings, or like chyna said, “Not bad.”

And play nice, you know if you want to keep mackin’ on her.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

lol I really like to dance and I always ask people if my dancing is okay and people always say yeah its great. So I am probably falling under the same category that your GF is under. But I have gotten a few good compliments about it without asking for them so I dunno. Anyways even if its not the best singing you should still tell her you like it. I mean is it reallllly that bad I dunno. I can kind of see this as a Seinfeld episode or something.

ragingloli's avatar

I know that in such a situation the recommended course of action is to lie and tell her that she sings well.
But screw it, i would tell her that her singing sucks.

Facade's avatar

Don’t tell her she can’t sing! I know I’d be crushed if I heard that lol.

hug_of_war's avatar

There’s really no good answer. You tell her why should it matter if i care/not bad/other neutral reply and it instantly raises red flags that you don’t think she sounds good. Tell her the trutth and you’ll definitely hurt her feelings. Lie to her and tell her she sounds good and well…you’re lying.

Pcrecords's avatar

@asmonet my intention wasn’t to ask what do you care if i care? and the quotes are all your own there. I advised he ask why she cares so much for his opinion, there could be many answers there ranging from her being interested in his true opinion to possibly her having doubts about her voice. Asking why she cares so much about what he thinks might also reveal other truths, maybe for example someone has previously said she has a bad voice. my advice was to open up the conversation, i feel you may have read my response as a suggestion to close it.

oratio's avatar

I think that if you like this girl, you should say that you like hearing her sing. Everybody can learn how to sing ok if they practice. If she want to become better she should go see a song teacher. But I don’t think that you under any circumstance, should say that she can’t sing.

Pcrecords's avatar

@Facade everyone can sing to one degree or another, i agree i’d be crushed if someone said i couldn’t sing. now whether its to your taste or not is another thing (and a fun curious oddity of life) i mean i know that technically Mariah Carey or say Celine Dion have really got it going technically, but i really don’t like the sound they make. I can appreciate it for its ability, but i wont spend my money on it.

chyna's avatar

@Pcrecords Not true. I cannot sing a note. In fact, those around me at church have asked me to just mouth the words.

oratio's avatar

@chyna Some people have no sense of rythm at all. It’s tough, but I am sure you could train to sing ok, if you really wanted to.

Pcrecords's avatar

Technique and vocal strength can be poor but I’ve yet to meet anyone who can’t sing. Now I’ve met people who struggle with a tune, people who struggle with volume, it’s generally technique though.

@chyna those people sound cruel.

asmonet's avatar

@Pcrecords: “Ask her why she cares so much what you think of it?”

In girl speak, it translates the same.

Pcrecords's avatar

Really? See most girls I know would probably have a conversation with me after a line like that. We tend to get by without a translator too.

gailcalled's avatar

What about taping her, with her permission? The play it back and ask her what she thinks. Can she at least stay on pitch?

sjmc1989's avatar

God my ex always told me I should never sing especially when around other people you all are so nice. Wait….........maybe thats why he’s my ex

casheroo's avatar

I love to sing, but I know I’m not the best. I do ask my husbands opinion and he says he loves the way I sing, that it’s very feminine. He has also been honest with me and has told me that if I had singing lessons, I’d be much better. It didn’t hurt my feelings. I mean, if I was a trained singer and he told me something like that…I’d be pretty upset.
Is her goal to sound amazing? Does she not sing just for fun?
I sing just for the fun of it, or to my son. I’d need to know her singing motivation haha

asmonet's avatar

@Pcrecords: I am merely pointing out a way in which it can be interpreted and how in my experience most girls would take it. Your experience may differ.

No big.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

It sounds like she “really wants to know” because she’s working up courage to sing in public or something like that. Why else would she really care how she sings? I would tell her the truth for sure, just do it as politely as possible. Don’t tell her she’s great or good, just tell her it’s alright.

Nimis's avatar

Depends on her personality.
Either offer to help her evaluate herself.
(Recording her singing sounds like a good idea.)

Or give her an unanswer segued into something sweet.
Like I don’t think I’m the best person to ask
because clearly I’m a bit biased.
[insert winning smile here]

sjmc1989's avatar

@Nimis NICE ONE!!! Love the 2nd idea.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

@Nimis You are full of good ideas!

AstroChuck's avatar

It depends if you’re just hoping to sleep with her or if you want an honest relationship.

cwilbur's avatar

If she asked me what I really thought, and insisted that she really wanted to know, I’d tell her what I really thought. I don’t play the game where my partner asks me a question and I have to guess what the right answer is.

I’d probably ask “Are you looking for validation or an honest answer?” first, though, just to clarify. But if she then said she wanted an honest answer, I’d give it to her.

AstroChuck's avatar

I agree with cwilbur. Just be prepared for the fall out if she doesn’t like your honest answer.

Dr_C's avatar

it depends on where you think this relationship is going… if you see no future but want the remainder of the relationship to be a happy time and have no wish to end it soon….. LIE LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW. Spare her feelings… keep her happy… and in return she’ll make you happy as well.

If on the other hand this is going somewhere you do need to establish a foundation of honesty… for that i would recomend being open and honest about her ability… just have a little tat while doing so. The point is to give your opinion without being hurtful.

le_inferno's avatar

Holy shit just tell her the truth! It’s not wise to be dishonest with a girl you’re dating. You can tell her the truth without being mean. Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson do it all the time, lol. And the worst thing is to feed a bad singer empty praise and compliments. Now she’s going to have this inflated confidence about her voice and make a fool out of herself if she ever sings in public. And it’ll be all your fault!!! :P

A guy I had a thing with sometimes used to sing while we were on the phone, and I’d tell him he had a terrible voice…didn’t really matter cause he was only doing it for fun. But, if he had seriously asked my opinion of his singing, I’d probably laugh and say “You’re really not that good, sweetheart.” Maybe I’m just a huge bitch, or maybe we just had a comfortable relationship.

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