General Question

chicadelplaya's avatar

If a woman were to propose to a man...

Asked by chicadelplaya (2213points) May 1st, 2009

Should she present him with an engagement ring, as is customary when a man proposes to a woman? Just curious. Thanks!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

38 Answers

DesireeCassandra's avatar

I think yes. It would be cute!

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

Probably so but why not wait for him to propose?

chicadelplaya's avatar

@DesireeCassandra- thanks! ;-)
@lothloriengaladriel- I think that it would be ideal for him to propose (for me)...But a thought came across- what if? Every situation is different. I’m not in this situation right now, but something made me ponder the thought…

Nimis's avatar

I would have just had a simple ring cast. But he beat me to the punch.

Though we were talking about what-ifs and he brought up a good point. It would have been a bit confusing because there isn’t any notion of a male engagement ring in our culture. Everyone would just assume he was already married.

Can you imagine the confusion?
What?! You’re married?!
When did this happen?
Why wasn’t I invited?
Heck, why didn’t you even tell me you were engaged?

Bluefreedom's avatar

A marriage proposal from a lady. What a refreshing, interesting, and appealing twist away from ordinary tradition. I don’t see why she couldn’t present him with an engagement ring although it might seem a little bit unusual. =)

Aethelwine's avatar

Long story, but I proposed to my husband (in a way). No ring.

We’re still together 18 years later.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

It would be different I suppose, I’ve just always thought of it as being the mans responsibility

astrocom's avatar

First off, I’d like to applaud the concept.
However, it seems somewhat silly to me to actually have a ring, rings and jewelry in general aren’t generally associated with men, so to force the tradition in this case might be somewhat socially awkward, and the entire concept of continuing the tradition is a little silly, seeing as you’re breaking the biggest part of it already.

All this said, the simplicity and symbolism of a plain band is rather attractive in my mind. I’d prefer to suggest you get something more relevant to your relationship, and item more likely to symbolize the (hopeful) permanency of your relationship in a way that’s unique to the two of you, but I don’t know what that might be. There’s something appropriate about having it be something you wear on your person at all times, but at the same time jewelry seems a bit…boring.

I’m probably severely over thinking this, go with what seems right to you.

Aethelwine's avatar

@astrocom You’re not over thinking this at all. Times change. My husband had to have his wedding band cut off due to an injury to his hand. His work is dangerous and it looks like we may just get tattoos instead. The rings (or lack thereof) only have meaning to the couple.

chicadelplaya's avatar

@astrocom – I like your idea! In your opinion, what would be some special jewelery ideas or the like that would symbolize something important as this?? Anyone? :o)

Bluefreedom's avatar

You could go the Angelina Jolie / Billy Bob Thornton route. They both had miniature vials of each others blood attached to necklaces they wore.~

jlm11f's avatar

You could give him a gold chain. Not a long, obnoxious rapper-like chain worn OVER the shirts. But just a simple, elegant gold chain that he can wear daily with the shirt covering most of it and it only shows around the neck. That way it is always on him, it fulfills the jewelry clause and it’s not feminine. Girls would have to wear a gold chain with a pendant, a bare chain doesn’t fit. His would be pendant-less of course. And they do make gold chains specifically for guys.

westy81585's avatar

I wouldn’t be against it at all (I’m a guy), but I would still like the honor of actually asking a girl some day.

Though since 99% of girls won’t make any first moves, I think i’m probably in the clear :D

astrocom's avatar

I personally find many areas of the body symbolic, with emphasis on the fore arms and hands, because of their frequent use and display.
A reason I’ve heard (which I’m almost certain was attached after the fact) for using rings in wedding ceremonies is that the ring is continuous and unbroken, an “infinite” path of sorts.
Eternity rings (rings with a set of small, equally sized gemstones set around their entire circumference) evoke this imagery through there name. I also find the concepts of gimmal and puzzle rings interesting. Check http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_(jewelry) for details on that. I’ve also seen rings made of fine chainsaw or something like it, which i thought were cool. (I’ve just spent a paragraph talking about ideas for a ring, which I was suggesting against >.<)
The difficulty here is the balance between something unique and special, and something that will attract the “What is up with that guy?” look (I’m a rather conspicuous person, so I’m used to that, but it bothers a lot of people).
Is there something that would symbolize you to him? A scent, a shape, some odd form of affection you give him, a nervous habit of yours he finds endearing? I’d recommend something that features that, I’ve heard of men carrying around a cloth doused in their wives’ perfume on long trips, and it would me nice for him to have a little reminder there’s someone waiting for him (in a warm, loving way).

Amoebic's avatar

I’m still surprised that people still hang onto it being “the man’s job” to propose.
You want it? You go and get it!

We came to the decision mutually, went shopping for engagement sets/wedding bands together. I find most traditional engagement jewelry to be…excessive, so I’m glad I had the opportunity to give that input ahead of time.

Make a special evening of it, give him something symbolic and ask. You can even approach it as “Let’s get married! I want to spend the rest of my life with you, marry me! etc…”

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Isn’t that the same as saying “Will you buy me an engagement ring?” =D

In all seriousness, if you love him, go for it.. you needn’t worry about social protocol.

Fyrius's avatar

Like most repliers, I support the notion of women proposing to men.
Meanwhile, at the risk of sounding cheap, I generally disagree with the notion that engagement requires jewellery.
But if you’d really want it to involve trinkets, I personally think there’s some special charm to simple symbolic necklaces, for guys as well as for girls. (I blame that sentiment on having been crazy about The Neverending Story as a kid. :P)

Kiev749's avatar

I think that how far from the traditional since that we have deviated from, that we are grasping on to this because its about the only one we still go by…

Lupin's avatar

Both parties having right to propose. I applaud you. In my opinion the rings are only useful if they are to become something that gets passed down from generation to generation.
I stopped wearing my wedding ring the night of the wedding. It was not permitted at my job, and I did not like it getting caught on things. She’s been wearing mine with hers for 30+ years. The diamond in the engagement ring came from my grandmother. It will go to my kids when they are ready.
That said, I do like the idea of a simple, incredibly hard, tungsten carbide band. I’d feel like a superhero.

juniper's avatar

My mom proposed to my dad. No ring, though. I’ve always thought it was pretty cool of her.

ubersiren's avatar

This is so cool! I’d just caution you to find out

A. If he would be freaked out by you proposing.
B. If he would want a ring, or even two if he would wear a wedding ring, too. Or would another token be more appropriate? Maybe a nice watch, or plane tickets to somewhere he’s always wanted to go?
C. If he would accept.

Some of that goes for anyone proposing, but just be sure! Talk to a close friend of his or family member. Eek! Good luck! This is so exciting, and I don’t even know you!

DragonFace's avatar

I would be kinda upset if a woman proposed to me especially if i was eventually going to propose to her. I will feel like i am not doing my part as a man.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

This is a refreshing concept. I would suppose you could do the ring, or think of something clever to make it your own.

When I got married, my wife and I considered changing outfits; her in a tux, me in a wedding dress. We eventually decided against it. I chickened out. Would have been pretty cool, but just a little ‘out there’, though.

casheroo's avatar

I see nothing wrong with it, and I don’t think a ring is required. I also don’t think this means you want an engagement ring, like others said. You can be engaged with no ring.
I think you know your man better than us, and how he’d react.

flameboi's avatar

for a man, if you prupose, a beer and hot tickets for a basketball/beisball/football/soccer will suffice…
In my case, if you show up with a bottle of Johnny, a cigar, a good jazz album and a huge kiss, that would be enough, i don’t need a woman to show me how much money she makes, or how much money she needs to throw away in something that might not be with me forever to convince me of doing something, like, getting married, this is the 21st. century, the camels are no longer needed….

wundayatta's avatar

Makes me wonder about the groom price. Or the prenup and conferring of the groom’s trust.

Oh why is it so stiff and formal and complicated?

LKidKyle1985's avatar

hmmm yeah but I have to be honest it would be a little emasculating to have a woman propose to me. And, I am not sure how it would work cause like others have said, guys don’t really have engagement rings that they wear. I suppose a woman could get herself an engagement ring. but I dunno thats kinda bizarre. Maybe you could get him an engagement watch? I mean traditionally speaking I don’t see anyway it would really work well. But practically you can do it how ever you want, just be a little creative.

Fyrius's avatar

@LKidKyle1985: Screw the stupid rings, anyway. Or any equivalent thereof.
Love is more important than expensive trinkets.

Dorkgirl's avatar

Neither one of us really proposed. I said I wouldn’t move 3000 miles away from job, family, friends just to live with him; that I wanted a little more security than that. He said okay, let’s get married. And so we did…25 years ago. I picked out a ring for myself and one for him and we shared the cost.
He rarely wears his ring but that doesn’t really matter. It’s him that’s most important to me not a piece of jewlery that “symbolizes” his commitment. He is the commitment.

Nimis's avatar

I like to joke that engagement rings are like spot-holders. The idea of flipping the tables and having him wear one instead would have been awesome.

Different jewelry or none at all is certainly an option. But the symbolism of an unbroken circle is something I appreciate—regardless of who proposes.

sdeutsch's avatar

I proposed to my husband, but that was just my way of asking him out (he’d been my best friend for years). Once we started dating, we knew that we’d be together forever, but we didn’t get officially engaged until he proposed (and gave me a ring) a couple years later.

Before we made it official, we bought two of these little pewter hearts that we came across in a shop one day. We each kept one in our pocket, so we always had that connection that you get from a ring – we just didn’t feel the need to show it to the world just yet…

If you think he’ll be okay with being asked instead of doing the asking, then go for it! And jewelry is definitely not a necessity – you should do whatever feels the most natural to you.

justwannaknow's avatar

Ring no ring who cares, it is the thought that counts. He may just be to afraid to ask you that you may say no! Ask him and get his butt in gear. If he does not want to make the commitment, he does not love you enough, then dump him and find someone that will. Guys get to comfortable sometimes and let things slide. Slap him up side the head with your proposal and wake him up. Us guys may be afraid of commitment (EXCUSES)But we do not want to lose a good thing. Yes I proposed to my wife and 20 plus years later I am still glad I did.

filmfann's avatar

I liked the way they did it on House. She proposed that Chase propose to her. It was very sweet.

shrubbery's avatar

I have never watched House but I was about to say why don’t you get down on your knees and say “Will you ask me to marry you” :P

mrslesosky's avatar

I proposed to my husband, after 8 years of dating I got tired of waiting. I didnt get him a ring until we had the wedding. You want something, you go for it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I think it’s great
and if he doesn’t, well that’s mighty close minded of him

noraasnave's avatar

My wife proposed to me first. She picked VAlentines day and gave me a engagement ring. I now wear my engagement ring on my right hand and my wedding ring on my left hand. We wanted to be unique.

I of course reciprocated with a nice ring once I saved up the cash and tried to out do her.

That seems to be the way we operate, we try to outdo each other, but we dont’ compete.

SpatzieLover's avatar

I proposed to my husband…no ring necessary. We flew to Vegas to elope after 7yrs of dating.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther